He Healed Me
Chapter 4
“You Be the Judge”
“For God did not send His Son into the world
to judge the world,
but that the world should
be saved through Him.”
—John 3:17
“The Waiting Widow”
Case Number 1
⏰ Quick 2-minute read
(Total Time Chapter 4 is 12 minutes)
Let me set the scene. A girl in her early twenties connects with a boy, now a man, whom she’s known since childhood. The moment they meet, their lives instantly change. He breaks up hours later with his girlfriend, and though they never kiss before her visit ends, they plan to marry.
Their next meeting results in an unplanned but welcomed pregnancy. The wedding date is moved up, but weeks later, she loses her baby. They marry and live, quite honestly—happily ever after—until the love of her life suddenly passes away.
Prior to his passing, just two weeks before, he gives his life to the Lord—she follows him as he rushes down the aisle. The peace she exhibits when she says goodbye to the love of her life is undeniable.
Years pass, and she continues to wait. Then, against her sister’s warning to only marry a widower or someone who’s never married, she does just that. A much younger divorced man with a son is what she uses to help God along. One doesn’t need long to remember Sarah, who helped God with His promise and the Ismael she created. Their marriage isn’t ideal, but it’s better than waiting until it’s not. A physical altercation results in her fleeing, homeless at one point, then after reuniting with her sister, she faces the threat of cancer.
Coming through all clear of cancer has resulted in her developing an extremely close relationship with her Savior, her “Honey,” and with her Abundant Life Coach cheering her on and opening her eyes to the truth and power of His promises, her life takes a dramatic turn from the valley towards the hills, “I lift up my eyes to the hills, from where will my help come in times of trouble?”
When her ex’s ex-girlfriend contacts her to ask if she would file for divorce, her Abundant Life Coach encourages her to ask her Honey if He wants her to be agreeable with her adversary to lead her. He does. Not only does filing cost about ten percent from when she tried in another state, it goes through within weeks, and she’s free to focus on her relationship with her Honey.
Time passes, relationships strengthen, and plans for a brighter future are as abundant as the life she’s living. Then, a puzzling scenario pops up. A handwritten letter arrives just after the New Year, and in it, a man from her past, a man who never married, writes to her that when facing cancer, what got him through, what strengthened his faith in the Lord, was believing he could spend the rest of his life with her.
Is it possible that the wait was not in vain? Is it God’s plan that this never-married man and waiting widow who is retirement age marry and pick up where she’d left off with her husband who passed? Does the fact that they share the same name help to confirm that God could have planned this all along, or is she disqualified because she did marry?
The question is, if she married a divorced man whose wife wanted to reunite with him, then she was in adultery due to his adultery. Therefore, once she let go and divorced him as he’d asked, is she no longer an adultress and, as a widow, she’s free to marry the man who never married?
You be the judge.
“Dreams of a Girl”
Case Number 2
⏰ Quick 2-minute read
Let me set the scene. A young preteen girl begins dreaming of having a happy, stable, predictable home. From the moment she was born, her mother has failed, not just a few suicide attempts and a lifetime of drama causing her to grow up quickly to mother her mother. On an extended family vacation, she spends a good amount of time with a “through marriage” relative, a (no longer young) woman who’s never married.
The calm predictability of the time she spends with her “aunt” (what she calls her) is what dreams are made of, and soon, she verbalizes how much she wishes her “aunt” would marry her dad. When her parents met, her mom was still married and pregnant. Soon after the divorce, she married her dad and had more children, the last baby being her.
The question is, if her mother was married and caused her dad to commit adultery because she was an adulteress, now divorced, is he free to marry a woman who’s never been married? Let me complicate this a bit more. If we look at the Bible closely, the purity within the marriage is in the woman.
Though more and more people believe that there’s no difference between men and women, the Bible clearly says otherwise. Scholars and theologians are forever debating passages and their meaning, yet who but God can determine situations the more complex they are?
You be the judge.
“The Seduced and Twice Abandoned Man”
Case Number 3
⏰ 4-minute read
Let me set the scene. A young man saves himself as his parents encourage him to do. Then he meets and falls in love, becomes engaged, and soon discovers she’s lied. Not the virgin she claimed, it’s no wonder she seduced him: “there’s no reason to wait” and falls pregnant.
They marry, and when their child is just months old, she becomes involved with one of his close friends from church, soon divorces him, and refuses visitation, citing his failure to pay alimony and child support after losing his job.
A year later, God restored their marriage, forgiving her and giving them a second child. Then history repeats itself, but this time, after she divorces him, she falls pregnant with her boyfriend. The question is if she lied about her virginity and living with a man, is the man free to marry a widow or someone who’s never married? If the purity is centered on the woman and not the man, is this man free to marry?
True, it is better for the one who is unmarried to live their lives devoted to the Lord. Yet, virgins are encouraged to marry in order to
“I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and his interests are divided. The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to put a restraint on you, but [a]to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord.
“But if anyone thinks that he is acting dishonorably toward his virgin, if she is past her youth and it ought to be so, let him do what he wishes, he is not sinning; let them marry. But the one who stands firm in his heart, if he is not under constraint, but has authority over his own will, and has decided this in his own heart, to keep his own virgin, he will do well.” 1 Corinthians 7:32-37
What’s very interesting is if you read this in several versions of the Bible, you will get just about as many interpretations of the principles presented.
Yet, you be the judge.
Oh, wait, are we the judge?
At some point, God says we will be called to judge the world when he warns us not to go to the courts to decide on what is right and wrong, who can marry or divorce, and who gets custody of their children. “Or do you not know that the saints will judge the world? And if the world is judged by you, are you not competent to constitute the smallest law courts? Do you not know that we shall judge angels? How much more, matters of this life?” (1 Cor. 6:2–3).
Solomon was the only man wise enough to judge, and interestingly, he became known for his wisdom when judging who got custody of a baby both claimed was theirs.
