Have you sought comfort, understanding, support in order to feel clean, to feel whole, to feel free from the nightmare you can't seem to wake up from? If so, it's due to seeking the wrong Source. The world and the "experts" (people who have no clue, people who have studied about it but have never lived through it) throw out all sorts of advice—but it makes everything worse. It's like you're drowning and rather than them throwing a life jacket or flotation device—they throw you a cement block that plummets you to the bottom of the ocean!

If you've honestly met the one true Savior and have a relationship with Him (no matter how long) then you've no doubt have experienced an inner knowing that you have looked to the wrong source for your recompense, in the same way, that I had looked to the wrong source for my recompense. This Promise at the top does NOT say “They will” but it says, *I will* meaning the *Lord will*…. Read it again...

They will possess a double portion in their land . . .

I will faithfully give them their recompense.

When I saw this the first time, immediately in my heart I acknowledged that He was all I wanted and all that I needed.

Lord, You're ALL I Want
Lord, You're ALL I Need
Lord, You're ALL I Live For!

If you need a Father then say it this way... 

Father, You're ALL I Want
Father, You're ALL I Need
Father, You're ALL I Live For!

All of a sudden I realized I did not need experts or any social media "friends" (who are not looking to BE my friend but to find as many friends as they can because they, too, are missing the One Person who can fill that dark empty terrifying void in their life).

I also realized at that moment— I cannot change people or anyone else to make things right or give me any recompense (pay me back) for the suffering I have gone through! They cannot make up for the suffering while it was happening and not the aftermath of suffering—the exacerbated, intensifying my pain that has made what happened so much worse. Add to all of this is the shame I felt and shame that's often dumped on me by people who didn't and don't have a clue—they are completely ignorant—but so full of advice, advice that was nothing short of poison.

That's when my Savior, my One True Friend, reminded me of something I read in "Who Sinned?" (His disciples were trying to find out who to blame) and the same goes for us. We don't stop trying to blame someone and in my case, because it wasn't just the person(s) who did it, but my parents and siblings and everyone else who "should have stopped" no "should have prevented" what happened to me.

• The answer to "who" is at fault is profound and something I didn't understand for far too long.
• The answer that everyone needs to really grasp.

Even though everyone tried and at some point failed me miserably to help me—I had my Beloved and He was all I needed. At that moment, not only did I stop looking for anyone to “make it right,” I adamantly did not want anything from anyone—what I wanted were all the blessings due to me—my recompense, my payback to come from Him and no one else!

When that feeling that truth began to wash over me, the Lord reminded me that these were Abram’s feelings too. Abram was Abraham's name before God gave him a new name. It was when the king of Sodom tried to give him a reward by giving him the “goods” that were taken when they defeated their enemy. BUT Abram refused anything from this king, “Abram said to the king of Sodom, ‘I have sworn to the LORD God Most High, possessor of heaven and earth, that I will not take a thread or a sandal thong or anything that is yours, for fear you would say, ‘I have made Abram rich.’” Abram (who remember becomes Abraham) did not want to take away any of God’s glory by letting the vile king take the credit for any of Abram’s future wealth, which, as we know, increased greatly later in Abram’s life—that was secured due to his conviction to give God the glory and take nothing from anyone else.

• Do you want to give credit to anyone but GOD for your healing and for the ministry you will no doubt have (or maybe already have)?
• Why give anyone credit when they did nothing to help but instead, out of ignorance (certainly and hopefully not out of malice), failed to help and kept you suffering by feeding the fire, often pouring gasoline on your enflamed sores?

Within about three minutes of this revelation, the Lord did something that was so amazing and funny and incredible just to prove this principle to me. The recompenses of God began to double! And from the moment it happened—I decided to let the Lord be everything to me!

As soon as I stopped trying to get satisfaction from the source of my trouble (who “did not have it”) and turned to the Lord who is the ultimate Source of all we need, He flooded me with tremendous favor and multiplied my recompense (often not just double but often 10 times what was lost), which He promises to every one of us!

Let me also explain that you are on a journey of healing.

You are not going to be "poof" instantly healed from your pain or shame or problems. WHY?

1. If that happened, then the rest of your life would remain the same.
2. If that happened, you would not develop your own ministry, a way to help others in the same way you've been helped.
   1. Allowing you to have a front-row seat to what He's doing.
   2. Giving purpose and joy to your life—like you've never felt before.
3. If that happened, you will miss out on knowing Him intimately as your :
   1. Heavenly Father
   2. Your Protector,
   3. Your Provider
   4. Your Lover
   5. Your Friend
   6. Your Everything... anything and everything you need Him to be in your life!

