RESTORED Marriage? Now What?

Thank you for submitting your Restored Marriage Testimony!

Your next question may be—now what???

First, do you remember how Erin's husband came back for a short time, but then left again? Sometimes your "restoration" is simply the Lord giving you a time of deep emotional and spiritual rest because you are about to go through the final phase of restoration.

How would you know?

Well, Erin said she could sense it wasn't over. She wanted it to be over, but something inside told her it wasn't. She says it's similar to when you’re pregnant, maybe even overdue, and you feel or hope it's time, but when it IS time—you know it!

Most importantly, don't panic and don't try to figure it out, no matter where you are, the remedy is to always focus on the Lord, getting closer to Him as your HH "Heavenly Husband."

February 3

At once the Spirit sent him out into the desert. (Mark 1:12)

This seemed a strange way for God to prove His favor. “At once”—after what? After heaven was opened and the Spirit descended “like a dove” (v. 10), and the Father voiced His blessing, “You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased” (v. 11). Yet it is not an abnormal experience.

No, my soul, the actual suddenness of the change is proof that it is not abnormal. Have you considered the comfort of the words “at once,” and why the change comes so soon after the blessing? Simply to show that it is the sequel to the blessing. God shines His light on you to make you fit for life’s deserts: Gethsemane, and Calvaries. He lifts you to new heights to strengthen you so that you may go deeper still. He illuminates you so He may send you into the night, making you a help to the helpless.

You, my soul, have also experienced it. Aren’t your times of deepest depression the moments that immediately follow your loftiest highs? Just yesterday you were soaring high in the heavens and singing in the radiance of the morning. Today, however, your wings are folded and your song is silent. At noon you were basking in the sunshine of the Father’s smile, but by evening you were saying from the wilderness, “My way is hidden from the Lord” (Isaiah. 40:27).

You are not always worthy of the wilderness—you are only worthy of the wilderness after the splendor of the Jordan River experience. Nothing but the Son’s vision can equip you to carry the Spirit’s burden, and only the glory of the baptism can withstand the hunger of the desert. George Matheson

After blessings comes the battles.

The time of testing that distinguishes and greatly enriches a person’s spiritual career is not an ordinary one but a period when it seems as if all hell were set loose. It is a time when we realize our soul is caught in a net, and we know God is allowing us to be gripped by the Devil’s hand. Yet it is a period that always ends in certain triumph for those who have committed the keeping of their souls to God. And the testing “later on ... produces a harvest of righteousness and peace” (Heb. 12:11) and paves the way for the thirtyfold to one hundredfold increase that is promised to follow (see Matt. 13:23). Aphra White

Backsliding

Many women who experience a restored marriage find they regress and go back to their old ways, which is really the most common danger and pitfall after restoration. Brittany shared about this in her BIO. Then, due to this becoming a habit, she finally fell for a married man and left ministering. Don’t let this happen to you. Be diligent to keep the LORD FIRST! You need your HH now more than ever, WHICH is exactly what Atarah wrote in a praise report.

Atarah also shares the need of her HH even more after her restoration in these two Praise Reports: Revealed When He Wanted it to Be and Restored Even Before He Revealed!

The other common danger is that you go the other way and you don't leave room for your husband to become your spiritual leader because you are trying to do it all. This is the ditch I personally fell into.

Either ditch will result in struggles, and often, the husband leaving again.

Rocky and Rough Return

When most men return home (or when they ask you to return if you left), it doesn’t at all feel like the fairytale you'd imagined. Instead, it’s a rough and rocky portion of your lifelong journey with Him, and very often you feel like you either aren’t “really” restored OR you want to scream and ask God to undo what He’s done. This is how I felt after my husband returned, but trust me, that trial was short-lived once I refused the temptation to even think that way.

Dear Brides, today I'm writing because PTL I see through His eyes now and can see my EH "earthly husband" as God sees him and not as I used to. Our vision of the world becomes very different once we start to walk with the Lord, our HH, and live His promises and experience His Love to the fullest measure.

Wake Up to His Mercies!!

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are NEW every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23

Agree with this principle that God affords us in our marriage. Start each morning afresh— letting go of anything and everything from the day before. Forgive. Instead, go through a list of all the GOOD things that happened.

Then be sure to SSG "Simply Seek God" and ask Him for an opportunity to share this with your newly restored husband. So that together this will make life better for each of you and also for your children—not to mention your family and friends!!

Sara's "Now What?" Testimony

As you know from my RMT "Restored Marriage Testimony" Restored Marriage after Cancer—Holding my HH Hand, my EH returned home some months ago. He started to settle in little by little until one day the Lord asked me to check his drawers and almost all his clothes were at our home. This is when He confirmed that even he had some left clothes at his parents' home, He had started working in his life 🙂

Soon after I sent my RMT, I received the "And Now What?" page (that I'd encourage everyone to bookmark and read often) explaining a little more in detail about the next phase of restoration: Once the EH gets home again. Even though you wisely warn us throughout how difficult it often is, even though I understood that trials still would come, I didn’t know to what extent. I'm very excited to see what my HH has in store for both of us now that we are together again, especially because of the many trials I have been through just recently. I know for sure that these happen because the Lord wants to draw me even closer to Him and also because He wants to work in my EH life, which has already started. Every person has a different RJ with the Lord, and husbands who return home are no exception.

