He Healed Me

Chapter 1
“They Don’t Have It”

"They will possess a double portion in their land . . .

*I will* faithfully give them their recompense [reward, repayment]."
—Isaiah 61:7

Felt better hands on heart

“Instead of your shame
you will have a DOUBLE,
and instead of humiliation
you will shout for joy...

"You will possess a DOUBLE portion.. and *I* will faithfully give you your reward."

Have you sought comfort, understanding, support in order to feel clean, to feel whole, to feel free from the nightmare you can't seem to wake up from? If so, it's due to seeking the wrong Source. The world and the "experts" (people who have no clue, people who have studied about it but have never lived through it) throw out all sorts of advice—but it makes everything worse. It's like you're drowning and rather than them throwing a life jacket or flotation device—they throw you a cement block that plummets you to the bottom of the ocean!

If you've honestly met the one true Savior and have a relationship with Him (no matter how long) then you've no doubt have experienced an inner knowing that you have looked to the wrong source for your recompense, in the same way, that I had looked to the wrong source for my recompense. This Promise at the top does NOT say “They will” but it says, *I will* meaning the *Lord will*…. Read it again...

They will possess a double portion in their land . . .

I will faithfully give them their recompense.

When I saw this the first time, immediately in my heart I acknowledged that He was all I wanted and all that I needed.

Lord, You're ALL I Want
Lord, You're ALL I Need
Lord, You're ALL I Live For!

If you need a Father then say it this way... 

Father, You're ALL I Want
Father, You're ALL I Need
Father, You're ALL I Live For!

All of a sudden I realized I did not need experts or any social media "friends" (who are not looking to BE my friend but to find as many friends as they can because they, too, are missing the One Person who can fill that dark empty terrifying void in their life).

I also realized at that moment— I cannot change people or anyone else to make things right or give me any recompense (pay me back) for the suffering I have gone through! They cannot make up for the suffering while it was happening and not the aftermath of suffering—the exacerbated, intensifying my pain that has made what happened so much worse. Add to all of this is the shame I felt and shame that's often dumped on me by people who didn't and don't have a clue—they are completely ignorant—but so full of advice, advice that was nothing short of poison.

That's when my Savior, my One True Friend, reminded me of something I read in "Who Sinned?" (His disciples were trying to find out who to blame) and the same goes for us. We don't stop trying to blame someone and in my case, because it wasn't just the person(s) who did it, but my parents and siblings and everyone else who "should have stopped" no "should have prevented" what happened to me.

  • The answer to "who" is at fault is profound and something I didn't understand for far too long.
  • The answer that everyone needs to really grasp.

Even though everyone tried and at some point failed me miserably to help me—I had my Beloved and He was all I needed. At that moment, not only did I stop looking for anyone to “make it right,” I adamantly did not want anything from anyone—what I wanted were all the blessings due to me—my recompense, my payback to come from Him and no one else!

When that feeling that truth began to wash over me, the Lord reminded me that these were Abram’s feelings too. Abram was Abraham's name before God gave him a new name. It was when the king of Sodom tried to give him a reward by giving him the “goods” that were taken when they defeated their enemy. BUT Abram refused anything from this king, “Abram said to the king of Sodom, ‘I have sworn to the LORD God Most High, possessor of heaven and earth, that I will not take a thread or a sandal thong or anything that is yours, for fear you would say, ‘I have made Abram rich.’” Abram (who remember becomes Abraham) did not want to take away any of God’s glory by letting the vile king take the credit for any of Abram’s future wealth, which, as we know, increased greatly later in Abram’s life—that was secured due to his conviction to give God the glory and take nothing from anyone else.

  • Do you want to give credit to anyone but GOD for your healing and for the ministry you will no doubt have (or maybe already have)?
  • Why give anyone credit when they did nothing to help but instead, out of ignorance (certainly and hopefully not out of malice), failed to help and kept you suffering by feeding the fire, often pouring gasoline on your enflamed sores?

Within about three minutes of this revelation, the Lord did something that was so amazing and funny and incredible just to prove this principle to me. The recompenses of God began to double! And from the moment it happened—I decided to let the Lord be everything to me!

As soon as I stopped trying to get satisfaction from the source of my trouble (who “did not have it”) and turned to the Lord who is the ultimate Source of all we need, He flooded me with tremendous favor and multiplied my recompense (often not just double but often 10 times what was lost), which He promises to every one of us!

