RYR 5 “He Turns the Heart”

Has everyone told you that your son or daughter or husband (or someone else who has rejected you) has his or her own will and therefore he or she may “choose” not to return home or be reconciled to you? When trying to restore your relationship you will be bombarded (as everyone else is who is seeking restoration) by the onslaught of those well-meaning individuals who love to tell you that it is a person’s “choice” and his or her own “free will” to choose to leave you or to live with someone else—but, praise the Lord, their will is not what’s important.

Man’s will in not what matters. When God led me to search for the truth to this dilemma of “man’s will” versus “God’s will”—I found the truth! I found that the Bible continually referred to “God’s will” without mentioning man’s will even once! Let me show you what He showed me:

It’s not “man’s will” but “God’s will” that matters!! Since throughout Scripture it tells us that “He does His will . . .” (Dan. 4:31).

Consider Nebuchadnezzar. After his pride caused him to crawl like an animal, Nebuchadnezzar said of God, “He does according to His will in the host of heaven and among the inhabitants of earth; and no one can ward off His hand or say to Him, ‘What have You done?’” (Dan. 4:35). Is this the same God who still does according to His will or is your husband, son, or daughter (or father, mother, boss, best friend, coworker or neighbor) greater than King Nebuchadnezzar and God’s power?

Consider also Jonah. Jonah, like Nebuchadnezzar, was unwilling to do what God wanted him to do, but God made him willing. “And the Lord appointed a great fish to swallow Jonah, and Jonah was in the stomach of the fish three days and three nights” (Jonah 1:17). God is more than able to make anyone, even you, willing to do what He wants—just give it to God and watch Him work on your behalf!!

Lastly, consider Paul. “Now Saul, [was] still breathing threats and murder against the disciples of the Lord. . . . Suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him . . . and Saul got up from the ground, and though his eyes were open, he could see nothing . . . ‘The Lord Jesus . . . has sent me so that you may regain your sight and be filled with the Holy Spirit.’ And immediately there fell from his eyes something like scales, and he regained his sight, and he arose and was baptized” (Acts 9:1–18).

God is more than able to change your loved-one in an instant!! I have seen it done countless times with people who argued that their husband or son or daughter was a hopeless individual—until God moved! If you say “But you don’t know my…” I would say that this only proves that you don’t know God!! Just remember, He radically changed you and me, didn’t He?

Turning the Heart

Now let’s get down deeper into the truth. You will hear pastors and other Christians say that it is your husband’s “will” to leave you, divorce you, or be with another woman. They will argue that it is your son or daughter’s “will” to take drugs or live in immorality, and that God will not violate that “will.” However, you and I just read in Scripture that it is not man’s will but God’s will.

However, if you are still not convinced, let me share with you the awesome revelation that God showed me—are you ready? Here is what will give you the proper focus: It may be your husband’s will to leave you, divorce you, or be with someone else OR your child’s will to take drugs, drink, or live immorally, but who cares about the will when God can change their heart!

We don’t need to worry about the will of man any longer; instead, we need watch how God will turn their heart! “The king’s heart is like channels of water in the hand of the Lord; He turns it wherever He wishes” (Prov. 21:1). No one is stronger than God, and to think so is really blasphemy. God is greater and more powerful than anyone you have encountered—anyone!

God will give anyone a new heart and replace his or her heart of stone with a heart of flesh—just believe and it will happen! “Moreover, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; and it will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh” (Ezek. 36:26).

The first step in turning a heart that is hardened is to find God’s promises, His truths, and then meet the conditions of those promises. These are the verses that I memorized and used to turn my husband’s heart back to me the first time that he left me for another woman.

“When man’s ways are pleasing to the Lord, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him” (Prov. 16:7).

“Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart” (Ps. 37:4).

“Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him and He will do it” (Ps. 37:5).

“Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you” (Matt. 6:33).

Remember, you need to put God first in your life; He never wants to be second place to anything or anyone. Once He is first, you will begin to be transformed into His image. That is when you will begin to see that heart of stone of your loved one turning back to you.

If you struggle with this principle of man’s will versus God’s will, you will need to renew your mind with the verses in this chapter to overcome the doubts of the “man’s will theology” and replace it with God’s focus, which has always been the heart—that heart He can turn and make flesh!

Let’s look at the Scriptures that I found that tell us how God changed the hearts of men and even kings:

“He put this in the king’s heart . . .” (Ezra 7:27–28).

“He hardened the hearts of the Egyptians . . .” (Exod. 14:17).

“The Lord hardened Pharaoh’s heart . . .” (Exod. 10:27).

“The Lord turns the heart wherever He wishes . . .” (Prov. 21:1).