I'm saying this because with no further details as I’m learning to be discreet, let's say the fairytale of him coming back is not really as I pictured it would be. However, my HH has given me a broader understanding of this situation and has told me that in spite of him living in a bit distant emotionally, almost as a single man again, I need to fully focus on Him, rely on Him only, and not leaning on my own understanding.

This week, for instance, my EH said we were very different and it was very hard for him to see how we could "fit" together gain. At first, I was a little brokenhearted because I thought he didn't see my changes yet, but immediately after this, I ask my HH about it and immediately I understood! Of course, we don't fit as before, because now I'm a new person, the one He's been molding, and so, He will faithfully change him too, so we can be One, united under the same Love!

Thank You, my Love, as I can hear Your voice so clearly now. Even when the enemy wants to attack, I can immediately rely on Your wonderful heart to show me the Truth. Thank You for the work You do every day in my life and my EH. All these situations will surely help us build our testimony for Your honor and glory. This is a Sacrifice of Praise and I know with conviction in my heart that You will help me endure in this portion of your Journey—and even enjoy it!!! ~ Sara

UPDATE: We recently heard from Sara who was ecstatic over the recent changes! One evening she sensed the Lord prompting her to take out and begin reading A Wise Woman that we'd sent her as part of the FREE Couple’s Packet. She said three nights later her husband asked for the companion book and began reading it! They both are on chapter 5 and Sara says she already has seen such growth in her husband!

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Thankfully I had a wonderful older woman, Melanie, who most of you read about during your lessons. I remember sneaking off to call her, simply asking her to pray for me. When I explained she said, “The devil’s not going to let your man go, instead he’s tormenting him even more so he’ll never return back to the OW. So hang on to the Lord, Erin, and know He’s going to finish what He started.” Those were wise words and what I love to pass along to you!

What the Lord showed me when I asked Him how to encourage each of you, is to compare this to journey pregnancy and birth—something I know a LOT about 😉

Think of everyone telling you, including all the experts—that you will NEVER have a baby. Then you find a famous fertility doctor (RMI) who says the opposite of what everyone else has told you—that “Nothing is impossible with God.” Then lo and behold, you find you are pregnant with hope.

Unfortunately, you are frightened by what others keep telling you, the horror stories of women who have miscarried or later aborted (because the doctors say there will be abnormalities), so fear grips you. Then your wise fertility doctor tells you you need no more stress or you will lose your baby, your miracle. So He orders you to complete bedrest, “He makes me lie down in green pastures” with no visitors. And while in bed, to spend time reading about your new baby arriving. (Just like RMI tells you to get off social media and spending time resting in Him and learning how to deal with trials the right way—especially falling in love with Him.)

Then you find your miracle is terribly overdue, and the skeptics again tell you it’s hopeless. Yet you don’t give up, you don’t abort, and all too soon you feel that your labor has begun and you feel you're not ready to be a mother! The most difficult period of your pregnancy and labor passes slowly, but sure enough, you BIRTH your miracle!

Yet, that’s when the real work and trials begin!!

Your little miracle is home but it's not what you pictured or imagined. Instead of the angelic little bundle, there is a red-faced crying, colicky infant screaming at you, and you’re convinced that it was better when you were pregnant. You long to have time alone, sleeping peacefully, and imagining your miracle rather than living the reality.

Yet, if this miracle of God is given time, patience and enough love— you’re soon able to establish the same routine you had—what got you pregnant with your miracle. The principles that also brought your pregnancy to term are the same principles that will help you get through the temporarily difficult time.

“Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For our momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal” (2 Corinthians 4:16–18).

Let me be clear, I am NOT a proponent of letting a baby cry themselves to sleep, HOWEVER, I am an advocate of letting a grown man who is being tormented by the enemy to be angry and even regret you being back together. Let your husband say anything he wants, AND let him speak without trying to console, comfort or assure him that there's something you can do to help him.

Unlike a newborn baby, when men return home they more closely resemble a boy in the grips of “The Terrible Twos.” Yet, even during this stage of my children's lives, I never got angry or exasperated or felt the need to “fix” them. Instead, as their mother, I remained quiet and very loving—knowing it was a phase this child needed to get through. I spoke kindly, positively, and soon these antics weren't used because they never phased me. 

Remember, too, what is VITALLY important. If your husband returned changed, a new man, then imagine how easily it would be for us to turn our hearts towards someone who we can actually see, imagine how soon our hearts would no longer have our Heavenly Husband as who we rely on. Whether our husbands are distant, angry, or frustrated—let your heart sing knowing this is also part of His plan to make sure we put Who will love us as we are meant to be loved, as His bride. No man, no EH or FH, no matter how changed could ever compete. Ask your HH for a new love song and sing it in your heart until it soars!

Take full advantage of this phase, the one that will cement Who is first in your life. Become radiant in His love, so that nothing negative will diminish your glow because the next phase of restoration is when things will suddenly quiet down. And, if you haven’t made a mess of things—by returning to your old ways or trying to fix what your husband is probably blaming you for; remember, the first man began blaming back in the Garden so it's in his nature—then the next phase is when husbands should be ready to embrace the necessary changes he needs to make, completing your restoration, where you two finally become one and are equally yoked. Remember to read Sara's update and an additional miracle she never imagined!