This journey of healing was designed by the Creator Himself who wants to be real to you, very real, and not Someone who sits in heaven looming over you, ignoring your cries.

This is what the Lord spoke to me—they don’t have it!
No one has what I need
No one has what You need.
Only HE has it—
He has all I need!
He has all YOU need!

You know it's true, of course, they do not have it because every other source will eventually dry up—only God has an endless source of everything ever created and can even create that which does not exist! Their patience will dry up, the compassion will dry up, their understanding will dry up—everything dries up and often it's directly connected to how much they do NOT have!

Bankrupt

The Lord helped me to understand that people of this world are bankrupt in every way. We aren't the only people in need. Think about it. The people of the world (and most Christians) lack compassion, kindness, love, and everyone has limited resources, yet we foolishly keep looking to them for our needs. All the while our Lord, our Lover, and our Friend has an endless source of every resource that we need and want—available to us—when we simply look to Him alone!!

That's not all, each and every time we look to others instead of to Him, we find ourselves in even greater need when they fail to give us what we may need, deserve or want. That’s when we, too, end up bankrupt because by looking to others, we have pulled the plug, cut the tie, severed our true Source, Him.

Remember what He said, “I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing”? We can do nothing, accomplish nothing, and are powerless!

Are you lacking fruit in your life?

Sure, maybe you're overloaded with bitter fruit, but what about the sweet fruit that everyone is drawn to? If you want to produce this sort of fruit, like true vines, the Gardener will need to cut all of your dead limbs and bitter fruit down until there is only a stump left. Read this and see if you can relate:

“You [God] have removed lover and friend far from me; My acquaintances are in darkness.” 

“You [God] have removed my acquaintances far from me; You have made me an object of loathing to them; I am shut up and cannot go out.” 

So when the Lord brought the principle that “they don’t have it” to my mind, in reference to my husband, I knew that I had failed to seek what I needed from my true Source, Him. Instead, I had sought what I needed and deserved from someone who “didn’t have it” once again so I was more broken, more hurt, feeling even more hopeless.

Sadly, too, in the process of trying to get what I needed from them, I had bankrupted them and my relationships—not just my marriage but every relationship that meant anything to me. God showed me that as the Lord’s bride, which is who I am because God knows I've been rejected enough, I looked far from being a Believer. Read this and see if you can relate:

“Fear not, for you will not be put to shame; and do not feel humiliated, for you will not be disgraced; but you will forget the shame of your youth, and the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more.

“For your Husband is your Maker, Whose name is the Lord of hosts [Who by the way means He is a warrior]; and your Redeemer [which means He pays any outstanding debt in your life: emotional, mental, spiritual and physical] is the Holy One of Israel, Who is called the God of all the earth.

“'For the Lord has called you, [will you answer?] like a wife forsaken and grieved in spirit, even like a wife of one’s youth when she is rejected,' Says your God.” 

When I go to my Source: my GOD promises to supply all my needs and always gives me more than I need so I don’t need to seek anything from anyone. 

When YOU go to YOUR Source: YOUR GOD promises to supply all YOUR needs and always gives YOU more than YOU need so YOU don’t need to seek anything from anyone.

As a bride, as His bride, I am, instead, able to give to others in need from my over-abundance; my overflowing resources.

“Give, and it will be given to you. They will pour into your lap a good measure—pressed down, shaken together, and running over. For by your standard of measure it will be measured to you in return.” 

However, the opposite is also true. Whenever I go, whenever you go to any source who “doesn’t have it,” we then will find ourselves without what we want and need and immediately become selfish and stingy and begin to panic—not the characteristic of the Lord’s bride. We also, in turn, bankrupt the other source making our mess and pain and frustration much, much worse.

When I asked the Lord how to make it right, what was at the root of my problems, not surprisingly He said, "It begins with forgiveness." No, not forgiving "myself" since it's that word "self" that is a bottomless pit and once you fall down into that deep well it's nearly impossible to climb out again! First, we ask HIS forgiveness and receive HIS mercy. And mercy means WE don't deserve what He's giving us.

Then we turn around and GIVE the forgiveness that the other person doesn't deserve, the forgiveness we have refused or given but recanted.