Our opening promise says something we should consider: "For God did not send His Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world should be saved through Him.” John 3:17 Didn’t Erin write this in her Wise Woman, in the chapter devoted to being Ambassadors of Reconciliation?
“For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world should be saved through Him.” John 3:17. If God didn’t send Jesus to JUDGE the world, I am sure He did not send me (or you) either!
“The VOICE bible "Here’s the point. God didn’t send His Son into the world to judge it; instead, He is here to rescue a world headed toward certain destruction."
“The Message “This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn’t go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad each person was. He came to help, to put the world right again. Anyone who trusts in Him is acquitted; anyone who refuses to trust Him has long since been under the death sentence without knowing it. And why? Because of that person’s failure to believe in the one-of-a-kind Son of God when introduced to Him."
“Don’t allow yourself to get in the middle of a situation trying to judge who has done what. It is not what you or I have been called to do. Rather, we are to minister truth and comfort as we seek the Lord to lead us. This leads me to one of the many lessons I have learned in the area of ministering.” [Used by permission]
As taught here in RMI, I enjoy digging deeper and looking at the original text, in this instance, Greek for the word judge. Interestingly, the actual text uses the word “condemn” κρίνῃ (krinē). Properly, to distinguish, i.e., Decide; by implication, to try, condemn, punish.
So, if we are [called] to “minister truth and comfort as we seek the Lord to lead us” when we begin witnessing incredible and heartwarming hope for individuals depicted in the three scenarios above, stories of hope most in the people in the world and the majority of churchgoers would be happy about—are we called to judge and do our darndest to stop? By judging each of these scenarios as wrong, “sin waiting to happen,” then by our attitude, we could easily condemn, even punish them, by our indifference if they disagree with how we decided if their future is “allowed” to have the potential for marriage.
“Are You the Judge?”
⏰ 4-minute read
How far should we trust our Beloved with the hearts and souls of our family and friends?
"Thus says the Lord, 'CURSED is the man who trusts in mankind and makes flesh his strength, and whose heart turns away from the Lord. For he will be like a bush in the desert and will not see when prosperity comes, but will live in stony wastes in the wilderness, a land of salt without inhabitant."
“BLESSED is the man who trusts in the Lord and whose trust IS THE LORD. For he will be like a tree planted by the water, that extends its roots by a stream And will not fear WHEN the heat comes; but its leaves will be green, and it will not be anxious in a year of drought nor cease to yield fruit." J175-8
With permission, let me once again quote what Erin wrote, this time in her best-seller How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage: From Someone Who’s Been There
“God showed me, in His Word, that Jesus was only harsh, critical, and opposed to one set of individuals—the Pharisees! And I was one of them! I am sorry to say that there are far too many Christian women who pretend to be spiritual on the outside but are filthy on the inside. There are so many women who look at their husband’s sins yet neglect to look at the log in their own eye. Ladies, this was me! I saw my husband and his sin of adultery. However, no one could see my contentiousness, my deceitfulness, or my spiritual arrogance.
“Others saw me (and I saw myself) as the ‘poor victim’ who had been abandoned and cheated on. But I, in my self-righteousness, was willing to forgive. I was the one desperately trying to hold our broken family together. I was the one waiting, with open arms, to forgive my husband, ‘the sinner,’ when he came to his senses by repenting and coming back home from the far country! Scribe, Pharisee, ‘white-washed tomb’!!”
When Erin wrote this book and trusted God to restore her marriage, which God did, she later found out fourteen years later that God had her living in a state of adultery. She didn’t know her first husband was living until after she was “No Longer an Adulteress” when she documents her journey, trusting the love of her life, using a BNN or pen name.
Now divorced and widowed (her first husband passing away) is she free to marry? Thankfully, in this chapter of He Healed Me, we never need to know or judge since she continues to live her Abundant Life in a continuous state of lovesickness—choosing to remain unmarried and devote herself to her first love so together they can finish her Abundant Life Journey.
Where would Erin be, where would we be if she listened to pastors and Christian friends who told her that the restoration she sought was sinful, wrong and that God’s plan was for her to remain single? If she wasn’t ignorant to what only God knew, she had a husband who was living. If she listened to the first pastor who told her that God saw the union between her wayward husband who’d abandoned her and his children and was living involved with the other woman, “Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For “the two,” He says, “shall become one flesh.” The pastor who interpreted this passage to mean God honored this union and not her marriage to the father of her children, again, I ask you, where would we all be?
Could it be we can trust the Lord, who no longer resides here on earth but is seated next to His Father in heaven, and simply love rather than judge?
“Love is patient, love is kind, it is not jealous; love does not brag, it is not arrogant. It does not act disgracefully, it does not seek its own benefit; it is not provoked, does not keep an account of a wrong suffered, it does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; love keeps every confidence.
“Love believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
“Love never fails…
“But if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away with; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away with. For we know in part and prophesy in part; but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away with.
“When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully, just as I also have been fully known. But now faith, hope, and love remain, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-13
“Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8 Sins that may not be the sins of another but our sins and we sit in the throne of judgement where we have chosen to sit.
“Do not claim honor in the presence of the king, and do not stand in the place of great men; for it is better that it be said to you, ‘Come up here,’ than for you to be placed lower in the presence of the Prince, whom your eyes have seen.” Proverbs 25:6-7
What I believe is that we should not “act unbecomingly,” that we should no longer “reason like a child,” and that we should be thankful that what remains is “faith, hope, and love” and remember “the greatest of these is love.”
Am I wrong?
You be the judge.
If you want all of this to stick, just be sure to
Post your Praise using your HHM BNN
But before you leave, comment BELOW and Encourage the Author of this post and this chapter.
Yvonne vd Hoff 
PM 
: I should have commented on the lesson first so that ladies after me could be encouraged by my comment. I confess I am bad at leaving feedback. That is the whole purpose we are here— to give feedback and encouragement. That is why we are encouraging women. I know if I keep on confessing my weaknesses, so He will get all the glory for changing me. So, here is my feedback on this wonderful chapter:
Many of these scenarios have crossed my mind at different times during this journey with Him. I often wondered what it would mean for others and their walk with Him. I knew, however, that for me, from the very beginning, my Husband did not have someone else planned for me. In the beginning, I believed He may have a marriage restoration for me, but now I know that I am happy being just with Him. I cannot picture my life with anyone else in it except for Him.