But first, I must share something VITALLY important.

The Devourer

Yes, remember him, the devourer? The enemy who stole your marriage, your life, your husband and your joy? Well, just because God's promise came though, he won't stop. He will increase his attacks and do his best to try to destroy the blessing you were given, and he’s just sitting there waiting. One reason I believe women fall back into their old ways when they STOP being spiritually fed. Even if your husband has already become the spiritual leader of your home and you begin attending a church together, you still need to keep up with the spiritually rich meals each morning in your Encourager and also to continue moving forward with your Wise Woman lessons (lessons that are designed for women who have a husband at home). But especially continue on with your Love affair with your HH by reading at least ONE Abundant Life chapter a week to ponder on. Without a HH you’ll soon find the flame will also go out on your restored marriage.

ALSO, just as important as remaining spiritually fed, so you’re spiritually strong enough to withstand the attacks that will come against you, you need to be sure you keep your "Assurance Policy" with the Lord of hosts up to date! Read the many testimonies at the bottom and throughout the Assurance Policy.

Here is another testimony that Emily shared that should encourage you:

“My close friend now who has restored marriage, she was so afraid to tithe after she was restored, so I encouraged her and explained that since the Lord was able to make a way until now to tithe, He will continue to do so… her EH even made a chart for all their expenses and if she spent some money, she has to write it down into this chart and document it.  

But my friend did not give in to this fear and continue to tithe. The Lord is so so amazing of course, they are being blessed but the Lord is making sure her EH knows it is no coincidence...he is starting to be aware that there is something really happening behind the scenes!! Soon he also began tithing to RMI. What a miracle!

Equally Yoked

For me becoming equally yoked happened when, as a couple, my husband and I attended a seminar together. You may remember reading about it in the Renew Course “Securing Your Success.”

About two weeks after my husband returned home I saw that there was a Christian seminar I had signed up to go to, but then decided not to go. Yet, to my utter shock, my husband said he wanted to go with me!! I didn't even ask him!

When I went to register him I found out that it was the "advanced" seminar, which meant he was ineligible. Yet with God nothing is impossible! A few days later they called to us to say that the headquarters decided to use the seminar in our city to test and see if it was necessary to always require Seminar 1 before Seminar 2. And that my husband could go AND he could go for FREE!!

But it just got better! As soon as I walked in since it was the advanced seminar, I spotted at least a half a dozen pastors that I went to for help with my marriage when my husband was gone—all of whom had said it was impossible. They ALL recognized me and their mouths dropped when they saw whose arm I was holding—my wayward husband whom they said would NEVER return!!

The best was the pastor who said God was honoring the immoral relationship my husband was in with the OW. The pastor was all smiles when he came over because he was thinking that I had taken his advice and I found someone new! Isn't that funny?!?! And as soon as I said, "Oh, you remember me speaking about my husband, let me introduce you" the pastor grabbed my husband's hand and shook it vigorously! And during the rest of the seminar, he couldn't take his eyes off us as a couple. Before we left he had invited my husband and me to his church several times during the break but my husband assured him we had a church home (the church that had opened their doors to my small but growing group of ladies, our first Restoration Fellowship.

I hope that this will encourage you to KEEP QUIET and let God finish His work in you, in your husband and in your marriage. AND most importantly that you run after your HH, remain passionate about Him, and never look back! Be sure to run after your HH so fast that your husband will have to overtake you spiritually and even then, by remaining His bride, you will never be less alluring than before because your heart belongs to Another!

And once He's had you alone long enough, once He's done perfecting and intensely loving you, you will not need to send out any announcements about what God has done! He will orchestrate a similar situation just like He did for me! Preparing a table before you in the presence of your enemies!!!

Psalm 23:1-3 NKJV
"The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside quiet waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.

"Yes, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

"You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord
Forever."

It was also at this seminar that the Lord gave me many desires of my heart. It was at this seminar that taught my husband (and me) about getting out of debt, and also about trusting God with our fertility. Prior to this my husband was adamant about us having “no more children!” Yet due to what he learned I became pregnant only a couple of months later, with our daughter, Tara, who has been working at for RMI since she turned 20.

OUR GIFT to YOU

CONGRATULATIONS on your Restored Marriage!

FREE Couple’s Packet

We would like to send you a FREE Couple’s Packet that includes the men’s and women’s paperback A Wise Man and A Wise Woman, by simply filling out the very short form (below), to verify your mailing address, and send you the FREE Couple’s Packet.

After you receive your workbooks, put them away in a safe place, then begin to SG to know when to share it with your husband— so that He can become the spiritual leader you've needed. (Reread Sara's UPDATE above.) Once you give it to him, let him know that it’s simply reading just one lesson a week, the same lesson week, from your perspective books. And doing so will help you maintain the “gentle and quiet spirit” that encouraged him to return home.