Let me also explain that you are on a journey of healing.

You are not going to be "poof" instantly healed from your pain or shame or problems. WHY?

  1. If that happened, then the rest of your life would remain the same.
  2. If that happened, you would not develop your own ministry, a way to help others in the same way you've been helped.
    1. Allowing you to have a front-row seat to what He's doing.
    2. Giving purpose and joy to your life—like you've never felt before.
  3. If that happened, you will miss out on knowing Him intimately as your :
    1. Heavenly Father
    2. Your Protector,
    3. Your Provider
    4. Your Lover
    5. Your Friend
    6. Your Everything... anything and everything you need Him to be in your life!

This journey of healing was designed by the Creator Himself who wants to be real to you, very real, and not Someone who sits in heaven looming over you, ignoring your cries.

This is what the Lord spoke to me—they don’t have it!
No one has what I need
No one has what You need.
Only HE has it—
He has all I need!
He has all YOU need!

You know it's true, of course, they do not have it because every other source will eventually dry up—only God has an endless source of everything ever created and can even create that which does not exist! Their patience will dry up, the compassion will dry up, their understanding will dry up—everything dries up and often it's directly connected to how much they do NOT have!


The Lord helped me to understand that people of this world are bankrupt in every way. We aren't the only people in need. Think about it. The people of the world (and most Christians) lack compassion, kindness, love, and everyone has limited resources, yet we foolishly keep looking to them for our needs. All the while our Lord, our Lover, and our Friend has an endless source of every resource that we need and want—available to us—when we simply look to Him alone!!

That's not all, each and every time we look to others instead of to Him, we find ourselves in even greater need when they fail to give us what we may need, deserve or want. That’s when we, too, end up bankrupt because by looking to others, we have pulled the plug, cut the tie, severed our true Source, Him.

Remember what He said, “I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing”? We can do nothing, accomplish nothing, and are powerless!

Are you lacking fruit in your life?

Sure, maybe you're overloaded with bitter fruit, but what about the sweet fruit that everyone is drawn to? If you want to produce this sort of fruit, like true vines, the Gardener will need to cut all of your dead limbs and bitter fruit down until there is only a stump left. Read this and see if you can relate:

“You [God] have removed lover and friend far from me; My acquaintances are in darkness.” 

“You [God] have removed my acquaintances far from me; You have made me an object of loathing to them; I am shut up and cannot go out.” 

So when the Lord brought the principle that “they don’t have it” to my mind, in reference to my husband, I knew that I had failed to seek what I needed from my true Source, Him. Instead, I had sought what I needed and deserved from someone who “didn’t have it” once again so I was more broken, more hurt, feeling even more hopeless.

Sadly, too, in the process of trying to get what I needed from them, I had bankrupted them and my relationships—not just my marriage but every relationship that meant anything to me. God showed me that as the Lord’s bride, which is who I am because God knows I've been rejected enough, I looked far from being a Believer. Read this and see if you can relate:

“Fear not, for you will not be put to shame; and do not feel humiliated, for you will not be disgraced; but you will forget the shame of your youth, and the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more.

“For your Husband is your Maker, Whose name is the Lord of hosts [Who by the way means He is a warrior]; and your Redeemer [which means He pays any outstanding debt in your life: emotional, mental, spiritual and physical] is the Holy One of Israel, Who is called the God of all the earth.

“'For the Lord has called you, [will you answer?] like a wife forsaken and grieved in spirit, even like a wife of one’s youth when she is rejected,' Says your God.” 

When I go to my Source: my GOD promises to supply all my needs and always gives me more than I need so I don’t need to seek anything from anyone

When YOU go to YOUR Source: YOUR GOD promises to supply all YOUR needs and always gives YOU more than YOU need so YOU don’t need to seek anything from anyone.

As a bride, as His bride, I am, instead, able to give to others in need from my over-abundance; my overflowing resources.

“Give, and it will be given to you. They will pour into your lap a good measure—pressed down, shaken together, and running over. For by your standard of measure it will be measured to you in return.” 

