RYR 11 “Time Heals”

When we are at odds with someone we love and long to be close to them again, it often takes much longer than we are prepared to wait. For us, each moment seems like years, and each day a decade! That’s when we foolishly press in to make it right, somehow, but our efforts prove to make our relationship worse, rather than better.

To me a great picture of this is when we have an injury to our body. With the gash, there’s blood, and when the blood dries, it leaves a scab. All of us who are mothers know how difficult it is for our children to leave that scab alone so that it can heal properly. And if it is picked, how it bleeds worse than the initial cut, and with the picking, a scar remains.

This is a perfect picture of how our relationships are: A gash is made in your heart, and in our loved one’s heart through words, misunderstandings, and events that occurred that we desperately want to make right. However, time is really what’s needed for that wound to heal and take its course without our picking at it.

Picking would be all those phone calls, letters, emails, visits, gifts, and pleading, that create more bleeding, which, in turn, has the potential to leave a lifelong scar. There is nothing we can do to help it along faster; time, alone, will heal it. Therefore, if you have already made the mistake of picking at the wound, then you will need to give it even more time to heal—possibly years!

Many years ago, actually it occurred right after I got married, something happened to me that created a gash and rocked our entire family. My oldest brother and his wife were without a bed that would fit their bedroom, so my mother graciously lent them (not gave them) the antique bed that I had stored at her house. I had moved back to Minnesota from California for a year; therefore, what would be the harm, she thought, in lending it to them?

When I returned, I gave them a call to ask when I might get it back. To my shock, my sister-in-law told me that they had SOLD the bed. It wasn’t just that this bed was an antique, but this bed had significant value since it was the bed that my parents had purchased on their honeymoon when they drove from New York to move to California so my dad could work in Hollywood.

My mother was irate and so were the rest of my siblings. Then, the story took an unbelievable turn when my sister happened to walk past their bedroom and saw the bed! It had been refinished, but it had not been sold! That’s when things got really ugly, and no matter how I tried to stop the bitterness, my entire family (there are seven children) turned against this couple. As a Christian, I didn’t really care about the bed, my only concern was for what was eternal, their salvation. Neither my brother nor my sister-in-law were Christians, nor were their chances of finding their Savior favorable. Right after this incident I found out that one of their closest friends was a famous psychic and my brother, a film editor, did all her television commercials for her!

No matter how I tried to smooth things over, this couple (and their four children) distanced themselves from our entire family. To make matters worse, they also possessed most of my father’s entire portrait collection. In the mid-thirties, my father was hired to do portraits of stars for the covers of magazines; stars like Clark Gable, Spencer Tracy, and Katherine Hepburn. As before, this couple had gained possession of them when my parents moved out of their large home (to downsize) and didn’t have the wall space. When it was time to distribute the portraits (that were signed by the stars themselves), this same couple refused to let them go.

Knowing these wounds and scars needed time to heal, it was when father was dying that I knew it was time to contact him. My dad, who suffered from dementia, believed that my retarded sister (who had her hair pulled back) was actually my brother. He had a conversation with her/him (as my sister played along), that proved to be so touching that I thought my brother should know about it. When I called and told him, he said, “I am on my way” (from Oregon to Florida).

My brother came with his wife, and it gave my brother time to tell my dad that he loved him for the first time, and my dad, too, was able to tell him how proud he was of him and how he, too, loved him very much. That night we all went out to dinner, but before we went inside my brother stopped us all abruptly and said he had something to say.

My brother, who hadn’t spoken to me in years, and who had cut himself off from our entire family, told me, while everyone was there to witness it, that because I “never gave up on him” he was able to make amends with his father.

Then my real “test” happened, which resulted in my double blessing! While having pizza the next night, my brother pulled out a tiny photo album and handed it to my mother. My sister-in-law was terrified because he said it had pictures of his Emmy, which just happened to be in a glass case in their bedroom—sure enough the picture also revealed my bed that she swore had been stolen. It was then we realized that my brother was unaware of the entire incident and that it was my sister-in-law who had mastermind the entire thing.

When we began looking at the pictures, she undoubtedly thought that the bed theft would be brought up, but since my mom had by that time become a Christian, neither she nor I brought it up. Passing the test resulted in getting an interesting call from a ministry member who was moving to a penthouse and wanted to know if I could use a huge, and very formal, dining room table, a *china closet, and a buffet.

The miracle happened while my sons were at her home picking it up, when she said she also had a signature four poster bed, two dressers, two bed tables, two crystal lamps, the comforter and linens for this massive king-size bed that she wanted to give me! (Signature means that it has a plate on the side saying how many were made in this series, making it extremely expensive!)

