RYR 1 “My Beloved”

My Dear Beloved,

It is not by chance that you are holding this book in your hands; it is by Divine Providence. God has heard your cry for help, as He did mine, and He has come to help you and to bless you. The pages that follow will guide you, as He guided me when others said that many of my relationships were completely hopeless and unable to be made new.

What He asked me to do was not easy, nor will it be easy for you. But if you want a miracle in your life, it can happen. If you want a testimony to share with others on the faithfulness of God, it will happen. If you really want God to restore a relationship that is hopeless, right now, then read on. Only God can restore your relationships, as He did in so many of mine.

The Bible says “the eyes of the Lord move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His” (2 Chron. 16:9). He has been looking for you, to help you. Are you ready?

To complete the race, you will need zealous obedience. You must “enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it. For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it” (Matt. 7:13–14). It is your choice whether to look for and follow His narrow way now or turn back.

This is the time to choose. “I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse. So choose life in order that you may live, you and your descendants, by loving the Lord your God, by obeying His voice, and by holding fast to Him; for this is your life and the length of your days . . .”  (Deut. 30:19–20). Will you choose His blessings by seeking Him?

Whether you need help in your marriage, with your children, your parents, your in-laws, your boss or your siblings—God is about to restore them to you! I pray blessings upon each and every one of you who are seeking the Lord alone for help. I hope that some day we will meet to rejoice together, since so soon there will be no more tears or sorrow in your life.

Dear sweet beloved, God can restore each of the relationships that mean so much to you—you have His Word on it. “And Jesus answered and said to them, ‘Truly I say to you, if you have faith, and do not doubt, you shall not only do what was done . . . but even if you say to this mountain, “Be taken up and cast into the sea,” it shall happen’” (Matt. 21:21).

Since you are reading this book, I must assume that you are in a situation in your life because of one or more of your relationships. Have you left or asked your husband to leave, or has a divorce been spoken of or filed? Has your son or your daughter rejected you, or is he or she no longer on speaking terms with you? Is your relationship with your parents or in-laws beyond hope? No matter what has transpired thus far, you must believe that “all things work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose” (see Rom. 8:28). This is an awesome and powerful promise that you must believe and embrace.

As we surrender our lives, surrender our loved-ones to Him, and then surrender all to His purpose for each relationship, then things will begin to work together for good—I have finally understood that this is the “abundant life” that He died to give you! “I came that they might have life, and might have it abundantly” (John 10:10). As you go through your personal trials, if you really want things to work out for good, you must first love God and really want His purpose for your life—letting go of your plan as your ultimate goal. Do you think you can trust Him?

Right now His purpose is for you to draw closer to the Lord and to take Him as your Best Friend, allowing Him to transform you more closely into His image. And take courage, for God has said, “I will never leave you, nor forsake you” (Heb. 13:5). God has not left your side, no matter how alone you feel, “Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me” (Ps. 23:4 KJV).

I’m sure that the “valley of the shadow of death” describes how you feel about your life right now, but God has allowed this for your good. You must believe this truth and look for every bit of good that is happening, right now, in the midst of your trials.

Only after this trial will you shine forth as gold. “In this you greatly rejoice, even though for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold (which is perishable) even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise, glory and honor” (1 Pet. 1:6–7).

The most important thing for you to do right now is “Be still and know that I am God . . .” (Ps. 46:10). Then follow God’s way. Make sure that everything that you do or say follows the Scriptures; be sure that it follows the Bible consistently. His plan for women, and for our relationships, is laid out in our book A Wise Woman that I strongly encourage that you read and read again. (This and all of our books are available to read on our website for FREE).

And though divorce happens all the time, if your desire is for your husband and marriage, then remember that Jesus Himself said, “A man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. Consequently, they are no longer two but one flesh. What God has joined together let no man separate” (Matt. 19:5–6). Also, “‘I hate divorce,’ says the Lord God of Israel. ‘So take heed to your spirit . . .’” (Mal. 2:16).

It’s the enemy who is interested in destroying every relationship that is important to you. Never forget that “the thief [the enemy] comes to steal, to kill, and destroy; I came [Jesus came] that they [you] might have life, and might have it abundantly” (John 10:10). Don’t believe the enemy’s lie that your situation is hopeless, but “take every thought captive” (2 Cor. 10:5). Instead of believing a lie, believe God and let the truth set you free from all your fears!

Don’t allow the enemy to steal from you. Don’t allow him to destroy your family, your life, and your children or steal your future. Believe me and believe others who can tell you from experience that family problems like you are experiencing are capable of destroying children, but claim this. “A thousand may fall at your side, and ten thousand at your right hand, but it shall not approach you” (Ps. 91:7).

Follow God’s plan for your life, instead of believing a lie and following the world’s ways. Right now, whether you are married or not, this very moment, take Jesus as your Husband: “For your Husband is your Maker . . . ” (Isa. 54:5).