My mother never married again or even showed interest in any man after she and my father were divorced and although her reasoning was not biblical in the sense of marriage and remarriage, it was because she was not going to put her children through the difficulty of having a stepfather in the house. She was a good example for me and now I am able to take it even further and let women know that in the end, we are not to be the judge of others, but if you let the Lord become your Husband and He is all you want, then nothing else will matter except for the life He has planned for you.
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Thank you for this chapter. Even though I know that my Husband has NO other man planned for me and I want to live only for Him, I have a scenario I want to mention.
I have this friend and she has been married for 25 Years, it seems happily married if I look at her marriage and relationship with her husband. When I got to know her, I found out this was not her first marriage, neither was it her husband’s first marriage. She told me the story of their past and how they met.
Both of them were cheated on. She was in a very abusive relationship where her husband abused her, then he had her sell everything and move with him to another province (it would be like another state if you live in USA, but in my country South Africa, it is called a province). A few months later he left her and put her and her small children on a train back to where she came from. He divorced her and left her with nothing but the clothes on their back. She had to start over.
Years later, she met a man who had been divorced for about the same time as she had been divorced and his wife cheated on him. They got married and had another child. Their 5 children (2 hers, 2 his, and 1 they had together) grew up as if they were siblings. When I met them I could not tell the difference between the way she treated any of the children, except that the last born, the only girl, was a bit spoiled. Not only by her parents but by her brothers as well. I could not take that as any sign, me being the youngest of 5 and my siblings reminding me how I had life easier than they had growing up.
Now, I know what His word says about marriage and remarriage, but when I look at this couple and I see the absolute love they have for each other, I know that I cannot be the judge.
First, I plan to comment on another “Case” you shared, Yvonne, but first, He’s asked me to open my heart and say something.
As you know, I’ve become deeply affected by the lack of giving back and getting feedback on what I’ve said. In this case, not acknowledging what I’ve said. As women, we were created to be understood so rather than basically ignoring what I’ve said and going on with what you want to share.
The truth is I believe wholeheartedly and live the truth that was the foundation of this ministry I started in 2005, You’re ALL I Want • You’re ALL I Need • You’re ALL I Live For!
That’s why I was beyond baffled by how I have been feeling like this for the past few months, hurt and rejected, and why my Husband told me to stay away from all the LMFs and blogs. Then, this morning, after our time together (that I wanted to go on forever), He subtly explained, “If you weren’t hurt and made yourself vulnerable by sharing this with those closest to you, then this behavior would continue, and it will spread like cancer. It’s for THEIR benefit I put you through this, not yours, just like everything I’ve asked you to go through.”
Later, as we spoke more, He explained how it’s vitally important for ministers to give back in gratitude if they hope to continue having this opportunity God has given them.
Could this be one of the only reasons He’s kept me around for more than three decades? God knows. But I do hope most of you here are here to carry the truths and passion into the next generation and set it on fire in their hearts as well.
I should have commented on the lesson first so that ladies after me could be encouraged by my comment. I confess I am bad at leaving feedback. That is the whole purpose we are here, to give feedback and encouragement. That is why we are encouraging women. I know if I keep on confessing my weaknesses, so He will get all the glory for changing me.
So, here is my feedback on this wonderful chapter:
Many of these scenarios have crossed my mind at different times during this journey with Him. I often wondered what it would mean for others and their walk with Him.
I knew however that for me, from the very beginning, my Husband did not have someone else planned for me. In the beginning, I believed He may have a marriage restoration for me, but now I know that I am happy being just with Him. I cannot picture my life with anyone else in it except for Him. My mother never married again or even showed interest in any man after she and my father were divorced and although her reasoning was not biblical in the sense of marriage and remarriage, it was because she was not going to put her children through the difficulty of having a stepfather in the house. She was a good example for me and now I am able to take it even further and let women know that in the end, we are not to be the judge of others, but if you let the Lord become your Husband and He is all you want, then nothing else will matter except for the life He has planned for you.
Beautiful. HLM to add it to the lesson itself, so at some point I will come back and remove your comment, maybe mine as well.
UPDATE: It didn’t save it, so HLM to ask YOU to add it below “But before you leave, comment BELOW and Encourage the Author of this post and this chapter.” in blue and lead with your Yvonne vd Hoff 🇿🇦 PM 💖 linked to your https://loveatlast.org/author/heilasa/
I updated it in the lesson. 💕
From Erin where she commented in the document for NRP: Hmmmm, that’s a hard call. This example of a “seemingly” happy marriage is riddled with questions isn’t it?
I didn’t tell you but one of my sons has such a passion, almost an obsession with remarriage—especially in the church. I contribute with encouragement but determining what is okay in God’s eyes and what is polluting the children and the church, I personally have no idea and want him to explore it and possibly minister since he’s the “victim” of this happening.
One thing we are 100% convinced of is— it is BEST for women to remain SINGLE, living as I do and most of the women here—so she is free to completely “devote herself to the Lord,” as Paul said, and also can focus on her children.
Most surprisingly, my son continues to point out that the “purity” is in the women; therefore, a divorced man whose wife left and divorced him can marry a woman who’s never married or widowed.
WOW, Yvonne, LOOK what today’s promise was…
“No one lights a lamp and then hides it or puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where its light can be seen by all who enter the house, those who come may see the light.” L1133
Each day of the week I always watch in anticipation of how He scheduled these to be used, so I say POST yours and I will post MINE too.
I meant what I said that I’ve walked dangerously close to the cliff of the Pharisee for too long. It’s not that I was living a different life than what I appeared to be living, but it was too close to being self-righteous, which I now know is how RMI slid into the ditch of “gentle and SILENT” spirit and how being “discreet” turned into deception because trying to cover up details leads people to imagine and believe lies rather than truth.