Also, let your husband know that if He’s interested, there is a men’s site and a Weekly Encourager blog he may enjoy. You may want to simply open the site on a computer and ask him to tell you what he thinks. That’s when you can also tell him about how being part of this ministry is what changed you, and because you don’t want to go back to your old ways, you’re planning on continuing so that you can give back—helping women not make the same mistakes you made by:

Becoming a Bridge Builder

Couples: A Wise Man & A Wise Woman: 2 eBooks & 2 Paperbacks

Couples Special includes 1 of each A Wise Man & A Wise Woman: 2 eBooks & 2 Paperbacks (a $68.00 value) for just $42.00

Be sure to request your FREE Couple’s Packet

*If you already have A Wise Woman or if you’d like it in another language, please use the section *Special Instructions to let Encouraging Bookstore know.

** Remember, don’t get in the way of what the Lord wants to do with your husband, by doing MORE than He wants you to do, nor being afraid of saying anything when it’s time.

Amazingly, you will know when your husband is ready in the same way that mothers know when her children are ready to be potty trained or they’re ready to learn to read. Yet, don’t simply trust your instincts, because of course, your husband is NOT one of your children and even more importantly, you have a Heavenly Husband who will let you know. And when it’s time (as Sara above shared), you’ll be ready, please read this!

Just as it’s disastrous to not potty train your toddler when it’s time (because he/she will end up wearing diapers for a year or more longer!), the same is true for failing to share about your involvement with this ministry and about the FREE Workbooks that will help you live happily together. Yet, if you introduce this to your husband too soon, it’s the same as trying to potty train a one-year-old: it will take much longer and require too much effort you weren’t meant to carry.

So let me encourage you—now that your marriage is RESTORED—even though he may probably become angry or depressed or any other number of reactions to the enemy turning up the heat—that His plan is to complete what He started. So of course, this is the time to spend MORE time with your HH not less—which is another difficulty that He, alone, can solve. Also, remember this is temporary, this will not continue. 

“Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For our momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal” (2 Corinthians 4:16–18).

Spiritually Fed and Nourished

Please don’t make the mistake that so many who have gone before you have made and stop reading your Encourager or doing your Wise Woman course and living or finding your Abundant Life. If you don’t remain spiritually fed, you are simply making a U-Turn and you’ll soon find your husband has left or the OW "other women" will appear again (either the prior OW or a new one). What changed everything is knowing and following the truth. And the only way you could keep your mind refreshed, and have the spiritual strength necessary, is to continue to feast on His Word, provided through the Encourager and Abundant lessons you consumed daily. ALSO submitting praise reports to encourage other women because often it's our own that we read later that really provides unfading faith!

One way that will help is to let your husband know about the online courses you’ve been taking that have helped you. NO, you don’t need to tell him all about why you came here, to find hope for your restored marriage, or about your new relationship with the Lord as your HH.

If he insists, that’s when you can share its RMIOU that was set up in order to have a site available to share with those who are concerned about you. Just about everyone is encouraging about getting more education, and online universities and courses are offered all the time. Also, if you do continue, you can Become a Minister and possibly be supported by us as we've done with quite a few ministries.

Like everything, trust that the Lord will help you say what you need to, and to help you set aside time every day to continue. If you work outside the home, go to work early, study your lesson during your lunch and/or stay long enough after work to study. Even if you just study as if you go to the gym 3 times a week is much wiser than stopping, and again—finding yourself here again when your husband leaves or the OW shows up in his life is not the time to start being spiritually fed again.

Remaining LOVED

In order to continue to LOVE your husband, by channeling the agape love He’s giving you, you MUST carve out time for your HH, and be sure you remain faithful to Him. Make sure He remains FIRST in your life, again putting Him first in your day. Get up earlier, and maybe leave earlier if you go to work, this way your EH isn’t used by the enemy to begin to take away what love your EH is going to need from you.

We promise if you continue to go through just ONE chapter a week to ponder on your HH throughout your day, and then sing the Love Songs to Him in your heart, you’ll continue moving forward in your JOURNEY—that is not intended to END when God restores your earthly marriage—but is just the beginning of Him writing more amazing chapters in your life. Also, He wants you to use what you’ve gone through to help encourage other women!

Becoming a Minister

Becoming an Evangelist 

Becoming a Prayer Warrior 

Are you Keeping your HH First?

If I had to say what the biggest stumbling block is when any EH returns home are you trying to KEEP your EH home. You will find out for yourself, as I did, that doing works, walking on eggshells and submitting to his emotions is not only exhausting, it's counterproductive—unraveling what He's done.

Had I fallen into this pit unable to climb out, there would be no RMI ministry to this day.

After my EH returned, the enemy still fought hard and of course, this made my EH miserable to live with—so much so I was tempted to say (not to him) but just to myself “I wish he never came back!” But I wisely refrained knowing this would be a slap in the face to God who’d restored my marriage, and that’s the KEY— GOD restored us. So I never said it, though I really, really felt this way, and weathered the initial storm—by getting closer to my HH, not by trying to fix anything or appease my EH—because, again, GOD restored us. It was nothing I did—nor was it anything you did either.

After weathering this storm, soon my EH was a new man, happy, happy, happy! But the enemy won’t give up, we all know that. Soon my EH began to have issues with the Restoration Fellowship class I was leading on Monday nights.

