RJN “Brave Through the Fire” Lota Joel – Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"Love Never Fails"

Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. James 1:2-3 NLT 

As I shared in the previous chapter, I stopped contacting Marco. I attended to the home and the children. When he would come home I attended to him, but only if he wanted me to. I didn’t ask questions nor share any issues of the home unless he asked. We were living in the same house, but worlds apart.

I knew I needed my time with God and He was handling Marco. I was so overwhelmed (in a good way) with the newfound Love that I had no time to mope around. If I wasn’t attending to the children or the home I was studying His word, in prayer or worship, in other words, just spending time with Him. This was the fuel I needed and never wanted it to run out.

I had made new friends, Lina and Rosa (the one who gave me the book). We practically prayed daily, shared His word, fasted, and worshiped together. We encouraged each other all based on God, it was wonderful. I never tried to do any of this in front of Marco. My new relationship with God was mine and I didn’t want to show off or try to look religious or better than him. I wanted any changes in Marco to come from God, as He did with me, and not by pushing or persuasion or any actions on my behalf.

I tried to really love Marco unconditionally.

“Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” I Corinthians 13:4-5 NIV 

I have heard this verse SOOOO many times especially at weddings, like so many others, but do we really follow this? Well no, I didn’t, but this was the kind of LOVE I experienced with God. I desperately wanted to show this kind of love I had found to Marco. I hoped that one day he could perhaps understand and accept it also from God because I knew “Love never fails.” I Corinthians 13:8

It was a Thursday evening and I had gotten home from a class I was taking to earn my Master's degree in education. Marco and the kids weren’t home so I was tired and went to bed. Later that evening I hear the door open of the room and Marco standing there says he needs to talk and that it is very important. I thought ok so I sat up quickly and gave him my attention. He sits next to me and shares, “Something almost happened today and I need to tell you. I met someone and I am dating her. I really like her and I need you to take this relationship seriously so you need to know. The kids were with me today while you were at school and they almost saw her but I managed to move them away.”

My face went numb, my eyes just gazed into his face and my heart started racing, but with all this, I did not move an inch. Marco continues, “Hello?? Are you listening? Did you hear what I just said? I met someone else and the kids almost saw her and I don’t know how much longer I am going to be able to hide this from them. Well? Say something.”

Snap out of it Lota, I said in my mind. I started calling out to God inside and looked down to try to buy myself more time before speaking. I felt God calm me and give me this peace I could not understand. I looked up and said, “Yes, I heard everything you said and I understand.” Marco quickly got up and said, “OK then, good.” and walked out the door.

This was the first time ever that Marco actually told me he was with someone else. I always suspected or speculated but I never really knew for sure. It was always hidden, but this time it was thrown in my face and he threw it HARD!

I wanted to cry, scream, argue, plead, DO anything a normal person would do in this situation, but I couldn’t. You see, I was different. I had this source of peace that I knew only came from God. All I could say was, “God? What now?”

In a short time before this very day, I had been fed all this spiritual food, growing each day, proclaiming how much I loved God, trusted Him, and that my faith was in Him, believing all the promises He gave me. Well, this was my time to not only SAY these things but now I had to LIVE them through my actions.

“What good is it… if you say you have faith but don’t show it by your actions?... So you see, faith by itself isn’t enough. Unless it produces good deeds, it is dead and useless… I will show you my faith by my good deeds.” James 2:14-18 NLT 

I got on my knees and prayed, “I surrender my life and You deserve everything. Help me God, to follow Your word and live by them so that they come alive in my life. Keep me close to You because I can’t do this without You!”

The one thing I had told Marco in the past, in a very proud and arrogant voice, was I would NOT take or put up with him being with another woman. Here I was standing in front of this exact predicament. Well, what were my options? Go back to my old self and leave? That would mean throwing away everything I had learned, what I had become, and the relationship I had created with God. It would be all gone!! I couldn’t! I couldn’t imagine my life without God or being separated from Him. It would mean every promise He had given me in the most intimate times, I would have considered them all LIES if I just got up, walked away, and moved on with my life.

No temporary joy or satisfaction of my flesh could compare to the eternal love I had found in Him. Plus, I knew trials are temporary and FAITH, my faith is the assurance of what I hoped for and the certainty of what I do not see. Hebrew 11:1 God promised to restore my marriage and every area of my life. I CHOSE to believe and trust in HIM wholeheartedly.

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RJN “Brave Through the Fire” Lota Joel

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