“I Got Swept Up in Motherhood”- Adina’s RJN-Chapter 8

After two years of marriage and maybe a bit of pressure from my mother-in-law, we decided to start a family. I stopped using birth control, and within two months, I fell pregnant. We were so excited; it felt so surreal. I never thought I would one day become a mother.

I must admit that I was hesitant to become pregnant. I was scared that I would turn out like my mother. After the blood tests confirmed that I was pregnant, I felt uneasy. I had all these doubts deep inside: will I be able to be a good mother, do I really want to be a mom or am I doing it to please others, am I ready to be a mom, how will this affect my life and will we be financially able to raise children? The doubts lasted about two months into my pregnancy, but slowly I started to accept the fact that I was pregnant, and I was determined that I would not be the same as my mother.

Kevin went with me to each appointment; he made a point to always be there with me, even if he had to take off from work for an hour or two. At about 12 weeks, the ob-gyn told us that it looked like a girl and confirmed it at 16 weeks. We were both very excited. Kevin's dad always wanted a granddaughter since he never had a daughter; he only had two sons, Kevin and his brother Ray. Deep inside, Kevin and I were both a bit sad that his dad and my parents had passed away and would not be there to see their first grandchild. 

During my first trimester, I didn't really struggle with morning sickness; certain smells did not sit well with me, and I struggled to eat certain foods, but I actually felt pretty good throughout my first and second trimesters. I gained a lot of weight because I suddenly wanted to bake, and I baked cakes and tarts almost every weekend. I still went to the gym and exercised during my pregnancy with only a few adjustments. I also continued to work shifts; there was no opportunity for me to work normal hours, so I had to push through; we needed the money after all.

During the last part of my second trimester, my blood pressure started to rise. The ob-gyn was worried and placed me on medication to keep my blood thin. He was also worried about my weight, but even though I tried to eat better, my weight just climbed. I was very bloated and had to wear wider shoes because my feet were so swollen. My blood pressure kept rising.

Kevin and I went to prenatal classes together, where we were prepared for a normal birth, but ultimately, we did not have a choice. During one of my routine checkups in my third trimester, they picked up blood in my urine, and I was immediately admitted to the hospital in order for them to monitor the baby and me. I was told a natural birth would be too risky, so the ob-gyn booked a c-section for the expected due date. I was released from the hospital after three days with instructions to take it easy until our baby girl's arrival. 

When I went for my last appointment before my date, the blood count in my urine test was too high, and the c-section was moved forward two weeks. We went home and had to be at the hospital early the next day for the c-section.

It was a bit scary, but Kevin was there the whole time, holding me upright and straight while they injected the epidural and also during the procedure. Our beautiful baby girl was born; despite all the difficulties—it was a wonderful experience for both of us. During the three days my daughter and I were in the hospital, Kevin was there the whole time.

After we got home, I was on four months of maternity leave. It was a difficult and beautiful time adjusting to parenthood. Kevin went back to work after a week. In South Africa, dads only get three days of paternity leave, but Kevin took two days extra.

As I got swept up in motherhood and life with a newborn, I’m thankful Kevin was supportive and understanding. But as my maternity leave came to an end, we had to make a decision regarding work and shifts. Because our shifts were eight hours each, for a total of 16 hours per day, we decided to work opposite shifts. Our daughter, Elaine, had to go to daycare during the day when one of us worked (normally the other one was then on nightshift and had to sleep), but we wanted her to be at home during the evenings and at night. We did not want her to have to sleep at somebody else's house when we had to work, and since my mother-in-law stayed in a different town, she couldn't help us. It was only supposed to be an interim solution, but after two years, it started to take its toll on our relationship because we didn’t see each other, we were like ships passing in the night.