We chose Monday nights (of course it was His leading we are never that wise!) due to it having childcare for our young mothers but also because it just so happened that this is when football was on “Monday Night Football.” My EH has always been a fan, so this was ideal. Nevertheless, beginning early in the day, my EH would ask me if I “had to go.” Most women simply give in to those emotions and falsely believe she needs to “agree with her adversary” or submit but what was happening was the enemy’s cunning scheme. “It’s my duty to make sure that Satan does not win even a small victory over us, for we don’t want to be naïve and then fall prey to his schemes.”2 Corinthians 2:11 The Voice

There’s no doubt I would have fallen for it had I not kept the close relationship with my HH or if I had forgotten Who restored my marriage, GOD. So I took this to my true Love and He had me respond kindly with “If you are saying to stay home, then I will.” Each time, without fail, my EH would say something like, “No, I’m not saying NOT to go, I just wish you wouldn’t” Did you catch that? “I wish” or “I would hope” and phrases like this that were based on his feelings, which is dangerous to submit to.

We know how fickle our own emotions are and how they manipulate us. This is true for EH too. So each time my EH would say something about not going on Mondays to lead my fellowship, which could seriously be a dozen times each and every Monday (he worked from home), I would respond with “If you are saying to stay home, then I will.” And not ONCE, even when he would be leaning on the window of the car as I’d pull away, did he ever say this is what he was telling me to do, not to go. Of course, when I left I felt guilty but it was false guilt that I had to shake off.

*One of the best confirmations was each week instead of coming back to a man sulking, he always said what a great time he had! Clearly a spiritual battle and once we've pressed past the temptation, the attack ceases (of course until next time).

Your situation may never be as ridiculous, I’m guessing this was so outrageous since one day (as we know) my EH chose to join me in RMI and the enemy knew just how many would find their LOVE at last.

There were also times that temptations would arise when I could have, very easily, tried to keep my husband home during one of his dark moods. Remember it’s we (not our EH) who the Lord’s love has changed; what was the magnet that drew each of our EH out of darkness was the light our EH and others say that lit the way back home.

“Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.” Matt. 5:16. “Let your light shine everywhere you go, that you may illumine creation, so men and women everywhere may see your good actions, may see creation at its fullest, may see your devotion to Me” Matthew 5:15-16.

The best and quickest way to avoid the stumbling block when an EH returns and you are trying to try to KEEP an EH home is to remember WHO restored your marriage. It was GOD. Even the title of the book is How GOD Can and Will Restore Your Marriage. It was capitalized for many reasons, one is to help remind you Who restored it. So if GOD restored it, then you don’t need to worry or fret or be afraid it won’t remain that way. What you did to be in the position of becoming restored, is what you need to continue doing AFTERWARDS. As mentioned throughout, this is how the enemy chips away at your restoration. Your HH isn’t first, you cease to minister as you’ve done, you stop tithing, you stop your “ministry” to women (which is why He brought ALL of us through this crisis), and the list goes on.

A verse that depicts this is Matthew 5:13. “You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt has become tasteless, how will it be made salty again? It is good for nothing anymore, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot by men.” This is how restored women (and married women in general) become a doormat—trampled down by their husbands, who by the way, begin to loathe them. Does the word loathe remind you of anything?

What happens when you put someone ahead of the Lord? What does He do to draw you back to Him? Some of us put our husbands first, and the Lord took our husbands from us! “Thou hast removed my acquaintances far from me; Thou hast made me an object of loathing to them. Thou has removed lover and friend far from me; My acquaintances are in darkness.” Psalm 8:18, 88.

Bowing down to anyone, which also includes your EH, is dangerous and will soon lead to loathing and your EH distancing himself from you.

Here is an example I read recently from a minister who’d returned to continue the ministry He began, but she had put “on hold” and again succumbed to fear.

"I need to take a Ministry Leave of Absense. My reason is my EH is supposed to be back home tomorrow. Although he has said it is okay to work again for the ministry, he doesn't know yet that I am actually back and working here again. I feel it is best to still be discreet and wait for the Lord to open another opportunity to let EH know like He faithfully did last time.

There is a sudden change in our relationship and I am not sure how it will be like when EH gets home tomorrow. I praise the Lord for holding me up and I am filled with His peace and joy. Only Him! Thank you."

Even though she stated 'Although he has said it is okay to work again for the ministry', she makes her decision based on fear, not on discretion. True, most of us might feel fearful, but pressing forward, past this feeling, by continuing to minister is what God deserves for what He's done for you! And should her EH ask, a wife can lovingly remind him that he said it is okay to work again for the ministry, and that she’s going to continue as long as He leads. The woman her EH saw would be the wise woman he wanted to be with again. And very possibly, "the sudden change in our relationship and I am not sure how it will be like when EH gets home tomorrow" would suddenly change—due to her EH seeing the “wise woman who [continues] to build her house” who “smiles at the future” rather than becoming a doormat “trampled underfoot by men.”

Unless this minister buries her face in her HH embrace and stands up to fear, to “do what is right without being frightened by any fear” (1Peter 3:6) no matter what the fear is about, she will soon see her unfaithfulness to her HH result in her EH’s unfaithfulness also resurface.