This precious gem of God’s will versus man’s will, and God’s desire to turn the heart, was wisdom found in Scripture. A good place to find the wisdom that will change your life and the way you think about everything is found in the book of Proverbs where we learn wisdom. Read Proverbs every day for a daily dose of wisdom that you really need! Proverbs 1:2–7 lists its benefits:

To know wisdom.

To receive instruction.

To receive instruction in wise behavior.

Also instruction in righteousness, justice, and equity.

Prudence to the naive.

To the youth, knowledge.

Those Who Are Unwilling

Not all husbands, sons, or daughters return even after God turns their hearts back home. Many loved-ones, unfortunately, go against their hearts’ desire because their wives or mothers are the same women they chose to leave. Once again, God is more than able to turn any heart back to you; but, if you are still contentious, if kindness is not on your tongue, if you do not exhibit a gentle and quiet spirit, then once that heart turns toward you, the old you will cause the new heart to harden—again. This is when your loved-one makes a mental decision rather than a decision based on their heart!

Make sure you read and reread this book over and over again, AND even more importantly, read and work through A Wise Woman. Make sure you live in the Word. Make sure you spend hours daily with your face toward Him, seeking His face. You must be a new woman for your husband, for your son, for your daughter, or boss, neighbor, friend, sibling—whomever it is that you are at odds with now, so that they will want to follow his or her heart and reconcile with you! Remember, the very reason that your husband may have left you or has gotten caught by an adulteress is that your home was not built on the Rock. It was divided; it was torn down by your words and your attitude—in other words, your contentiousness and/or spiritual arrogance. The same is true for a son or daughter who leaves home prematurely.

A gentle and quiet spirit, and a woman who smiles at the future (no matter what is coming against her) is an irresistible magnet. “Blessed are the humble, for they shall inherit the earth” (Matt. 5:5). This was proven true a thousand times over (since God had so radically changed me) when my husband left the second time. Not only did my new attitude of joy cause my ex-husband to want me even more, but my attitude in the midst of a divorce also created a new and closer relationship between my children and me!

Let’s look at Proverbs and some New Testament Scriptures that teach us about this principle:

Her own hands. “The wise woman builds her house but the foolish tears (or “plucks” in the KJV) it down with her own hands” (Prov. 14:1).

House of the proud. “The Lord will tear down the house of the proud” (Prov. 14:1).

House divided against itself. “Any kingdom or house divided against itself is laid waste: and any city or house divided against itself shall not stand . . .” (Matt. 12:25).

Yet it did not fall. “Therefore, everyone who hears these words of Mine, and acts upon them, may be compared to a wise man, who built his house upon the rock. And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and burst against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded upon the rock” (Matt. 7:24–25). The first time my husband fell into adultery, my house fell—and great was its fall. However, after the Lord transformed me (through years of adversity), and allowed me to rebuild on Him alone (for He is our Rock), when the rains hit again by my husband leaving me, again, for yet another woman, instead of falling my house stood and my life even prospered!!

Built together. “. . . Christ Jesus being the cornerstone, in whom the whole building, being fitted together, is growing into a holy temple in the Lord; in whom you also are being built together into a dwelling of God in the Spirit . . .” (Eph. 2:21).

God has promised to heal, restore, and create praise on your lips! “’Because of the iniquity of his unjust gain I was angry and struck him; I hid My face and was angry, and he went on turning away, in the way of his heart. I have seen his ways, but I will heal him; I will lead him and restore comfort to him and to his mourners, creating the praise of the lips. Peace, peace to him who is far and to him who is near,’ says the Lord, ‘and I will heal him’” (Isa. 57:17–19).

“For perhaps he was for this reason parted from you for a while, that you should have him back forever, no longer as a slave [of sin], but more than a slave, a beloved brother, especially to me, but how much more to you, both in the flesh and in the Lord” (Philem. 1:15–16).

Seek the Lord to break, change, and transform you; first, so that when (not if) God turns your husband’s, son’s, or daughter’s heart, he or she will see a new you—a woman ready to embrace and be restored to! (Please read A Wise Woman or A Wise Man for more help that is available to read online at EncouragingWomen.org and EncouragingMEN.org.) 

Nothing is impossible for God!

The Lord turns the heart wherever He wishes!

Personal commitment: to ask God to help me no longer fear the will of man while He lovely turns the heart of my loved one at the appointed time. “Based on what I have learned in Scripture, I commit to trusting the Lord to turn the heart of my husband, son, daughter, or another loved one. I dispel the lie that man’s free will is more powerful than the will of God, or the lie that God will not intervene on my behalf nor answer my prayers. Instead, I believe that God will turn my loved one’s heart back to me as He transforms and heals me!”