wLL 91 “Angry or Brokenhearted?”

In our last chapter, we discussed that our "Trust Training" was far from over and that we were just getting warmed up. Boy, was He right. I finished the first draft yesterday and was tormented by wondering if this chapter would offend or hurt the women I'm closest to who will be reading it. Yet, I left it and realized it because I trust He knows what He's doing. Besides, I keep this promise close to my heart: "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28).

In this chapter, we will discuss something I have been asking my Precious about for the last few hours. I should have been doing so many other things I was eager and excited to do, but then my heart broke to the point of having to stop to recover, He led me to begin writing this living lesson in order to help me understand.

"By WISDOM a house is built, and by understanding it is established..." (Proverbs 24:3).

This all transpired because I'd asked Him early this morning to help me understand what I'd witnessed during a text meeting. I'd asked a group of ministers, who, quite frankly, I would deem an elite group of women, most of whom I know personally, away from the ministry and consider close friends. So when they began to share their hearts, as I'd asked, they wonderfully did (or this chapter and my understanding of this topic would never have been possible). They expressed how something made them angry. They didn't say frustrated or exhausted, which is how this task I mentioned had affected me.

When I asked for wisdom about the emotion of anger, which I honestly rarely, very rarely, feel, my Friend reminded me of a mutual friend. I met this close friend at one of the lowest points in my life and her life. We met when our family moved from Florida to a remote farm in Missouri. And if you've been here or explored enough of our resources, you'll know that when I moved, it was with permission from the Florida judicial system. The charges for taking the life of my very own mother (okay, now I am having trouble typing due to my eyes filling with tears) had been dropped. But unfortunately, I was still being charged by another government agency for "abuse, neglect, and exploitation of an elderly person." At the same time, the woman who is now a lifelong friend, my neighbor who lived on the adjacent farm, had just lost her middle child, a teenage son, to a drunk driving accident.

Years later, when I moved back to another adjacent farm, a farmhouse her husband gave me (but now her youngest son and his family live there), we finally spoke about the grief she and I had been living through. It was so painful, dear reader, that neither of us could utter one word about it. Not a single word! Yet we both knew that the other understood how our lives and emotions had been shattered. We both clung to Him, me as my Husband and her as her Father—each discovering and filling our unique void.

When we finally spoke about it many years later, she told me she'd finally been able to let go of the anger. She told me that she didn't feel the pain as acutely when she was angry. As time healed her wounds, wounds I could never have imagined, she slowly could forgive and feel, and the anger was gone—replaced with a broken or maybe a fractured heart that is still healing through the love of her grandchildren and her deep, intimate relationship with her Father.

Dear reader, we don't feel hurt when we are angry.

In this day and age, when being a strong woman is now the norm, more and more women get angry. Few women react with tears and brokenness, so we feel like there's something wrong with us when we feel these emotions. My NarrowRoad Publishing Team will tell you that it took months for me to get over how broken I became after I believed they didn't care about the cover content of this book as much as I thought they did. The truth is, this is probably only my perception of what was causing what I'd discovered. Nevertheless, brokenhearted, I had to leave the project altogether for several months.

Created Male and Female

In A Wise Woman's "Helper Suitable," there's a section called "Created Male and Female" that my Savior reminded me about. He then led me to find Chapter 6, "The Angry Man," in the A Wise Man book. To be completely honest, I didn't want to go to the men's website or look at anything in the men's book. I know He used me to "author" that book and the men's RYM (but I've only ever been His typist). It just felt like going into a place where only men should go. Of course, I went without any hesitation and quickly grabbed what He wanted me to take, which was the chapter's opening verse, "He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city" (Proverbs 16:32).

This chapter is unique to the men because the chapter that coincides with it is our "Contentious Woman." The reason it's unique is that God created women differently than He created men. Men become angry, which leads to battling or fighting. The problem is when the anger is not directed at the enemy to protect his wife and children, and it's turned towards her (could it be due to wives becoming more like men, not the "gentle and quiet spirit" that wins "without a word"?). Yet, why or how can men today protect who God said was created as the "weaker vessel" (and who is, in fact, weaker no matter how you want to ignore facts and truth)? What do men do when fighting against the person God created them to protect? Women no longer "allow" men to protect them. Therefore, they can't, they won't, and they don't. So maybe the reason domestic violence has skyrocketed is because the enemy is inside the home? 

And whether or not you've forgiven your earthly husband or ex or have taken the path to embrace females only—until you allow God to give you a much-needed internal makeover, which begins with Him, breaking you and then healing you (see the book He Heals Me), you'll miss feeling like the woman God created each of us to be. Only as a "gentle and quiet spirited," not an angry woman, can we help be an example and guide our daughters and sons, giving them the life He created them to have.

Nonetheless, let me warn you, even though feeling female and experiencing the love and protection my Man gives me is literally "to die for," there's a flip side when there will be times, though very, very, very few, when you will feel hurt, though never, even by Him. But due to being female and allowing yourself to be a female, you will be left with a broken heart that takes time to heal.

As He often does, this time, when I spoke to Him, He had me close my computer and begin doing mundane workers@home tasks. Home tasks are intended to calm us and bring about a sense of peacefulness, which is why the enemy has schemed to have us forced out of our homes to work.

Once I found peace in ordinary, peaceful tasks around my home and was feeling better, He lovingly led me through a massive mess of notes to begin writing this new Living Lesson chapter as I listened to Him explain the difference between being Angry and Brokenhearted.

So what would living the lesson be exactly?

First, do not accept the "strong woman" persona and never push its demise on your daughters or other women in your life. It's a lie to rob you and other women of living the abundant life.

Second, this living lesson is about immediately going to Him as a woman because He has all the answers and the comfort you need. If He is your Husband, He will “live with you in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since you are a woman; and [He will] grant you honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life...” (1 Peter 3:7). You must go to Him immediately before you believe there's something wrong with you. "Why am I about to cry over something like this?" Or you feel tempted to join the crowd going in the opposite direction. "Just get angry, get mad, fight against this." Remember, He asks us to stand by and watch (to witness and report) what He can and will do when you ask Him to help you live the lessons you learn. "You need not fight in this battle; station yourselves, stand and see the salvation of the Lord on your behalf . . . Do not fear or be dismayed . . . the Lord is with you” (2 Chronicles 20:17.) 

Finally, let's face facts—we can't change ourselves; He's the only One who can change us, and I believe the change happens from hanging around Him more. I've had the same Best Friend for as long as I can remember. I was only seven when we met and became instant Best Friends (because I was desperate for a protective big brother). Then, after being Best Friends for ever so long, we fell in love, and one day, I became His bride—and I'm forever grateful because He really was my First Love! And just like all couples, we began to look and act alike, and often, we don't need to say a thing to know what the other is thinking. And now I hope the same for each of you.

Dear reader, if you find you are more likely to get angry rather than be hurt or brokenhearted, leave a comment and simply confess the truth. “Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed . . .” (James 5:16). If you're reading this in book form, ask God for someone to tell it to. The first person that comes to mind—contact them. Don't reason; just do it because He knows why.

“Most gladly therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, that His power may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for His sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong” (Philippines 12:9–10).