Now, here’s an example of the opposite.

There are no words to express the joy in my heart at this moment :)))) As you know, dear brides, my marriage was restored a while ago and I have shared how "rocky and rough" (Quoting Erin in her Now what? document we receive after submitting our RMT) has been my EH´s return as he continued to be distant (in my worldly perception) and I have to admit that many times I had to "keep my thoughts captive" as there were many that tried to tell me that it would be very difficult if not impossible—for him to have a personal, intimate relationship with our HH. I, ladies, have remained quiet, have continued to seek God in ALL my things and situations, continued my FAL "Finding the Abundant Life" courses, in addition to tithing and the other scriptural principles shared by Erin.

One of the things that really intrigued me was the part of sharing at some point to my EH about the RMI courses that I've been taking and the Restored couple's package that I received some days ago. How to do this with a man who is not openly a Christian and has openly said that he doesn't want to change his "religion" (the Catholic one) when referring to Christians? I didn't want to sound like a fanatic to him, not because I feel ashamed or anything like that (because I have learned to cherish His works and His Love so profoundly that ALL I care about now is my relationship with my HH), neither because I don't want him to feel pressured to "change", because I learned also that it's not me who does it but the Lord, but I have to admit I really wanted to see how the Lord would do it.

Well ladies, how I shared about this to my EH, happened in an instant without me having to plan anything. He truly orchestrates ALL: My EH had been having problems with his cell phone and was talking about getting a new one. Yesterday, he sat down with me during lunch and asked me about this purchase, style, etc, but most importantly, he included me in the decision of whether he should buy it or not. I had to leave the dining room (to meet quietly with my HH) so I could hear about what to do and be "his suitable helpmate". Even though it was expensive I felt led to tell him, Yes, I think is a good idea.

Today, his cell phone arrived in the mail. He told me that he hoped this was a good decision and I felt I had to tell him that he should believe that if he does things correctly and follows good principles (I didn't tell him that this had been having me as his suitable help or anything related to the Bible), he should know that he would be rewarded with a good purchase. And it was at this time that the Lord guided me to share about how I had been able to change by following some "principles" that I had been reading in some courses I had been taking online for a while. I'm quoting Erin again, ladies: "** Remember, don’t get in the way of what the Lord wants to do with your husband, by doing MORE than He wants you to do, nor being afraid of saying anything when it’s time." And I felt this was the time!!! It was the Lord's time because he didn't look surprised or gave me any weird look, he said that this was great and he was glad for me.

Also, Erin said that: "So, if your husband still doesn't know about the help you found, it's time to earnestly seek God and ask Him to provide an opportunity to do so and share about RMI." And this is when I showed him the "A Wise Woman" book and told him that the teachings in this book were helping me remain the changed woman I had become. Also, I said that there was one for him, which I ordered for him in Spanish and that as soon as I got it, I would give to him if he wanted it. He said YES! He was not shocked or anything negative at all. Ladies, as Erin says, don't try to figure it out, LET GO of everything and give it to HIM. Thank You, Lord, for Your works in our marriage to give everyone in my home your Abundant Life. Thank You for the testimony that You are building in us to help encourage others. PTL!!!"

Sara’s HH led her to keep using the term PRINCIPLES, rather than having any “religious” references. Religion has ruined the church, His bride, and it will ruin any chance of your EH wanting a relationship with Him.

Here's another testimony from Bonita in Georgia who is also RESTORED

Since being restored and going back to work I have not had the time together with my HH as I had when I was off work, I have truly missed that time. Now I get up earlier and spend time with him because I need it every day.

Riding to work was a battle within itself, which God used for good, answering my prayers to spend more time with Him! Where I live is so crowded the traffic is scary, to say the least. Where I work the main entrance has been under construction so all the hundreds of people that work there and also surrounding businesses are leaving out of ONE entrance. During this time of waiting, I now have time to spend talking to the Lord, listen to music or just sit quietly with Him—and even journal a lesson on my phone (that I read during my lunch hour). At first, I confess I was aggravated because it takes at least a half-hour to get just out of the parking lot— but now I understand that He was giving me time to spend with Him and now I’m grateful! I’m so thankful that He showed me a way to spend more time with Him—showing me that many of the trials are just Him giving me more time and more of Him.

Just as you SG "seek God" for when and how to spend time (or doing anything at all) prior to your marriage being restored, now is the time to ask Him to carve out those times now! Just like a new mother needs time to rest and recover and feel rejuvenated, so too does a newly restored woman. So SG, trust God, and then watch for those unique opportunities that the Lord revealed to Bonita 🙂

The GOOD NEWS

So, if your husband still doesn't know about the help you found, it's time to earnestly seek God and ask Him to provide an opportunity to do so and share about RMI. Why? Because, 1 Corinthians 14:35 says—

“If [women] desire to learn anything, let them ask their own husbands at home; for it is improper for a woman to speak in church.”

For instance, an opportunity could come about when it comes to finances. Many times a husband who either wants to control the finances again or wants you to continue paying the bills and he gives his paycheck to you, may not understand about your new storehouse. So "asking your husband" "at home" about your desire to continue to tithe to your storehouse from your paycheck (that spiritually fed you so that you changed and healed and where you will continue being fed) will open up the opportunity to not only share about RMI but also the verse you can show him.

