Get up!

“Lord, you’re so kind and tender-hearted and so patient with people who fail you! Your love is like a flooding river overflowing its banks with kindness”. Psalms 103:8

Dear brides, just by reading this lesson I can see the Lord working deeply in me. E.H. used to be my idol, but the thing that mostly was most triggered the pain in me was the disappointment related to how much E.H. changed, he became completely different from what he used to be. Even my mom also cannot believe how much he changed! I had such love and trust in E.H. My expectations of him were above the Lord. He was first in my heart. I thought that he would never disappoint me, or lie to me, or that any crisis would ever happen in our marriage. I had a wrong image of what my husband represented. Definitely, I could not see man clearly. (The man looked around. “Yes,” he said, “I see people, but I can’t see them very clearly. They look like trees walking around.” Then Jesus placed his hands on the man’s eyes again, and his eyes were opened. His sight was completely restored, and he could see everything clearly Mark 8:24-25 NLT

Sometimes we put people in positions that are only for God so when they disappoint us like it was for me it was much harder for me to get over that because he held so much power in my life and he was the closest person to me like a said he was my god. And he doesn’t belong there, yes as a husband he should have been close but where I placed him was above the Lord.  The only persons that can let us down are the ones we rely very heavily upon. And I needed to go in a very deep direction with the Holy Spirit allowing Him to do the hard work in my heart on helping me shift this. So, I can get my priorities straight.

The fact that he changed so much, was working like a shock, and hurt. I have got E.H still at home even though he filed for divorce, almost a year ago my journey was with him at home he never left, I get to see the things that he does, and the attacks and hurts and hill treatments are often, but thankfully my Beloved has helped me to let go, and it doesn’t hurt so much as it used, glory to Him! But there was one thing that he does that, I struggled very much to let go of, it was one of the worst I have experienced till now, and it was painful and very hard to get over it and forgive. It is amazing that by doing this lesson God also worked on that and it doesn’t bother me so much anymore, Glory to Him again!

 I looked to E.H. and thought that He would never let me down I didn’t realize or believed like the author said that my source (E.H.) would eventually dry up.

Psalms 102:26-27 says this of the Lord when comparing Him to the heavens and earth that He created “They will perish, but you remain; they will all wear out like a garment.

Like clothing, you will change them, and they will be discarded. But you remain the same and your years will never end. This verse really ministered to my heart the Lord is the source that never changes or vanishes he will remain the same forever. People change, and people disappoint us, they are just human, they don’t have it. But not the Lord, the Lord remains the same.

Restoration

When the author said “You may not want to restore your marriage because of the hurts that you have. And you haven’t let those hurts go. I struggled a lot with this, I understood that God wants to restore, but I did not want to accept it or wanted to believe in it because of the hurts, and I thought that hoping in God for restoration would shift my focus from the Lord to restoration/E.H  and that meant to me not letting go, and  I wanted so badly to let go in order to protect myself of the pain. By wanting to protect me and wanting to accomplish letting go on my own, I was fighting God’s will which was to trust Him with everything (The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever… (Psalms 138:8). Is all about trusting He said that He is the God of the impossible and He is mighty to save but I felt so hurt and did not want to stay in pain again, which I wouldn’t because the Lord promised that he would heal me but I was not trusting in Him and on the healing power of his word.

Testimony

God often speaks to me through dreams and today morning he gave me a dream that was a revelation for me before He did it, he showed me a bible passage in Zechariah 12 that helped me to understand the dream (“And I will pour out on the house of David and the inhabitants of Jerusalem a spirit of grace and pleas for mercy, so that, when they look on me, on him whom they have pierced, they shall mourn for him (The Lord), as one mourn for an only child, and weep bitterly over him, as one weep over a firstborn Zechariah 12:10)

Through Zechariah God was encouraging the people of Israel to rebuild the temple and he was telling them that he would save them so that they can even rejoice. That it would not be by mighty or power but by His spirit. And he repeated that throughout the book, just like he did with me through various passages.

But the fear of the pain was causing trouble for them to believe and trust.

And in that dream, I was stubbing the Holy Spirit in the heart with a knife, I was piercing the Lord’s heart it was horrible. He was showing me that when I do not Trust in the Lord, is like I am piercing His heart.

When I understood the dream, I had to repent for not trusting in Him, he was showing me the condition of my heart, and I also understood that holding fast to the pain, and not to the Lord, meant that I was choosing the pain instead of Him. That fear of pain and suffering was actually separating me from Him. (And Jesus said to them, “I assure you and most solemnly say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink His blood [unless you believe in Me as Savior and believe in the saving power of My blood which will be shed for you], you do not have life in yourselves.). John 6:53

Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will not see life, for God’s wrath remains on them. John 3:36 NIV

He is worthy of our trust He will deliver us.  His love and compassion are so great, it puts me at rest and when I have experienced so much compassion and patience from Him even though I failed Him, by being contentious, prideful, and behaving like people of the world, it motivates me to also show compassion, but is not even me doing it, when I do it. It is His Love. ALL GLORY TO HIM! His love changes everything and can do anything and also allow me to have a new focus and leave all the disappointments behind. Because as the author said, I never thought that E.H would do such things but here I am, what can I do now, I could live and focus on the hurt and disappointment of living stuck in the pain, but that is not our destiny,  and it would hinder my moving forward with the Lord, and he wants to take us to another level in faith, we can’t walk away now, we have to turn this place up! We can trust God to do the impossible! So, Get up!