Chapter 9
"One Step at a Time"
The shower is on and I am downstairs reading. Marco has been in there for a while now. I hear him rumbling in the closet getting ready to go out. He wears his nice clothes and sprays his favorite cologne. He runs down the stairs and says, “how do I look?” I just smile and he says goodbye. He was off to one of his many outings with Ivette. I decided not to get sad anymore, but instead, get excited because it was my alone time with God. I cannot stress enough how important this time we had together was to me. As much as I wanted my marriage restored, I knew my time with God was crucial in making everything new, in making me new. I was in the Potter’s hands and I needed work, and in the end, I knew it was going to be beautiful.
Marco and I went from barely talking or seeing each other, to becoming friends again. The wall had come down and we interacted again with no pressure or expectations. This was hard at times, believe me, I heard things I REALLY didn’t want to, but I followed his lead. We started laughing again together and genuinely enjoying each other’s company. I always gave him his space, and it seemed the more space I gave him the more he wanted to spend time together. I didn’t pay much attention to this and focused more on my time with God.
Christmas was coming up and there was a trip to New York planned to visit Marco’s family. It was like a mini-family reunion and I really enjoyed spending time with his family. We were getting ready to go out to the city and enjoy the Christmas lights. Marco’s phone rings and it is sitting right next to me on the dresser. I hear him in the bathroom saying, “Lota, can you bring me my phone?” I take it to him, and he looks at it, gives it back to me, and tells me to answer it. I look at the phone and it’s Ivette calling, so I answer, “hello?” she replies, “Um is Marco there?” I say, “Yes he is right here, hold on.” I hand Marco the phone and I walk back to the room. I had no interest in listening to their conversations, but I did wonder why he asked me to pick it up. Was he looking for a reaction? I don’t know, but shortly after he came into the room and randomly, in an odd way, confronted me about the time I had gone to visit my family in another state. The trip I had made right after my college graduation, the trip I had met someone else.
Now I have to share that in the past he has brought it up to me and I would always deny I had any relations with this guy trying to protect myself and my reputation. But, it had been such a long time since then, I had really hoped he had forgotten about it all. The thing is, God doesn’t leave any area of our lives unresolved. Not because He wants to punish us but because He wants to heal us. In my prayer time, God was already bringing this relationship to my mind and no matter how much I wanted to forget it, it was tugging in my heart. I needed to confess this to Marco, but I was so scared. Things were getting better between us and I didn’t want to mess things up.
This was the appointed time from God, oh please help me. Marco starts saying, “I know on that trip you were with a guy and I know you deny it, but I know something happened between the both of you…” and before he could finish, I said, “Yes, you are right, I did sleep with him. This whole time I did deny it, but you are right and I am sorry.”
I closed my eyes, with my shoulder tensed just waiting for the wrath of Marco to come upon me. I just knew he was going to let me have it and have it good. Instead, I heard nothing, just silence. I slowly opened my eyes and he just sat there on the bed looking down. I waited there knowing I had nothing else to say. Then he finally spoke, “You know Lota, I want to be so mad at you, I mean really angry, but I can’t explain it and I don’t know why, but I can’t. I can’t be mad at you.” He got up and said, “come on, let's finish getting ready, besides I need you to help me pick out a Christmas gift for Ivette so I have something for her when I get back home.”
All I could do was smile. I looked up and whispered to myself, “Thank you God because I know You softened Marco’s heart.” I was not going to let that last comment from Marco take the joy I had received from being forgiven and finally free from that part of my life. Things were falling into place and I was being transformed one step at a time.
New Year’s came right after our trip and return home. My family always does a huge party and it's a tradition that is never missed. This year was one of the hardest. Although I was grateful because Marco stayed with us until midnight, he was ready to leave right after to go spend the rest of the evening with Ivonne and her family. For us, after midnight, the party is just starting. We are eating, listening to music, and dancing and all the kids are running around playing. He insisted on my staying, but I couldn’t bear to be there alone and have everyone asking me questions or worse suspecting something was wrong between us. Throughout all this time no one knew about my journey, only my brother vaguely, and I didn’t want to start any unwanted conversations. So, I left the kids with my brother and I asked Marco to drop me off at home. He did and quickly left. I went up to my room, layed on my bed, and wept. I asked God to hold me and I just wanted to feel His presence with me. Many times I felt like giving up, thinking how much easier would it be if I was single and I could do my own thing. Here I was all alone while he was out having a good time, but God always comforted me and gave me the strength to go on and keep loving.
“Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.” I Corinthians 13:13
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