If you sense he’s not ready (but please don’t give into fear of what He’ll say should it be time to be open with him), be sure you continue to pay your tithe.

This may be when you give him his complimentary Wise Man Workbook (that you can explain is the "Companion" book to what you've been trained by), which will also help him to become your spiritual leader. You may even let him know that there is a chapter in the first book you read, and the men have a lot of resources on the men's site.

Also to understand about tithing and your storehouse, here is Chapter 17 for you to study or give to your husband should he not understand tithing.

If your husband isn’t attending a church, then you can let him know that some men tithe here after studying A Wise Man. Others just encourage their wives to continue to tithe where they’re being spiritually fed but are not ready to begin tithing. One woman's husband has been so faithful to tithe and #Mona continues to send incredible praise reports due to the ongoing protection from the devourer! 

Again, God took care of this for me when we attended the seminar I mentioned above. We began attending the church where I started RMI as a family because my husband was so impressed with the pastor and the changes in me, this is where my husband said he would tithe.

So again, at this point in your Restoration Journey, to complete what He started, and keep alert for when He wants you to share A Wise Man with your husband. But to make that happen, we want to encourage you to stop focusing on your husband or your marriage or any of the usual trials you’re going through as a newly restored couple. Instead—focus on your relationship with the LORD, looking to Him as your Husband—since this is the reason He allowed this crisis to happen, remember?

“Fear not, for you will not be put to shame [if things are going along as you expected]

And do not feel humiliated, for you will not be disgraced; [because this happens with all restored couples at first]

“For your Husband is [still] your Maker, Whose name is the Lord of hosts; and your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel, Who is called the God of all the earth.

“'For the Lord has called you [and still want you as His], Like a wife forsaken and grieved in spirit, Even like a wife of one’s youth when she is rejected [because remember the enemy has not given up],' Says your God" Isaiah 54:4-6.

"Instead of your shame you will have a double portion [now you have 2 husbands, an EH but even better, a HH], and instead of humiliation, YOU SHOULD shout for joy over YOUR portion. Therefore they will possess a double portion in their land, Everlasting joy will be theirs [if you just stay the course, and keep your eyes on Him].

And you will say, once you've experienced this is...

"I will rejoice greatly in the Lord, My soul will exult in my God; For He has clothed me with garments of salvation, He has wrapped me with a robe of righteousness, As a bridegroom decks himself with a garland, And as a bride adorns herself with her jewels. For as the earth brings forth its sprouts, and as a garden causes the things sown in it to spring up, so the Lord God will cause righteousness and praise to spring up before all the nations"—Isaiah: 61:7-11

The only way you will falter or stumble is IF you take your eyes off the Lord and He no longer is your HH who you go to first for everything. Though your EH may be demanding your attention, remember, it wasn’t you who did anything but fall in love with the Lord—trusting Him as you lovingly reacted to trials and insults and anything else the enemy will want to throw at you to distract you.

Again, it was God who restored your marriage because you began to love His Son as your Husband. Take a moment to read what Atarah shares in her awesome testimony of how trials began to happen, but then she turned back to the Lord.

“It was Better for Me Then than Now”

It has been a month since I experienced a restored marriage and I have been very happy, my husband and I are so in love. It is everything and more than what my heart desired for a restored marriage. As happy as I am, there has been something missing and I know all too well what it is... My First Husband. My heart, mind and spirit (in the busyness of work, my home, my husband, my daughter, washing, cooking and tidying) longs for, pants for, my Husband and we both want to get back what I had together: the time alone with Him, speaking to Him, hearing Him speak to me. Once you know THIS awesome HUSBAND you cannot go back.

When you SEEK HIM, He will show you as He showed me. As I read the "What Now" that was sent to me from RMI after submitting my restored marriage testimony. This is what the Lord showed me and it is so funny, LOL, because before I came to RMI I used to pray this same scripture for my then estranged husband, desperately, feverishly—when he was living with the ow!!

Hosea 2:7 “She (I used to put he or my husband) will run after her lovers, but she won’t catch them. She will search for them, but she won’t find them. Then she will say, ‘I’ll go back to my first husband. Things were better for me than they are now.”

Back then, I used to pray desperately for my husband, praying that as he ran after his lovers he would not find them, that he would look for them and not find them. AND NOW I KNOW. These scriptures were for me, yes me!! What struck me was these words from the verses above "I will go back to my husband, it was better for me then than now"!

During my time of being divorced, looking back it was "better for me then than now", my relationship with my Husband was idyllic, I lived for Him, I spent so much time with Him. I loved Him and He loved me; it was such a special time, it was glorious, it was marvelous and it was awesome 🙂 🙂 I loved it!!!!

Ladies, I want to encourage you to enjoy your time with your Husband (while it lasts), because before you know it, if you fall in love with your HH and let go of your EH, you will be restored to your earthly husband and long for your time you once had only for Him.

I praise God for showing me how better it was for me then than now, because my attention and focus was Him and how He taught me through RMI to put Him first. “Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first.” Revelation 2:4.

God is so awesome and so in tune with you when you pray, as He shows you great and unsearchable things.