Lastly, something my Husband keeps whispering is “the appearance of” evil, which my son also mentions all the time.
https://biblehub.com/1_thessalonians/5-22.htm
This is the first time I looked it up and I see that there are 12 versions that use “appearance,” so HLM to the Greek:
form εἴδους (eidous)
Strong’s 1491: Visible form, shape, appearance, outward show, kind, species, class. From eido; a view, i.e. Form.
SO, again, I believe you should post your comment and then move my comment so everyone can read it and take it to their Husband to know more.
P.S.
Please don’t think I want accolades, applause or thanks because I am uncomfortable with accepting anything like this because I KNOW it’s not ME who’s done anything, it’s Him.
What I love to hear is what you and your Precious discussed and get into a lively discussion one thing I do miss mainly from my father and also my mother. We’d discuss things, explore topics, listening, commenting and thoroughly enjoying sharing knowledge and their years of wisdom.
If you’re having these discussions with your Beloved Husband, then you’ll be eager to share them here, I hope. That’s what I long to see, how what He’s told me to share with you, that it prompted you making time to talk with Him about it—after all, it originated from Him.
Oh, I agree with Erin, being single is the best for me as well. I have so much time to spend with my children and even when they are not with me, I have time to spend with my Husband alone. I never feel alone or lonely. It is the best life to live.
I was blessed to meet a single Christian lady who lives in my building who spoke dozens of times about how lonely she is. I’m excited to have the opportunity to continue to share how/why I am never lonely (which she quickly concurred when I spoke about having the Lord with me, as my best friend since I was 7). I’m excited to witness what HE plans to do and what I will hear come out of my mouth *giggle*
“…do not worry beforehand about what to say, but say whatever is given to you [by God] in that hour; for it is not you who speak, but it is the Holy Spirit [who will speak through you]. M1311
I am excited to hear more about this in the future and through you witness His plans for her. 😍
Thank you for this thought-provoking chapter. As my fh was married before we got married, and he did not get divorced for Biblical reasons, I struggled with this for a long time. We did not have an affair during his first marriage, but the fact is he was married before. In my ignorance and not knowing what our Beloved says about marriage and remarriage, I didn’t even think twice about getting married to him, and in my mind I prayed about it and nothing prevented our marriage from happening. At that time, I was still deeply entrenched in worldly ways.
But now looking back and after reading the https://loveatlast.org/fc/living-the-abundant-life/chapter-16-no-longer-an-adulteress/ chapter I could relate to so many things that happened in the marriage.
Like I mentioned before I struggled with this for a long time, studying all the verses about marriage and remarriage, but my Beloved finally told me to let it go because I was carrying this burden for too long. I have peace now regarding my “singleness” and have no desire to ever get remarried, especially not subjecting my children to another “blended family”. I am happy and at peace with my Heavenly Husband and my children’s Heavenly Father.
My GOODNESS Adina. I am not sure I really remembered your full testimony but it’s POWERFUL. Now I can better understand why you are such an exemplary [commendable: deserving imitation because of excellence] as a mother and ministering with your Husband.
“I want you to be free from the concerns of this life…a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband.”
I’m sure it’s not the path you would have “chosen” for yourself any more than it was mine—but aren’t we all grateful that God said clearly, “The mind of man plans his way but the Lord directs his steps.” P169 💖
No, I would not have “chosen” this for myself or my children, BUT I have the blessed assurance that He has amazing plans for me and my children.
Thank you for the verse: “I want you to be free from the concerns of this life…a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband.”
“Singleness” and being a “divorcee” is not a burden or a shame like the world tells us or even judge you for, because He tells us in His word it is better to be “single”. But I have heard so many times that divorced people feel judged because of their status, even if they had no choice in the matter, like they are walking with a big red “D” on their forehead. Even “never legally married” people feel judged when they get older and still single. Which is such a shame, because if they knew the truth about having their Maker as their Husband, they do not have to feel anything but peace and joy regardless of their status. Maybe this is also why a lot of divorced and single people rush into a marriage, just to not be judged by the world…
Big red “D” is so true! What’s interesting when I read this from my phone yesterday is that when I was without a driver’s license (close to 2 years, lost by the resort, and without a permanent residence, I was unable to get a new one), I used Uber. On one occasion, the driver asked me if I was divorced, and the way I replied, he assumed he’d passed away, meaning I was a widow! My goodness—what a difference in the KINDNESS and respect I was given. I shared this with a couple of the ministers and enjoyed witnessing my Husband providing the same opportunity over and over with different Uber drivers and even people I met, who also assumed I was a widow, and I never corrected them.
Spiritually, they are dead, these men who left in adultery. In my case, I was the adulteress. Then, not long after, my first husband actually passed away, so my son said, “Mom, you are a widow.” He went on to say that because God didn’t recognize my second marriage (and maybe because he’s remarried), this is what I am. Honestly, it’s far too complicated for me. No doubt everyone will have a different opinion. Most will probably judge what I “sometimes” say or allow people to believe.
Every time, which is what I’ve done for decades (when someone asks what I do for a living), I pause to find out how HE wants me to answer. It definitely means relying on Him more.
Thank you for this chapter, I also had n lot of scenarios that’s come through my thoughts and then I’m asking my Beloved Heavenly Husband to clear my thoughts and full it with what from Him. And to keep the enemy out my thoughts.
I’m grateful that God forgive me for my sins and that my Heavenly Husband don’t judge me.