Though having a gorgeous bed was a blessing to be sure, still, my heart was to have that relationship mended in order for me to share Jesus with them. How can you do that when they won’t speak to you?

The finale happened last year when I was traveling to the west coast. I emailed my niece (their daughter) to say I would be in Oregon and would love to visit. She wrote back that she had spoken to her parents and they wanted to know if I could cancel my hotel room and stay with them!!

When my youngest sister (the one who discovered the stolen bed refinished and not sold) took me to the airport, I told her that I was going to be staying with them. She was not happy, but horrified that I would step foot in their home. I told her that not only was I going to stay there, but I was hoping that I would sleep in that bed if given the opportunity!

Just before I went inside the airport, my little sister ran up and with eyes full of tears, said, “Erin, please tell them I said hello.” God was restoring and turning the hearts of everyone involved!!

Sure enough, I did sleep in my bed!! I was honored and blessed because I was welcomed into their home. At dinner I was seated at the head of the table, and my sister-in-law served me delicious hors d'oeuvres that she said she remembered were my favorites!

The biggest surprise was that my great-nephew prayed before the evening meal, asking the Lord to bless me! My niece, her husband, and both her boys are now born-again and are very involved in their church! It won’t be long before my brother and his wife (along with all three of their boys) accept the Lord for themselves!!

When I left from my fabulous visit, I was able to hug my sister-in-law and tell her I loved her. She held me tight for a very long time, and my brother whispered, while we hugged goodbye, not to forget about him!!

Time, though difficult, heals most things. Though we want God to do something now, He wants us to wait and let Him do the healing. It is when we pick at that scab and create a scar, that more time is needed (even if it isn’t you who picks it; it could be your family like it was with mine).

Rather than worry or fret, which the Bible says in Psalm 37 leads to evil doing, take the Psalmist’s advice as I did and simply rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him. Just because it is taking years, it doesn’t mean it won’t happen. And during the wait He may be bringing that loved one to Himself like He did with the first part of this family!!

Psalm 37 of David

Do not fret because of evil men or be envious of those who do wrong;

for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away.

Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this:

He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.

Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil.

For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.

A little while, and the wicked will be no more; though you look for them, they will not be found.

But the meek will inherit the land and enjoy great peace.

*China closet significance: My mom, bless her heart, had also lent (not given) a china closet to my aunt (her half sister), who later disappeared. This china closet was also an heirloom and was given to me instead of the diamond rings that each of my sisters got. So not only did the Lord give me double for the bed that was stolen, He also gave me double, actually triple, for the china closet since it came with the huge table I always wanted (with beautiful claw feet) and a buffet to match!!

“Sister” Testimonies

Hi Erin,

My sister and her family are coming down to Singapore again - they'll be here before I leave, so that I get to spend a few days with them and hopefully I'll be able to see them again when I get back from Russia.

They're only here for 3 weeks, but it's still so great that God brought them all the way from the USA again so that my family can spend time together.

Did I ever tell you that one year, He brought my sister and her baby back from the USA three times, each time for at least a month, and during that year, we became so close, she said she wanted another baby so that her son will be able to enjoy a good sibling relationship just like the one she and I now share? She certainly could not have said that when we were younger—we fought so much then!!

Look at what God can do! So amazing!! 


~ Vivian in Singapore 

When Vivian wrote this to me, I just knew that though this was short (since she couldn’t elaborate on it because she was on her way to Russia), I knew I needed to gather “sister” testimonies. So I asked a friend, then felt led to share a couple of my own!!

In His Time

My older sister (I have 2 older, one younger) stopped speaking to me from 1983 to 1999—16 years, all due to a misunderstanding on her part. Back in 1983 she was going through a custody battle with her ex-husband. In her fear, she distributed her three children out to family members so that when her ex-husband came to visit, he wouldn’t be able to “kidnap” them bringing them back to Wisconsin from California.

Yet, unfortunately, my sister’s fear spilled over to my mother (don’t our fears always do that especially when we share what we should be quiet about it?).  So, when my sister felt safe enough (after talking to her ex-husband) and wanted her children back so he could visit them, my mother beat her to it and took the children herself until he left the state alone! Her daughter, my niece, was staying with me, so when my sister came to get her I had to tell her she was gone and I really didn’t know where she was!