However, the opposite is also true. Whenever I go, whenever you go to any source who “doesn’t have it,” we then will find ourselves without what we want and need and immediately become selfish and stingy and begin to panic—not the characteristic of the Lord’s bride. We also, in turn, bankrupt the other source making our mess and pain and frustration much, much worse.

When I asked the Lord how to make it right, what was at the root of my problems, not surprisingly He said, "It begins with forgiveness." No, not forgiving "myself" since it's that word "self" that is a bottomless pit and once you fall down into that deep well it's nearly impossible to climb out again! First, we ask HIS forgiveness and receive HIS mercy. And mercy means WE don't deserve what He's giving us.

Then we turn around and GIVE the forgiveness that the other person doesn't deserve, the forgiveness we have refused or given but recanted.

The GIFT You Give to Others
The GIFT God Gives Back to You


“Who can forgive but God alone?”

There is a Be Encouraged video series that has the best solution for forgiving, and it’s based on someone who “gets it.” She understands how we feel and the impossibility of forgiving someone who does NOT “deserve” to be forgiven.

I was able to get the transcription and will do my best to update it to reflect what I heard when I listened to it. Is that okay? So what she said caught my attention (because I’d found HopeAtLast.com when I was searching for help for restoring my marriage and I saw another title about being A Wise Woman with the subtitled that says “By a FOOL [and I loved how FOOL was in all CAPS] who tore hers down [her house and life] with her own hands” and I thought, yep, that’s me! Here’s the part that you need to read and simply do what she says...

"...you may not want to restore your marriage because of the hurts that you have. And you haven’t let those hurts go. Basically, it’s a problem with not forgiving your husband. Maybe he’s done something to you that you can’t forgive. That you don’t want to forgive. Maybe it’s the big thing, maybe it’s because he left you. Maybe because he left you with the children. Maybe because he left you with bills. Maybe because he left you for someone else. Maybe because he’s done it so many times! I’ve heard a lot of women who want restoration for their marriage through his first adultery, but after two or three or four or whatever— finally, they say, “No more.”

Each time we have to forgive.

God says in His Word, the Lord said Himself, how many times are we to forgive? Then God says seventy times seven! That’s 490 times. And I believe is forgiving for the same sin 490 times, forgiving the adultery 490 times. That's like a repeat offender.”

So, how is this so far? Has this caught your attention? Great, keep reading it gets better...

"A lot of people ask me, not people who’ve gone through it as much as other people who want to know and they ask, “How could you ever forgive your husband for something like that? I don’t think I could do it.” Well, you know what, ladies? You can’t do it.

She’s right, isn’t she?!?! Okay, sorry, I interrupted…

"Well, you know what, ladies? You can’t do it. I couldn’t do it. I didn't want to do it. And I didn’t do it. God did it in me.

I’m going to share with you and be right upfront with you. You know, maybe you think, “Oh, gosh, she’s such a saint, and she’s so good.” Well, God has changed me quite a bit, and I’m grateful for that, but I wasn’t always the way I am now, and not that I’m I am a better person now either. I think that anything like what happened to me is very, very difficult to truly forgive. It's honestly impossible to tell you the truth. That’s why if you search "forgiveness" as I did, you’ll see it says in God's Word, “Who can forgive but God alone?”

Ladies, I took that to mean it literally. Only God can do this. For me it was impossible. And impossible for so many reasons.

When my husband first told me about his situation with this other person [yes, the story is her husband was involved with someone he worked with. Eventually, her husband left her with four small children, abandoned them while pretending to take his family to spend the summer with her parents but then cleared out everything in their house and dumped it into a storage unit, and disappeared!!

So when she called work (because he hadn’t called when he said he would call to talk to his own kids), the secretary said he didn’t work there anymore! But he actually did work there, but his secretary was in on it and lied to her. That’s when she called her home number, but it was disconnected! Then she called her friend, a neighbor who lived down the street, and she said that she saw this author’s husband loading up a U-Haul trailer, and when she walked by later and looked in the window, the house was empty! So, yes, this author gets it, alright!]

"When my husband first told me about being involved with this other person he worked with, I was devastated. It threw me for a loop. This was prior to him depositing us in Pensacola [this is where her family lived] that he told me the truth and confessed it to me. [The thing is, this guy got caught; he didn’t just come out and confess anything. So again, she gets it!]