Jeremiah 33:3 “Call to Me and I will answer you and show you great and unsearchable things you do not know.”

So I'm happy to run and jump into my Husband’s arms, His love is amazing!!

Read "It was Me" REGARDING FEAR

Our Beloved is so good and so amazing and so faithful! I confess that during the time my restoration seems to be falling apart in the beginning, I took matters into my own hands and helped the Lord, thinking that if I get a job, EH wouldn’t ask me to move out. It was all flesh and driven by fear. And of course, it didn’t work out or changed my EH’s mind, but instead only pushed him away. Oh! What a lesson and a reminder for me that He does not need my help and to let go.

As always He turns it for good. It was this time that the Lord was taking me higher. I thank Him for bringing me again to that place of surrendering to Him, letting go of my restoration, my EH, my situation. To that place where it is His peace that rules in my heart instead of fear. To that place where my eyes are fixed on Him and I am not shaken. Thank You, Lord, for helping me let go. I remember the time I went to the park and shared with Him how nice the community we lived in is and how I would love to find work around here, asking Him to place it in my EH’s heart. In my mind, I was imagining working and living in a new apartment, just the two of Us and driving to work every day together. I was excited of the possibilities! I gave it to our Beloved. The Lord turned EH’s heart towards me a few months later.

I praise Him that the negative emotions are gone. PTL and replaced with His peace and assurance that everything will work out as He has planned. Thank You, Beloved."

If Joy's HH wants her to have a job, she will get one, but if her HH wants her to remain at home, then even being obedient and applying for one, will not bring one about. By trying to obey, by trying to appease, by trying to make sure your EH stays “happy” with you, we each will fall into a very deep ditch—the one it took us so long to climb our way out of.

REMAIN FAITHFUL TO HIM

So should you become spiritually unfaithful again, turning to others for help or trying to be everything to your EH, He will have no recourse but to again remove your lover and friend.

Revelation 2:4— "But I have this against you, that you have [again] left your first Love."

“You have removed lover and friend far from me; My acquaintances are in darkness”—Psalm 88:18

“You have removed my acquaintances far from me; You have made me an object of loathing to them; I am shut up and cannot go out”—Psalm 88:8

“She will pursue her lovers, but she will not overtake them; and she will seek them, but will not find them. Then she will say, ‘I will go back to my first Husband, for it was better for me then than now!’”— Hosea 2:7

"The king’s heart is like channels of water in the hand of the LORD; He turns it wherever He wishes"—Proverbs 21:1

As long as you keep the Lord first in your heart, and He truly is FIRST in your life, THEN you will see the Lord turn your husband's heart, not only back to you, but more importantly back to Him. 🙂

In addition, once the Lord has tested you, and He knows He truly is FIRST in your life, THEN you will see the Lord begin to heal and/or deal with your husband. You can't fix him, he can't even fix himself so don't expect him to change or to “work” on anything! God will need to change your husband just as He changed you.

What may be helpful so you don’t “overdo” as a wife, is to reread A Wise Woman Chapter 9, “Helper Suitable” under the section “Who Should Be the Spiritual Leader?”

Many of us have wanted to be such a good helper that we do everything for our husband. We do, do, do. This will actually rob your husband of blessings, and at the same time, rip the manliness out of him. We make the decisions, do everything around the house and in the yard, and help provide part of the income. We then are surprised that with all this free time, he finds himself a nice helpless woman to care for.

If we have taken on something our husband should be doing, we must pray that the Lord will change the situation. When we pray, many times we will see a mini-catastrophe occur and our husband will need to rescue us. However, this is actually a good thing if we don’t rob him from being the savior for us and our family. Don’t try to fix it or tell him how to fix it – leave it alone! We must realize that this catastrophe has occurred because we have been operating in the wrong role, a role we were not designed for. However, you should never cause a crisis; wait for the Lord to move – stop manipulating! Don't go back to your old ways.

Again, read more in A Wise Woman Chapter 9, “Helper Suitable” under the section “Who Should Be the Spiritual Leader?” and don't miss the testimony!) Sacrifice, instead of obedience, made Erin a martyr!

The ONLY way He will begin to do what He needs to do to bring about the changes in your husband, and complete your restoration, as we said, is for you to be living as the Lord's bride, looking to Him for every need (like having ample time to spend with Him) and what He (as your Heavenly Husband) wants you to do while you follow His lead.

If you want to continue and allow the Lord to begin working in your husband's life, so you are equally yoked be sure you:

1. Continue to focus on your relationship with the Lord, not on your RESTORED marriage or your husband (what he does or does not do). (See what ~ Michele said below)

2. Continue to READ your Encourager and continue to submit Praise Reports, even if you haven't felt like praising Him. Remember, when we praise, the enemy won't stick around!

3. No matter how far you've come, BEGIN or continue your Fellowship Courses and know that GOD has Restored your Marriage, you didn’t restore it.

4. Also, you need to make room for your husband to hear from God while you focus on Becoming a Minister—because that's why He restored your marriage—to help others!!

Becoming a Minister

Becoming an Evangelist  

Becoming a Prayer Warrior 

5. CONTINUE tithing to your storehouse.