“‘For the mountains may be removed and the hills may shake, but My lovingkindness will not be removed from you, and My covenant of peace will not be shaken,’ says the Lord who has compassion on you” (Isa. 54:10).

Pore over the Bible, letting your Beloved, Jesus, “wash you with the water of the Word” (Eph. 5:26). Pray and believe what Scripture says, not what you see, since “faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen” (Heb. 11:1). “And without faith it is impossible to please God . . .” (Heb. 11:6).

No one but God knows exactly what you are going through or the answers you need right now. If you pray (simply talk to God) and listen to Him (read His Word, the Bible), He can lead you through to the victory that He has waiting for you. Be very careful when choosing to follow what others may say, including those of the world, friends in the church, pastors, or any counselor who tells you something he has heard or read that is not firmly stated in the Word of God. If you are praying and reading God’s Word, God will speak to you first, in your heart or during your Bible reading, then someone will confirm the direction in which He is guiding you, which will be consistent with His Word!

Too many people, even Christians, tell you things that sound good and feel good in the flesh. But if it doesn’t follow Scripture, it is wrong! You will be on sinking sand. “How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked” (Ps. 1:1). When it is of God, it usually sounds crazy (like believing for your marriage when others say “get out” or being truly kind and loving toward your wayward child instead of dealing with them with “tough love”), and it always needs the help of the Holy Spirit to carry it out! Things that are easy to do are wrong and are simply feeding our flesh.

If you are getting bombarded with the opinions of others, it is simply because you are sharing too much. Instead, “Be still and know that I am God . . .” (Ps. 46:10), since “Even a fool, when he keeps silent, is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is considered prudent” (Prov. 17:28). Being prudent will be pivotal for the restoration of your relationship. You must use good judgment, by remaining silent about the details, as you consider the consequences of poor advice and rumors that have the potential of destroying those close feelings you once enjoyed.

Don’t act impulsively or be quick to move. God usually says, “Wait!” Then, many times during the wait, He changes the situation. God said that He is the “Wonderful and Mighty Counselor” (Isa. 9:6). Don’t you want the best? Wouldn’t you want a Counselor who knows the future—One who can actually turn the heart of your loved-one, boss, or whomever you are struggling with? There is only One who can show you the right direction. Trust Him and Him alone! And in regard to marriage counselors or the many books available, here is a sobering thought—there are actually more broken marriages in the church than there are in the world—so don’t follow any Christian, Christian counselor, or pastor who gives the world’s solutions instead of God’s in regard to your marriage or any relationship that you are interested in restoring.

Sadly, Christian counselors destroy too many Christian marriages and family relationships. They encourage you to talk about the past, to say things that should never be said, and to confront the person in the relationship. “Honesty” is often nothing more than cruel statements that are fleeting fleshly feelings that should not be said. Once the counselor listens to what he has encouraged you to say, he or she will tell you that your relationship is hopeless! Counselors are trained to get you to focus on the past instead of looking to the future. Instead, say, as Paul did, the “one thing I’ll do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I [will] press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus” (Phil. 3:12–14).

If anyone has told you that your situation is hopeless, then start to praise the Lord—since hopeless situations are when God shows up; He actually allows these hopeless situations in our lives—so that He can show His powerful love toward us! “With people this is impossible but with God, all things are possible!” (Matt. 19:26).

Work with God. And don’t believe that without the other person’s help or cooperation your relationship can’t be restored and made new! Our ministry was founded by and for those who were the only partner seeking marriage restoration, which is known to be the most hopeless situation, especially when there has been adultery and another woman involved! However, we have proven that there is no impossible situation—our books are filled with hopeless marriages that God restored. What we know and share with all women is that the only thing any woman needs to do is to give her entire heart to the Lord and walk through each day with His unlimited strength. “For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth that He may support those whose heart is completely His . . .” (2 Chron. 16:9).

I have had the privilege of being “counseled” by the Best Counselor, and in this book I will share just some of what He has told me through His Word. No two situations are exactly alike; nevertheless, His Word applies to all situations. “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God” (2 Cor. 1:3–4).

Search His Word after you have prayed to find the answers you need. “Ask and it shall be given to you; seek and you shall find . . .” (Matt. 7:7 KJV) “But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all men generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways” (James 1:5–8).

You must have faith! And where do you get faith? From Him! Ask Him for faith, since “all good things come from above” (James 1:17).

God’s Word, His Principles

Beloved, whether you know the Bible well or you have never read it before, the Bible alone must be your guide to restore your relationship: marriage, wayward child, coworker, neighbor, etc. This book that you are now reading consists of all the verses that the Lord used to guide me through the fires of trial and adversity in each of my restorations.