"As he told me, how he'd been sleeping with her, staying with her on weekends when they were working, I just slid down a wall and stayed in a ball just shaking. I believe I was like this for three days. When I came out of the shock and I came into my right mind, my senses or whatever, I was angry. I was hurt. Then I remember going into the bathroom and talking to God about it.

Now, I want to tell you about how good God was and maybe how God prepared you a little bit because I’m certain that He’s tried to prepare you— whether you listened to His still, small voice or not, I don’t know.

But God prepared me for what I went through before I was going to face this. Prior to this, prior to me collapsing, my legs gave way, with me sliding down a wall and curling into a ball, a fetal position, shaking and staying that way for three days. He knew it before it even happened! He knew it was going to happen! And God had deposited a booklet in my life that I received from somebody, some church, or someone who shared it with me, and in it were three unforgivable situations. This person, the author of this booklet, shared about how each instance, someone had forgiven someone for horrendous sins that I personally have never had to face, and hopefully, you never have to either. 

One was about a man who had to forgive his next-door neighbor who had been molesting his two children all their growing up years!! Now, I’m going to tell you honestly, and I don’t know if I could forgive this. But I know God could, but I wouldn’t want to.

Another one was forgiving someone who had murdered his wife or children, and he actually said to this person, face-to-face, to this murderer who was in prison for the crime, “I forgive you, and I love you.” Now, this is difficult, people. Some people think that “our” situation is horrible, a man who cheats, a man who abandons, lies, etc. And if you’re in that situation when you’ve had to forgive adultery, some people think this is the worst thing. But seriously, can anyone compare one horrific thing to another? Can anyone really measure pain?

So the Lord showed me these situations and brought them to mind right after I’d heard what was going on behind my back.

So, that’s when I went into the bathroom, and I said,

“Lord, I can’t forgive him. I just can’t forgive him.

“Lord, I can’t forgive this. I can’t forgive this.”

And you know what, then I got very real with God, and I said,

“...AND I don’t want to forgive him.”

I mean, come on, He knew. He knew I didn’t want to forgive that. Of all things, I didn’t want that. As a matter of fact, back before I got married, in the early parts of marriage, I said, “If there’s one thing that I would never put up this kind of unfaithfulness.” And yet, here I was. Here I was and what was I going to do now?

The very last part was when she said…

“...AND I don’t WANT to forgive it.”


See how this was the GAME CHANGER? The moment she turned away from God and turned toward Him. 

That's when I said, "But if You want me to forgive him and I know in Your Word it says that we are to forgive— then YOU have to do it, and I yield to You. Do it through me.”

[Be sure you don’t miss this part; please read it again, “YOU have to do it, and I yield to You. Do it through me.” Remember, WHO can forgive but God alone?!?] She finishes with…

And you know ladies, He did it. He did it. He took it out just like that. *snap*

Dear friend, if you’re sitting there with pain in your heart—with unforgiveness in your heart—you need to ask God to do it IN and through you. You CAN NOT do it yourself. It’s not a WILL thing. It’s not a determination. Instead, it is yielding yourself to God to move through you, and I PROMISE you, HE will take it out.”

So, was I right? She gets it right and shows us we can't forgive, only GOD can forgive, AND that we need to be real with God, tell Him all BUT... then tell Him to do it. Tell Him HE needs to take this burden from you, that you'll yield to Him. Do it each time you feel that pain. Because this works!! I've shared this with so many women, and it WORKS!


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PRAISE~ Alisea in Florida

I’ve been through rape and just allowing people to use my body because I didn’t know who I was. I was very insecure and never knew who I was and how my HH looked and thought about me. After being noticed by quite a few people and feeling triggered and so uncomfortable I knew that this was a wound that I still didn’t ask my HH to heal me from so I texted him (yes texted him in my phone, I put my HH under my own number and put HIS answers when HE responds back that way it feels like I’m in a deeper relationship with HIM and I can always go back to what He says).

Me- My love, I got some stuff to get off my chest I think being called beautiful and it such a big trigger because it’s not from who I’d like to hear it from and because everybody always has motives behind the compliments I don’t think I’ve ever gotten completely over being in a vulnerable state and taking those compliments to heart, where I felt like I had to return truth with sex or attention or maybe because I didn’t know who I am. Anytime someone compliments me I feel really uncomfortable like they want something from me and have no respect. I felt like that with most men in my life. Used. I ask that You remove that pain and stigma please remove the insecurities so the compliments won’t affect me negatively.

