Chapter 5
"I am in LOVE"
As I was going through this spiritual makeover, one of the first things God showed me to do was let go. I had to let Marco go, no, not leave him but stop nagging him or keeping track of his every move, or asking him for anything.
I know that many of you may read this and think, “WOW, how bad was she really that she needed a makeover? I mean HOW far does she really have to go in changing or to what extreme? Do I also have to go through all of this to know God? Is all that I am reading normal or even healthy?”
What I am about to share many may not understand and think the same as what I shared in the above paragraph. I can sympathize because I thought the same until I experienced God’s love. When His love is experienced all the “normal” is transformed into extreme faithfulness to Him. It is never a burden but an honor and a passion to follow His ways and His will for our lives. My hope is that as you continue to read, you also will open your heart to understand more about Him and His love for you.
So back to my makeover. I was transformed by His love. It was a love I had never experienced before. It was like no matter what I shared with Him, He just kept loving me. His love took away all my fears and gave me comfort when things around me were not Ok. I experienced his forgiveness. I thought, “How big is God to be concerned with someone so small as me.” He showed me complete forgiveness and I realized if He could forgive me then how can I possibly not forgive others? I must and I did, with His strength always backing me up.
He gave me His great gift of grace. I say gift because there was nothing I did to deserve it. His grace showed me to live discretely, NOT giving in to feelings or reacting to them. I also no longer had to hold them in or bottle them up inside. I found the Love of my life. The One I could run to anytime I wanted, share whatever I wanted. Going to Him with every care or concern showed me He IS present and ready to take care of my every need. He never judged me and He was never too busy or occupied with other things. I was able to surrender everything, and release all my burdens to HIM and in turn, He gave me comfort. He helped me understand that trials produce so much good. They brought me closer to Him and I should embrace them. His grace gave me the strength I needed to walk through this journey, walk through the fire, more than anything I could have ever done on my own.
So back to the beginning where I shared about letting go. God asked me not only to let go of Marco but so much more, my marriage, family, and finances. All the material things, my dreams, and desires. This was not just a physical surrender but most importantly a heart surrender because He always saw the heart and its intentions. I didn’t do it because I “wanted” something, but because I desired to show Him that I loved and trusted Him completely. I needed to let go and surrender everything to Him so I could in turn live my very best life in Him.
I was learning His word, obeying His lead, and doing everything He asked with love because He deserved everything from me. He became my reason for living, my purpose, and my everything. I started loving the new me and never wanted to look back. I was happy, content, and at peace. I told God that now that there was a new me, I would no longer mess up and everything would be good, so I was ready for my perfect marriage and perfect life. I had put my house in order. My relationship with my children flourished. For the first time, I really felt like I understood my role as a wife, mother, and woman of God and I loved it. God gave me this incredible desire and love for my home, my husband, and my children. I could see with His eyes, love with His love, and forgive with His strength. It was great and I was excited!
“My Love, You are all I need, You are all I want, You are all I love for.”
To read Lota's complete Novel, go to:
RJN “Brave Through the Fire” Lota Joel
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