After I learned the truth when I came to RMI, I have learned that I wash a big sinner in lot of things in my life. I’m not proud of it but I know God wil use for good and to help others. Where I’m now on my journey,I have peace to be single and let it is this my Heavenly Husband, me and my daughter. I also have peace for what He plan for me. I know I still have the dream of being married one day but it have changed a bit because now I want what he want n marriage to be in every thing according to his will and to work together for Him and He must be firts in everything. I have prayed before I got pregnant with my daughter that I want children with the one that are meant for me and that I don’t want then to grow up in a slit up then with one and then the other one, and Step-parent . I know the pain by first hand about step-parents and didn’t what it for them. This prayer wash year agter a miscarriage. I month after the prayer I wash pregnant with her.I still believe in the prayer and times when I had feel I don’t now He reminded me of the prayer. But I gave my live to Him my life is in His hands and will. If he want me to stay single with Him ,or that he chooses someone else, or for a restoring and marriage with her father, what He wants for me is what I want. I’m know my journey started with pain but sometimes that’s how He get us to come to Him and I’m glad I have found my Heavenly Husband that I found the relationship with Him and don’t matter what his plans are for me, this want Us relationship to be first and that He will be first in everyone life in my family. Everything is about Him and not me.
He writes troughs me He lead me to write everything, I can’t think that I wrote everything. But that’s how He works troughs us and His Name gets the Glory.
You’re exactly where He wants you always to be, Kristy, where He was when He said, “Not My will but Yours be done,” when speaking to His father.
My son asked me just yesterday, if I had it to do over again, would I have restored the marriage to his dad? I had several answers because I didn’t know. I explained how I came to a place where I only wanted Him, the Lord, and begged God not to mess up the great life I had and my children had, too. My sons still say the two years we lived in poverty, and I felt called to restore my marriage were the happiest of their lives.
Of course, I knew the verses in RYM (I typed the book for Him) and basically left the decision to Him. I knew it would never happen unless GOD restored my marriage, so I thought if He did it, that was “His will being done.”
I also alluded to Hosea, who was asked to go against God’s law in Hosea 1:2. Interestingly, when I Googled to find the reference, it said, “* This instruction from God has posed a problem for many.” That’s for sure!
Amazingly, my son called me in the afternoon, and we spoke about this again. He has a passion and a burden to speak to the church about marriage, remarriage, and divorce so that children aren’t raised by something you mentioned, Kristy. This is what motivated me to not just find another husband. I didn’t want my children to be raised by a stepfather. Rather than the accepted “blended” families, they’re broken families and will stay broken, in my opinion. We’ve discussed several products of being from broken families. Half of my children’s spouses are from broken families and blended families, which we now accept as dysfunctional.
Anyway, I told my son I’d forgotten that his dad had divorced me a second (or third time), and I remarried him again and how that came about. No question, it was what He wanted me to do. On a Monday morning, I heard Him say, “Agree and set the day for two weeks from today.” So I grabbed my organizer, flipped to the day, and gasped because it was our wedding anniversary!! When I told him, he quickly called the mega church that was experiencing a huge revival, and because it was a Monday, they allowed us to be married in the gorgeous sanctuary. It’s still hard to believe. So here’s the conclusion:
If I hadn’t been willing to allow GOD to restore my (second) marriage the first time, there would be no RMI.
If I hadn’t been willing to remarry my children’s father but then after the next divorce I said, “No, I’m not going to remarry you,” Michele Michaels would never have written the Abundant Life books.
I’m confident that most believers have no idea how much the decisions that are made will affect not only us, our children, and our extended family but also many people we have no idea will be affected.
This is why “Your will be done” should be on the lips and hidden in the hearts of every believer—especially His brides! Then practice this all day, every day. For example, leaving the decision of what to wear, where to go or what’s for dinner to Him. Simply ask and listen for His will for everything. It’s the only way you and I will be ready to turn over the huge life-altering decisions to Him.
**Yvonne, as the publisher, can you ask God for wisdom to know how many of these discussions should be added above, which will be part of the book when it’s published?
What exactly is meant by “the purity within the marriage is in the woman”? Can I have examples? It takes me a bit longer to understand than most. 😁
I could easily grab a couple of verses but my Husband reminded me of 1 Corinthians 14:35 https://biblehub.com/1_corinthians/14-35.htm and even though they’re referencing EH, we have the Author who can show us. When you and your Husband are done, I hope you will share your findings here for everyone who may also be blessed, Hope.
♥️ I will be back to share
Wow, I needed to read this now. I am sitting here with tears streaming down my eyes, I haven’t cried like this in a very long time. I know now why my Darling Lord led me here to read.
I met my husband in school, walked away with him and later fell pregnant. I didn’t want to marry being pregnant because for me it meant we got married because of our son, so we got married after our son was born. After 3 years he left me for this very beautiful lady and he went back and forth between the two of us and I am guilty because I didn’t let go.
All I ever wanted was a restored marriage and I lived a terrible life of trying to get him back and even falling pregnant with his second son (while he was remarried – so I really can’t judge, but I did judge my eh and the ow so very much😭). I hurt the other women so very much (which I asked my Darling to please help me to ask for her forgiveness and this year she phoned me to get hold of documents and I asked her to forgive me, which she too said she knows the Lord made a way for us to talk). I know she too couldn’t take it any more and divorced him after a few years and he came back to me and quickly remarried me. But I didn’t get my fairytale I always thought it would be like. I then of course asked my Darling why He restored our marriage and He gave me this verse: “And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, ‘Grant me justice against my adversary.’ “For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, ‘Even though I don’t fear God or care what people think, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won’t eventually come and attack me!’” And the Lord said, “Listen to what the unjust judge says. And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?” L18:3-8 https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke%2018&version=NIV (I don’t think there was any other lady like me, that begged the Lord day and night for a restored marriage.)
When he left again I have to be honest I was relived and not long after that I joined RMI and I was walking with this secret that I don’t want a restored marriage and I know now is the time to let go of the secret. I don’t know what the future holds for me, but my Darling Lord is all I want and all I need! Will it make sense if I say, for year after year my earthly husband got my heart, so he had enough of my heart, now my Darling Lord deserves every part of my heart…
And for long my obsession to have a restored marriage left me with questions what if I didn’t remarry, but now I know I wouldn’t have had a passion to show women our Darling Lord is the only One that can really fill us till up to the point that we need nothing else. And my prayer for my earthly husband is that he too finds the Lord that way, that he never ever wants to give his heart to any other than the Lord…
Wow this is so beautiful, after reading this chapter you can never think the same again…
What you said is so beautiful, Janine! What you shared needs to be included in the book to inspire other women.