Since the first relationship that the Lord restored was my marriage, He faithfully guided me through His Word and showed me that I had violated many of the principles in marriage. He also showed me other sins that I was unaware of or had never dealt with (by repenting of them). All of my sins and violations led to the destruction and fall of my marriage. This was true for the relationship with my siblings, my in-laws, and my children. Unless we build our lives on His Word, destruction is imminent and sure to come. “Everyone who hears these words of Mine and does not act on them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. The rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and it fell—and great was its fall” (Matt. 7:26–27).

It is the same with many of you who have found their marriages and other relationships in shambles or those that have been completely destroyed. You will soon find, if you are not aware of it yet, that it is not just your husband (or that other person) who violated God’s principles. You may find, as I did, that you might have done a lot to contribute to the destruction, which is usually done out of ignorance. “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge” (Hos. 4:6). Once you understand and accept this one principle, you will experience the first turning point in your relationship.

The same was true for the other relationships in my life. Without knowing how God thinks, believes, and how He created that particular relationship, it resulted in troubles that led to its destruction. We foolishly built our relationships on sinking sand—and great will be its fall” (Matt. 7:27).

The wisdom that I learned from reading and rereading the verses of Scripture that the Lord led me to, helped me to understand what the Bible really was and that it was what I needed it to be in my life—my ultimate guide. The Bible is filled with the spiritual laws of His creation. When God created the world, He not only made it with physical laws, like the law of gravity, but He created it with spiritual laws as well.

Just as violating the physical law of gravity will result in the consequences of us stumbling or an object falling, so will violating the principles in Scripture regarding each relationship result in that relationship falling.

Another amazing discovery is that the ways of the world are almost always opposite of the ways of God, and His Word. The way you have been dealing with your husband’s adultery, your son’s drinking or drugs, or the daughter who is sleeping around, is more than likely the very same way that anyone in the world would have dealt with them. What you will find, as I did, is that this is the exact opposite of the way that God intended trials to be dealt with in order to bring victory. “ . . . This is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith” (1 John 5:4).

When I began to follow God’s way, which was the opposite of the way everyone else was doing it, then I started to see each of my situations improve. The ways of the world always result in destruction, but the ways of God always bring about healing, restoration, and joy. “For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life” (Gal. 6:8).

In the next chapter, I have put together a quick reference to help you immediately get your relationship out of crisis. These principles, if followed diligently with a sincere and humble heart, will result in an immediate or future restoration—it is guaranteed, not by me, but promised by God in His Word.

The more a woman follows these principles, the more restoration she will see as a direct result of her obedience and faith. Those who stay in crisis, or who never see their relationship restored, are those who refuse to believe and obey the spiritual laws of God or erroneously believe that they are above the laws of God.

If you are one of those who believe strongly that you are not “under the law” and are therefore free to violate God’s laws, “may it never be!” “What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? May it never be!” (Rom. 6:15).

“Do we then nullify the Law through faith? May it never be! On the contrary, we establish the Law” (Rom. 3:31). “May it never be! How shall we who died to sin still live in it?” (Rom. 6:2).

Those who understood the law of gravity learned to rise above it, which resulted in man’s being able to fly. The Christian who studies the Word of God will rise above the world and astonish the unbeliever who will then seek God. Any woman, who believes that she is above the law of gravity and violates that law by jumping out of a plane without a parachute, will fall to her death. It is the same for the Christian, and it is the answer to why so many Christians live lives full of destruction—they believe they are above the law and chose to violate it.

There Is MORE Help!

When women continued to come to us wearied, we were led to create the RMI website to give more help, support, compassion, and guidance to those seeking to restore their relationships and lives.

We would like to invite you to visit RMI. We have received so many awesome praise reports about this area of our ministry, and it is growing by word of mouth. What is even more exciting is that we have seen more relationships restored on a regular basis than we ever thought possible!

We also want to help you find an ePartner, which is an encouragement, prayer, and accountability partner. Women are paired with other women who are going through the same or a similar situation and have a heart to restore their lives. If you would like to join, visit our website at EncouragingWomen.org and EncouragingMEN.org. All of our resources are free to read —and so are our memberships.

We look forward to the opportunity to help you through our website and to pray for you as you post prayer requests. Until then, let me pray for you now . . .

“Dear Lord, please guide this special woman through the crisis in her relationship. And her ears shall hear a word behind her saying, this is the way, walk here, when she turns to her right and when she turns to her left (see Isa. 30:21).

“Please reassure her when she sees a thousand fall on her right side and ten thousand at her left—help her to know that as she follows You, it will not happen to her (see Ps. 91:7). Hide her under your protective wings.

“Help her to find the narrow path that will lead her to life, the abundant life, you have for her and for her family. Lord, I pray for a testimony that you can use for Your glory when this restoration is complete! We give You all the honor and the glory through it all. Amen.”

Personal commitment: to believe that God can do the impossible. “Based on what I have learned from God’s Word, I commit to allowing God to do the impossible without complaining how long the journey takes or how many valleys He guides me through. I will focus my all attention on Him and His Word—His promises to me.”