aLIVE 🎧 LL77 “Bitter or Better“

This living lesson is one I'm hoping to learn more myself. And it's one of the reasons I've just thought about it and realized, wow, I would really like to have a living lesson to help us understand this powerful lesson. 

Interestingly, my Husband and I have been talking about it all the time. I'm the one who probably brings it up or maybe He's bringing it up, and He pointed out something quite interesting. Two people can go through the same thing or face the same situation, a very unfortunate situation, and often something that is terribly unfair. Yet one will come out of the experience bitter, while the other one will become better, a better person. 

So this is my living lesson: “Bitter or Better.” How will what happens to you affect you? 

Now, in thinking about it, it was just this morning that I've been pondering this, actually mulling it over for more than a week, every day, all day. Then it was just this week that I realized, actually, maybe just today, that the women who have come to RMI, who had marriage issues and came here very bitter, angry, some never get over it, and there isn't anything that we can do.

It just means that from what we've witnessed and watched what He's done in our lives and also in the lives of the other women, in order to be set free from bitterness, it means more brokenness. Not until you're at the end of yourself can bitterness be uprooted, and then you become better. And many times, it’s accomplished through a lot of tears.

Getting to the very end of yourself, when you simply can't do anymore. 

As I was thinking about it, my Husband reminded me that I come from a large family. Not only did I have seven children, so did my mother and father have seven children. My mother, I should say, had seven children. People always used to say to me, “Are all those really yours?” “Yes. I had seven children. My mother also had seven children” to honor her and in gratitude. 

The only difference is that she had four girls and three boys while I had four boys and three girls. I am number six. May I also say I have always loved children, always wanted a big family, and because of that, and knowing I wanted it from a young age, I constantly was watching and learning. Not just watching my own mother and how she raised us. But because I was one of the youngest, I  was able to see each one of my older siblings who got married and had children. I watched what they did, and what produced fruits I also wanted to produce in my family. And what didn't. 

Now I didn't think of it as fruits at that time. I'm thinking of it now. But what I liked about each family and I decided, “Oh I want that.” But also what I didn't like about this one, knowing I didn't want that. And so I was mentally taking notes. 

Years later, as a grandmother, stepping back in a way I was looking for the good and extracting the good from things I witnessed or experienced. 

Now, coming to bitter or better. I remember being surprised that some of the things that I did not take offense to while I was growing up in the same family, with the same parents and with the same siblings, I never became bitter over but most of my siblings took great offense and some were extremely bitter. Sadly, lots of my siblings didn't come away the same way as I did, even though we had experienced the same, very same situation.

One was left bitter, and I could tell they were bitter because of the way they talked about it—very often talking against my mother and/or my father. And in those kinds of situations, it’s easy to get pulled into saying something when somebody's talking about it, but being pulled in is dangerous. 

“Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, that your days may be prolonged and that it may go well with you on the land which the Lord your God gives you.” Deuteronomy 5:16

For the most part, I'm always astonished by how they could have held onto those feelings about something that happened years ago. And, trust me, it wasn't because I was mature. I really had no idea or could understand why it was like that. Why are adults still bitter, and why do some come out better because of what they went through? 

Now, one of the things I came to just thinking about the “I” and bitter and the “E” in better. So I'm just going to do my best to lay this out here.

It sounds pretty good. The “I” in bitter is what they are thinking about. “I” it’s all about me and how it is affecting me. 

The E is more about everyone else. What He said is that we are to consider others more than ourselves.

What does He want from it? Why did He allow it? What good does He want us to extract from it? That's the better, the better person. 

Hanging onto things from our past, things that were unfair as a child, or even as recent as your failed marriage or relationship with a friend that ended badly. If we are focused on self-centeredness, we miss: 

What does He want us to take from this? 

How does He want us to come through this? 

What does He want to show us? 

As believers, we’ve all witnessed hugely successful people who have prospered, even though they've been knocked down over and over and over again. 

Why don't they become bitter?

Why are they better from it?  

It is a secret He’s helping us to unlock. It's something that I want to have more wisdom on, which I don’t possess fully just yet. Regardless, I just thought it was interesting and decided I'm going to lay it out there and encourage you to think about it and bring it up to your Husband and ask Him because there could be hidden things, you know, “the heart is deceitfully wicked and who can know it.”

Only God can, right? 

Who knows? 

God knows. 

So, bringing this question to Him and saying, “Is there any bitterness in me? Do I have bitterness about anything with my parents, any of my siblings, or anybody in my past that I may not have forgiven?

Bitterness is at the root of unforgiveness, not forgiving others and realizing later sometimes it wasn't even intentional. Their intent wasn't what we thought. The hurt or insult done to us was accidental; we were just too close, so we also got hurt.

Sometimes, I realized that, with a few of my siblings who haven't forgiven me for something they realized years later had nothing to do with me. I wasn't even the one who had done this great horrible deed they held onto for years. Yet, because they held on to this hurt and failed to forgive, they suffered for it. I wasn't the one suffering. And that's the thing with somebody who's done something to you.

The ones who hurt you rarely suffer. You're the one suffering. And I think there's another living lesson right there. Stop and speak to your Husband, and find out what you're bitter about. If you are, in fact, bitter about anything, whether it's from a lack of forgiveness or not, ask God to forgive and yield to it.

What’s important for you to live an abundant life is to come out of every situation better because it happened, looking for the good in everything because He said all things work together for good if those people love God and are called according to His purpose.

And what is His purpose for everything? It is for us to come out better, to have it be used for good, to have it used for a testimony. That's a huge reason that we need to come out of every situation better and not bitter. 

So I hope that you will take this living lesson to Him, then comment, share your praise, post a band new praise, and let's all share about this bitter or better because I think in today's world, like never before, people are bitter, angry, and worse, miserable.

And it is taking a toll on their health, on your health if you’ve become bitter rather than better: your emotional health, mental health, and physical health. It takes a toll on everything. So, once again, thanks for listening, and be encouraged.