Interestingly, I shared your testimony with my son, and at different points, he stopped me to make sure he understood—and thrillingly, he said no wonder I was so thankful that you are the LMF for AFR because your testimony is so wonderfully powerful! I believe God even used your story for my son to look at me in a better light because of how I understand that it’s the “Mary Magdalenes” https://biblehub.com/john/12-3.htm who I trust with the ministries He birthed through me.
What is so important for us to impart to others is that each and every woman can experience His love. When we have His love, to the extent of Mary Magdalene, then we are free to love others without ever “needing” the love of anyone: not a parent or a lover. This is how He designed us to be and what He deserves for all He’s done for us.
I am so grateful for this Chapter, this Chapter made a huge impact on me. I couldn’t wait to share it today with work friends and my sister, ending every time with the words YOU BE THE JUDGE and it had the same impact on them and it really let me think. This Chapter changed something in me that needed to be changed.
I am forever grateful to be the LMF for the Afrikaans, I could have never ever, in the midst of my pain imagined that my Darling had this instore for me (and still it’s nothing I am doing because apart from Him and really can’t do anything) and I am forever grateful that our Darling Lord birthed the ministries through you 🤗
“You are the God who works wonders; you have made known your might among the peoples.” P77:14 https://biblehub.com/psalms/77-14.htm In my pain I always said why me Lord, today I can really say thank You to the Lord for making me apart of all His wonders and not at all because I deserve it. Just imagine right in my pain, (trying to commit suicide a few times) our Darling Lord already had it planned out that I will one day be here.
Yes it so very important to really pass it on to each and every women that they too can experience His love, not just the word love, but really really this overwhelming feeling of being surrounded by His love, that love that enough words can’t even explain. I always felt my life was over after I lost my eh and since I have become His bride, I feel my life is only starting now, a new beginning with our Darling Lord and I want that for each and every lady, no matter single, married, divorced ext. A NEW BEGINNING WITH THE LORD.
Definitivamente está lección te hace pensar mucho, pero lo que tengo claro es que no puedo ser juez de nadie, en mi pasado si obviamente lo hubiera hecho. Pero al conocer al Señor como mi amado y mi todo ya eso él lo cambió en mi. Yo conocí a mi ET a través de una aplicación en línea y me vine a este país a casarme con él aún sin conocernos en persona, eso fue un salto de fé ciega porque yo no habría hecho algo así nunca, tenía una vida muy planificada y estructurada, y al poco tiempo de haber dejado todo atrás el Señor quitó su corazón de mi y empezó mi viaje de restauración aunque no lo sabía en ese momento. La manera como mi amado me aparto de todo y de todos, prácticamente hasta el presente es porque fue la forma como yo pude voltear a ver al Señor que estaba allí para mí y conocerlo como mi esposo, sin duda volvería a pasar todo el proceso las veces necesarias, si el resultado será tener mi esposo celestial y la intimidad que ahora experimento a su lado, no quiero volver a ser la persona que fui antes de conocerlo como mi primer amor.
Actualmente mi amado me.trajo de nuevo a casa después de vivir unos cinco meses fuera, nuevas pruebas, pero algo que cambio en este mes y medio que llevo de regreso a casa con el ET, es que debo orar por la salvación de su alma y que estoy en deuda con mi amado por no haberlo hecho ante, el enemigo es astuto y te desanima y te cansas, te vuelves de doble ánimo, etc son tantas sus estrategias. Estoy en ese punto donde la restauración del matrimonio ya no es mi prioridad, si es voluntad de mi amado estará bien, sé que no estoy lista para eso y él tampoco, así que disfruto mucho mi tiempo con mi amado y no hago planes, él tiene un propósito para todo. Me apego a su plan perfecto y su voluntad 🙏🏻
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This lesson definitely makes you think a lot, but what I am clear about is that I cannot be a judge of anyone, in my past if I obviously had done it. But when I knew the Lord as my beloved and my everything, he changed that in me. I met my EH through an online application and I came to this country to marry him even without meeting in person, that was a leap of blind faith because I would never have done something like that, I had a very planned life and structured, and shortly after leaving everything behind the Lord removed his heart from me and my journey of restoration began although I did not know it at the time. The way my beloved separated me from everything and everyone, practically up to the present, is because it was the way I was able to turn to see the Lord who was there for me and know him as my husband, without a doubt I would go through the entire process again. times necessary, if the result will be to have my heavenly husband and the intimacy that I now experience at his side, I do not want to go back to being the person I was before knowing him as my first love.
Currently my beloved brought me back home after living about five months abroad, new tests, but something that changed in this month and a half that I have been back home with the ET, is that I must pray for the salvation of his soul and that I am indebted to my beloved for not having done so before, the enemy is cunning and discourages you and you get tired, you become double-minded, etc. There are so many strategies. I am at that point where the restoration of the marriage is no longer my priority, if it is my beloved’s will it will be fine, I know I am not ready for that and neither is he, so I really enjoy my time with my beloved and I don’t make plans, he It has a purpose for everything. I adhere to his perfect plan and his will 🙏🏻
cada día estoy más que agradecida con mi amado por traerme a este ministerio, wao cuanto mi amado me ha enseñado, desde niña quise en mi inocencia una familia unidad y cuando estaba en mi adolescencia lo deseaba más, ver cómo muchas familias caminaban juntas, y recuerdo que una de las razones por lo que acepte al señor como salvador era para que él me diera una familia como las que yo veía que entraban a la iglesia en aquel tiempo, ( mi amado me la dio, 🙌 pero no supe ser la mujer Sabia que edificará su casa) y al comenzar este viaje comencé a orar de manera constante porque él la restaurará, pero gracias a mi amado que con tanto amor me fue guiando y tratando de que no sucediera lo que sucedió ( el divorcio,) sucedió y desde entonces aprendí a decir QUE SE HAGA SU VOLUNTAD, y ahora donde perdí por lo que tanto luche mal, he ganado lo que debí buscar desde un principio a mi ESPOSO CELESTIAL, MI amor, mi único amor, quien nunca me ha dejado a pesar de serle tanto años infiel a él, y poner en primer lugar a mi ET, mis hijos, mi trabajo, amigos , o las opiniones o sugerencias de otros.