A few years later my sister began speaking again to my mom, but no matter what I tried, I was unsuccessful at reconciling with my sister. Soon the Lord led me to simply let go and stop trying to contact her. At one point I was even able to help her with her baby boy, indirectly. Due to my sister’s stress over her ex-husband’s adultery and her divorcing him, her milk dried up even though she had been a La Leche League leader (this a worldwide breast feeding support group).

My nephew became extremely sick and my mother was very concerned. She asked me to an appointment, and I was able to paid for her to see my pediatrician who was an exceptional doctor. He immediately put her baby in the hospital since he was close to death. My mother thought he had died a week later when she went to visit him and his bed was empty. PRAISE THE LORD, he had actually been released once they found a formula he could tolerate!

Then, when my mother brought her children by one day, the baby who was basically skin and bones, began to cry and his older sister gave him a bottle of water. I told her to fix him a bottle of formula but she said she couldn’t because it was so expensive her mom made sure it would last. That’s when I was able to speak to my ten-year-old niece and asked her to please phone me anytime they were running low, but not to mention the “surprise” to her mom, my sister.

My mom would bring the cases of formula to her house that I would pay for regularly. It took almost a year, but my nephew survived and grew healthy. He is now in the United States Navy! I am not sure if she ever knew it was me who was paying for the doctor visits or the formula, but God knew and in His timing we were reunited.

It was after my father died, and one day my mother felt led to ask my sister why she would never speak to me, to which she shared the story of how I had kidnapped her daughter. My mom spoke up and said, “What? That was me who took the children! Erin never knew anything about it. I just came and took them. She thought I was bringing them to you.”

Though my sister never felt she could apologize, it was the first time I had seen her and I was happy. Our next meeting was when she had to evacuate her home due to a hurricane. During that meeting I found out she had a very small wardrobe, and asked her to “shop” in my closet. She ended up heading home with three large garbage bags of clothes for herself, and two for her youngest son who was the same size as two of my sons!

The amazing thing is that when I went in to look in my closet and drawers I had almost nothing! But having my sister back was all that mattered to me. Yet, it wasn’t even three weeks later that my closet and drawers were filled with new clothes, tags hanging from them that made me want to just jump, shout and dance at the goodness of the Lord who restores everything that the locust has eaten!!

~ Erin

Attempted Murder!

Dear Erin,

There are so many things that happened this year. This may come as a shock to you but my sister and her husband that you stayed with in New York fled on early March because of financial problem that I don't know much about. I believe it's concerning some brokerage deals regarding properties.

They were on the way to Asia, when they stopped in Europe to visit their daughter who lives there. Because of the shame and the pressure of having to leave everything in NY, my bother-in-law tried to kill my sister by strangling her!  He is now in prison in there.

I believe that the Lord has a plan for him to be in prison to bring him back to Him. Though he was once a pastor, wealth has a way of changing a person. Apparently, I heard that he's attending Bible studies there.

I don't know what God's plan for my sister is. She's now in Asia and she's starting a business there and operating her NY office too. She doesn't want to talk to me anymore because I wrote her a strong letter, but with love to get her to change her attitude, but she got upset and doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. I'm just praying for both of them.

Their lives are in His hands.

We go through so many trials and we try to show love and support to those who go through terrible times like our sisters, but at the end you're right we can't influence them to change. It's the work of the Holy Spirit in them and all we can do is pray for them. I know it came as a shock to you what happened, it's unthinkable. I love them both and I'm so sorry for what happened to them. It's the end of a lifestyle that was way beyond my imagination but it's also a life that's without God as the center of all.

They are both born again Christians but lacking the intimacy with the Lord. This may be the wake-up call for both of them They have never lived apart, but there were times when brother-in-law in the past would disappear when the pressure of debt would overwhelm him. My sister was always the one running their business and her husband was just there to sign papers. The danger came because he couldn't take it anymore. He has reached the limit of tolerance. But the problem was he was doing it on his own, trying to solve the problem on his own.

Thank you for sharing your family with us. It makes me feel that I'm not the only one who goes through severe family attacks. But it is well! We put our trust in Him because He's in control of everything and in the end "All things work together for good to them who love God and who are called according to His purpose."

All that it boils down to doing things on our own strength while the Bible says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your path." Prov. 3:5-6

It's a daily struggle against our own flesh but when we surrender our own will, He will step in and guide us to victory.

Blessings,
~ Trudy A Longtime Member

Personal commitment: to allow God to time to heal me. “Based on what I have learned from God’s Word, I commit to allowing God to take as much time as He needs—knowing the time is needed to fully heal me. I will focus my attention on developing my relationship with my Husband rather than on how long it is taking.”