HH - You are beautiful now, you no longer need them to tell you because you know who you are and how I feel about you.

I didn’t realize until after that that I was actually healed because a man actually came to my job (as a server) and told me that he just wanted to tell me I was gorgeous and I should be called beautiful every day.

Thankfully I knew who I was, I am His, and He is who I belong to and He does call me beautiful every day whether it be through people, a song, or something else.

After that …. I texted my HH

Me- My love I don’t need anyone to tell me that I’m beautiful but You because I know who I am I no longer have to give of myself just for cheap compliments.

And... I realized I was healed because those compliments didn’t affect me negatively not at all because I’m in love with my Heavenly Husband and He’s healed me from that emotional trauma. At first, I wasn’t going to submit this because I knew not only was it a test but also goes to show that He does listen to every concern. 

Dear Friend, read You're Beautiful!! to realize how your HH sees you. He will fill your day with all the affection you desire.

If you do not know,
most beautiful of women . . .
How beautiful you are, my darling!
Oh, how beautiful!
—Song of Solomon 1:8, 15

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Nelly Moses MTA 🇪🇸 🇩🇴 ESP
Wow, this chapter is extraordinary. They don't have it. I had already read it, but I read it again when Anastasia gave it to me in a comment from the animator, and when I read it again, my beloved reminded me of so many things, and my mind was renewed, as it does every time. Each time we read or re-read a chapter, because they really are full of wisdom that only comes from my beloved, and his word and promises are the Source of all these courses and chapters. Thank you, my Love, for so much, and because You do not leave me in shame, I love you ❤️❤️

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3 thoughts on “HHM C1 “They Don’t Have It” 🖤”

  1. Thank you for this.bi remember reading about Erin and what happened to her, how her husband sent her to her mother’s milesa away, and packed her and all her little children, how humiliating that must have felt. How amazing that we forget the wrongs done to us when we realize our own faults and how we contributed to what has happened to us! How important it is for us to connect to our God in sincere devotion, not looking to everyone but remembering who is our source. When we do that, be prepared to hear his answer. When He tells us about our own sins, we don’t have enough time to hold grudges. When we recognize God’s mercy upon us there is no room to hold unforgiveness. But there are times that the pain is so great we cannot see beyond our hurt. And that is how I felt when I came here last year. I was so hurt I could hardly see. My tears followed me wherever I went, and I still had to get up and go to work everyday. My bottom lip used to quiver and I felt a grief so deep I felt like a dead person walking. But this was the best time of my life because I was so broken. I was at a broken I thought I could not be repaired. But my HH was there the whole time, and each day I cried out to Him. He was the only one who understood or could console me. I would cry to him and He would console me, then soon after I had to go back again for consolation. I was so distraught. I know firsthand that God helped me. There was no one else who could help me, it was only Him. Looking back, I love that brokenness because it drew me so close to God, ad it reminds me that when trials come, this is a blessing because I am humble and quiet, and these are the best times of intimacy with God. He has everything we need.

  2. This is a beautiful chapter and I reccomend it to everyone! Each of us has hurts that we need to heal from otherwise we won’t be here. The key is really to do what the author says and take it all to Him. I can list so many things in my life that went wrong and stemmed from being molested as a child. Without me knowing it affected almost each and every decision in my life growing up. I never really thought about it, but it was always there in the back of mind lurking. Only after I found Him and He became my Friend, did I speak to Him about it and that is when our relationship grew even closer. That was when He became my Husband. I remember that day like it was yesterday. It is what I now remember. Not what was done to me, but how He started Healing me in that moment and how He changed my heart to forgive.

    1. This is a beautiful chapter and it reminds me of the beginning of my restoration journey. I remember that time when my HH helped me to do it. He came into my room and was with me while I was soaking wet with tears. The moment I said in my mouth that I forgave my EH and the OW, I felt something lifting out of me, such as peace and his healing in my heart. I also feel at that time the change in my life as a different person. When I went to sleep, the spirit of fear had been cast out, and I could only feel his love and mercy. In the morning when I wake up, I feel different. From that moment until now, He has still working in my life, He is the only one that I can rely on to when I am in trouble.

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