Gracias por darme un nuevo comienzo, donde solo quiero y pido que se haga la voluntad de mi amado en mi vida♥️♥️
Soy su novia y así lo siento y me veo💍
Every day I am more than grateful to my loved one for bringing me to this ministry, wow how much my beloved has taught me, since I was a child I wanted in my innocence a unified family and when I was in my adolescence I wanted it more, to see how many families walked together, and I remember that one of the reasons why I accepted the Lord as savior was so that he would give me a family like the ones I saw entering the church at that time, (my beloved gave it to me, 🙌 but I didn’t know how to be the woman I knew that he will build his house) and at the beginning of this journey I began to pray constantly because he would restore it, but thanks to my beloved who guided me with so much love and tried to prevent what happened (the divorce) from happening, it happened and Since then I learned to say LET YOUR WILL BE DONE, and now where I lost what I fought so hard for, I have gained what I should have sought from the beginning, my HEAVENLY HUSBAND, MY love, my only love, who has never left me despite of being unfaithful to him for so many years, and putting my ET, my children, my work, friends, or the opinions or suggestions of others first.
Thank you for giving me a new beginning, where I only want and ask that my loved one’s will be done in my life♥️♥️
I’m his girlfriend and that’s how I feel and see myself💍
I recently became aware that it is very possible that in My Loves eyes, I am in an adulterous relationship with my current husband. When I originally realized this could be I had such a sense of fear but it melted away, as I felt Him remind me that He was all I needed anyways. What a marvelous lesson today and I am excited that He uses all things for our GOOD and has plans for a prosperous life full of peace love and joy as He provides all our needs and desires!!
This week He has been reverting my mind back to the principles learned in the RYM book, that not only applies to restoring a marriage but all aspects. Below, taken from the RYM book reminds me a lot of this new chapter.
When a person believes that God will not forgive a second or subsequent marriage but sees it only as ongoing adultery, that person is saying that our Lords blood is unable to cover the sin of adultery caused by divorce and remarriage. This verse shows us the truth: “Or do you not know that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers . . . shall inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in His name, and in the Spirit of our God.” Hallelujah! God can and does forgive adultery—any and all adultery! “And the Lord said, ‘Neither do I condemn you; go your way. From now on sin no more’” (J8:11). Impossible, you say? When He spoke of it being “easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God” that is certainly impossible to do, His disciples questioned Him: “Then who can be saved?” “And looking upon them the Lord said to them, ‘With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible’” (M19:24–26). But I was told that since my husband was married before (or I was married before) that I am in “continual” adultery. If we must go beyond His shed blood and His forgiveness by “needing” to “make it right” by no longer being in a second marriage (which, by the way, would constitute a divorce that God says He hates), then a person who stole something would need to “make it right” by returning what he had stolen. That would be fine if the person still had what he took, and if he no longer had the goods or money he certainly could work to pay it back. However, if someone murdered and needed to “make it right,” how could he? The person he murdered is dead. Therefore the “solution” of “making it right” does not work since it is not applicable to all sins.
Thank you, Hope! I really needed to read this again. https://hopeatlast.com/c1/d16-chapter-12-seeking-god/ I honestly needed to read it from the source to verify it wasn’t just ME wanting my ears tickled.
This morning’s promise was “Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty and marvelous and wondrous things, which you do not know…things to come, things you could never figure out on your own, remarkable secrets…“ J333
I read “things you could never figure out on your own” over and over and “Selah(ed)” def. Pause and CALMLY think about that (see Selah* comment below) because just yesterday for Mother’s Day I had spoken to one of the Case # and because our call was interrupted I had time to speak to my Husband about the topic. I said, “If You want me to bring up the topic, just have me say it.” I DID and asked in a positive way, something like “How’s your love life?” Completely taken aback, more like shocked, there was a very long pause—which gave me time to reflect how most people felt around me, JUDGED. Gingerly they began to share and as a result our relationship grew closer and stronger. We spoke often about God’s choice and letting Him bring the person He chose into their life—both watering seeds planted and pulling out the weeds of a self-righteous Pharisee I’d unknowingly become.
Waking up Monday it was on my mind but my Darling wasn’t done. Another close relative had left me a series of text messages and just this very moment I realize why they had kept their distance. They felt judged *weep* 😭
They’d reached out after I’d once again texted but without expecting a reply. The news was they were getting married. A second marriage. So I once again Selahed and INSTANTLY my Husband reminded me about this HHM character and why He came “not to judge” but (let’s read it in His own words the first time He preached):
The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me,
Because the Lord has anointed me
To bring good news to the afflicted;
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to captives,
And freedom to prisoners;
To proclaim the favorable year of the Lord,
And the day of vengeance of our God;
To comfort all who mourn,
To grant those who mourn in Zion,
Giving them a garland instead of ashes,
The oil of gladness instead of mourning,
The mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting.
So they will be called oaks of righteousness,
The planting of the Lord,
that HE MAY BE GLORIFIED.
Then they will rebuild the ancient ruins,
They will raise up the former devastations,
And they will repair the ruined cities,
The desolations of many generations.”
