“He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, so that we might die to sin and live to righteousness; for by His wounds you were healed.” (1P224)
Have you ever used "tough love" on somebody who went astray? A child, spouse, family member, or friend? Basically, you give them an ultimatum, and if they do not change their ways, you kick them out of your house or life. I know I have, and just as the lesson taught, it may bring changes to maybe prevent consequences, but the changes are normally not permanent, and they eventually fall back into their previous ways or back into sin, sometimes even worse than before.
And just as the author describes, applying tough love only causes more destruction and builds a hate wall between you and the person you are trying to change. I have seen this in my own life. The more I applied tough love, reminding my offender of their sins and the destruction they caused, the more I pushed them away, eventually pushing him deeper into sin just to get away from me and my contentiousness, which was turned up a couple of notches trying to apply tough love. And the destruction was incredible; looking back, I cannot believe how terribly contentious I became applying "tough love," and I can also understand why somebody would rather run away than stay with a contentious woman, as it states in Proverbs 21:19: "It is better to dwell in the wilderness than with a contentious and an angry woman."
A better way to deal with the sins of others is to give them to the Lord, no matter how many times we have to do it. Then, to replace the harshness with the principles of LOVE that will never fail: "Love is patient; love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, and it is not proud. It does not dishonor others; it is not self-seeking; it is not easily angered; and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres." Although we need the Lord to apply these principles and not act in the flesh, I have also seen how applying the power of love can turn the hardest hearts around and break down the hate wall. We are not to resist evil or even give a blessing.
You can lift the burden of shame and condemnation and replace it with forgiveness by taking the sin on yourself. This is what Jesus does for sinners—He takes their burden, bringing us to our knees with gratitude.
As the author shares:
"If your son, daughter, or husband is in sin, you have the ability to take the blame, lifting the burden of shame and condemnation and undoing the guilt that is weighing them down. When you are the one throwing the blame, shaming, and condemning your loved one, you are simply the spokesperson for the enemy, whose nature it is to accuse. Accusing is ugly and damaging, and it is often at the root of your relationship’s destruction. You are waiting for them to do what is right when it is YOU who have the power to break the chains that have your son, daughter, or husband bound, but you refuse to use that power."
Please go and read this powerful lesson "It's All My Fault" that shares how we can use the power of love to break the chains of sin that are holding your loved one captive instead of using "tough love," which will only result in more destruction.
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Please share what He showed you in the lesson in the comments below, post your praise, or complete your journal.
Thank you for sharing dear Adina, I have to admit, I have and it did not change the person or even help the person to change, it did make the situation worse.