Selah* I’d had that word Selah and what He’s telling us to do on my mind ever since I shared it with someone many of you know from https://loveatlast.org/fc/ss/wk14/)
I’m glad that you shared your story about your conversation with your Husband. It’s a great how He can use us to reach out to others and build closer relationships towards Him. You’re a Wise Woman and I’m sure it’s easier for others to feel intimidated or judged for that very reason. It’s wonderful that you were able to have them share, and them not feel very apprehensive to share with you, and your relationship grew closer and stronger. The big weeds are easier to get rid of and those little weeds are not as noticeable and are often harder to pull, so we just don’t notice them or give up and let them stay. Maybe he’s calling us to pull up those little pesky ones too 😀
“Be happy with those who are happy. Be sad with those who are sad. Live together in peace with each other.” Ro12:15 🥰
Gracias por cada Lección compartida💐 es difícil ponernos en posición de Juez para “Juzgar” cada situación que se plantea, si Nuestro Esposo no vino a Juzgar a nadie si no a brindar su Amor y Salvarnos de la muerte Espiritual quien somos nosotros para hacerlo!
Pero me encanta cada comentario de sus Novias, Y sé que el plan que Él tiene para nosotras sea cual sea, divorcio, soltera, restaurada, es el mejor porque sus planes son de bien y su voluntad es buena, perfecta y agradable.
Todo lo que nos ha llevado a pasar fue lo que llamo nuestra atención para quebrantarnos, para volver a Él, así que podemos confiar en Él que todo por lo que pasé el esposo terrenal o cualquier persona es el plan que Nuestro Esposo tiene para ellos para llevarlos al arrepentimiento así que no debemos interferir en sus vidas si no como Erin nos enseña quitarnos del camino de la maldad.
Gracias por ser mujeres mayores y sabias 💐💞
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Thank you for every Lesson shared💐 it is difficult to put ourselves in the position of Judge to “Judge” each situation that arises, if Our Husband did not come to Judge anyone but to offer His Love and Save Us from Spiritual death who are we to do it!
But I love every comment of his girlfriends, and I know that the plan that He has for us, whatever it may be, divorce, single, restored, is the best because his plans are good and his will is good, perfect and pleasant.
Everything He has put us through was what called our attention to break us, to return to Him, so we can trust Him that everything that the earthly husband or anyone went through is the plan that Our Husband has for them to bring them to repentance so we should not interfere in their lives but as Erin teaches us to get out of the path of evil.
Thank you for being older and wise women 💐💞
I Shared all what I learn and discuss with my HH in this post: https://loveatlast.org/we-will-be-like-angels/
Oh Wow. Never thought that these could be realistic situations that actually happen. I now understand better why my mother, for whom I still long for her to be reunited with my earthly father. Fel indicates that this is no longer possible. She knew that because my father remarried. Would make the other woman an adulterer. My parents were never officially married. For my mother too, my father was the one who broke her virginity. I can let go of this reunion now. But my own story…
I have read all the different cases. I never thought that there are such diverse situations about which you cannot simply have an opinion. Let alone be the judge to judge the situation. So iam glad that you gave us some different situaties to look at. It opened my mind to think about my own past regarding the men that i have been with.
I married the second guy in my life that I thought I fell in love with. Now that I have read the different scenarios, I could also add my situation and ask how should it be judged here. I gave my virginity to the first boy I didn’t marry. I honestly believed that I would marry him. Not long after, I made a terrible mistake that made him decide to end our courtship. I was devastated about this. We remained good friends. Because of the many moments because we could easily talk to each other about different topics. And because our parents got along well, I continued to see him a lot. After all, I was and remained the girl who was seen as the perfect daughter in the family. His mother also regularly praised me by expressing how sorry she felt that her son did not want to continue living with me. So i began to think someday we would be together again. It did not happen. I met my former husband through my then ex-boyfriend. Even though he initially wasn’t the man I imagined sharing my life with. Something about him attracted me. He was from a different city and background and since I come from a culture where it is common for men to have multiple wives and children. I didn’t want this for myself and my future children. Now I realize that this was why I married my former husband. I had no love, I was in pain from rejection from my ex boyfriend. Which I refuted with this reason. In addition, I should have known that my marriage would not go well. Our parents did not get along with each other. In short, from the moment my former husband and I started living together, there have been stimuli that are not a good start for a marriage. I tried to have a good marriage. However, my ex-boyfriend kept coming forward, who was now married, but it turned out that his marriage was not going well either. Somtimes my mind got back to thinking maybe i could not be married to my former husband. I never read it here. But the sealing of a marriage was a sign by breaking the woman’s virginity. So in my case. I should never have married my former husband. Did I turn my former husband into an adulterer despite not being officially married to my first love who received my virginity.
Or am I the adulterer now? I can no longer be connected to my first boyfriend or my former husband. To not make him an adulterer. Or is my only option going back to my former husband who I was officially married to. Only my Lord knows.
I am extremely happy that this chapter has given me relief to no longer mind being alone. I have a husband. My very first LOVE. Where my heart goes now. If my marriage is restored, it means that I received it through His love and lovingkindness towards me.
His will be done.
Gracias por este capitulo.como todo el libro me muestra mis errores pero tambien la misericordia de mi Amado.
Era tan dada a juzgar, los segundos matrimonios, me crei tan recta y era una farisea mas. Se que ofendi a mi Señor grandemente por no haberme casado pura, porque sabiendo que estaba haciendo lo incorrecto lo.hice..y nunca le dije a mi et, que no era virgen.Y hoy lo confieso porque este capitulo me dio la oportunidad de hacerlo y porque se que debemos confesar nuestros pecados .Como podria seguir juzgando si yo misma desobedeci a mi Esposo, si cometi tantos errores, aun antes de casarme y que fui realmente una oveja perdida..que no lo escucho. Se que Su amor es tan grande que me ha perdonado , y por eso estoy aqui , porque me ha traido a limpiarme , a sanarme y que siga el camino a Su llamado.
Gracias por este maravilloso libro, Erin y Paula.
Gracias a mi Amado por venir no a juzgarme sino a que sea perdonada, a ser lavada por Su inmenso amor.
El Unico Juez es Dios y El sabe lo que hace en cada uno de nosotros, solo debemos dejar que El sea Todo lo que necesitamos y ponerlo de Primero, nadie nos ama, nos consuela , ni nos entendera como solo El puede hacerlo.