RYR 7 “My Wonderful Counselor”

“Help! My underaged son (or daughter) has moved out and is living in a dangerous situation; the only thing that I can do is call the police.” 

“Can someone help me? My husband has filed for divorce; what should I do? Do you know a good attorney who can defend me? I need to protect myself, my assets, and especially my children?

People who know about your situation with your husband may have been advising you to get “a good Christian attorney” to protect you, your assets, and your children if you are facing divorce. They may tell you that a good attorney is your child’s (and your) only hope.

This is also true for situations with your wayward son or daughter who could be “set-straight” by using the law or litigation to restrain them to do what is right.

This advice often comes from a Christian friend, a counselor, or even your pastor. Though this may be the way most Christians deal with issues like this, the Bible tells us something totally different, did you know that? I found out what Scripture says when my husband was divorcing me (the first time) because like every other crisis, I knew that what most people did, even Christians, was contrary to the Word of God and I wanted no part in additional destruction by responding incorrectly. Just like you, I got the same advice from other well-meaning Christians—but praise God this is what helped me to find “My Wonderful Counselor”! I hope that this chapter will help you to find our Wonderful Counselor who is free, knows what is really going on, and will guide and advise you just as He did for me.

This chapter is what I found in my Bible when I was searching for what God had to say on the subject of litigation. I found clearly in His Word that He had promised to protect and defend me when I did things His way and not the world’s way! So I chose Him to defend and protect me by doing exactly what His Word told me to do—with a humble and loving heart. God was not only faithful, but also mightier than any attorney or court could be because I put my trust in Him alone!

Whether the litigation that you face is in the form of divorce or any other numerous legal means (even child custody), His way will work because it is God who is in control when you put your trust in Him alone. The principles that I am sharing with you I have shared with countless other women. Each of them found that following these principles found peace where there once was war when they applied them— first, peace in their hearts, and then peace in their situation.

Though this chapter primarily discusses what God says concerning divorce, almost all the verses apply to any and all relationships when the Christian is tempted to try to protect themselves, make something happen, or get what they believe they deserve by going to court. Many Christians claim that God created the courts, and lawyers or attorneys, for our protection; however, as you will see this is not God’s plan and that He has an entirely different opinion. Once again, when you choose attorneys and the court system, rather than trusting in God, you will find yourself on sinking sand. Anytime we choose the way that the world, as opposed to what is truly God’s plan for His children, we find ourselves in misery.

Who has known the mind of the Lord? “Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and unfathomable His ways! For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who became His counselor?” (Rom. 11:33–34). Speak to the Lord about what concerns you. Then sit quietly and hear from Him about each and everything that is coming against you so He can lead you to what you should do.

Woe to the rebellious. In the Bible Egypt represents the world and the ways of the world. “‘Woe to the rebellious children,’ declares the Lord, ‘who execute a plan, but not Mine, and make an alliance, but not of My Spirit, in order to add sin to sin; who proceed down to Egypt, without consulting Me, to take refuge in the safety of Pharaoh, and to seek shelter in the shadow of Egypt!’” (Isa. 30:1–2).

Have you sought protection in the court system? Do you trust your attorney or counselor more than you trust your Lord? “. . . Cursed is the man who trusts in mankind and makes flesh his strength.” Trusting in others to help or protect you will result in your heart turning “away from the LORD” (Read Jer. 17:5) and His protection, which is the only true protection anyone can ever have.

It shall not approach you. “And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also” (Matt. 5:38–48). Normally in the case of divorce, women worry that their husbands won’t take care of them and that they’ll take too much of what they (and their children) deserve. When you choose to act like your husband’s your enemy and fight, he’ll fight back. Hasn’t he in the past?

Instead, walk out the most powerful principles in Scripture when Jesus, Himself, taught us, “But I say to you, do not resist him who is evil; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if anyone wants to sue you, and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. And whoever shall force you to go one mile, go with him two” (Matt. 5:39-41). And then Peter when on to teach us it again when he said, “To sum up, let all be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil, or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing” (1 Pet. 3:8).

Ask God for ways that you may bless your husband, or your wayward son or daughter. This is not foolishness, but it is God’s way of blessing you!

So many people love to share “horror stories” about women who have lost everything in a divorce to frighten you into getting a good lawyer. The same people love to tell you the ruin of a son or daughter. Just remember, “A thousand may fall at your side, and ten thousand at your right hand, but it shall not approach you” (Ps. 91:7). Instead, “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Rom. 12:21).

If you trust God to help you, then prove it by releasing your attorney. Trusting God alone to deliver and protect you is the only way to find peace and receive His promises. Any horror stories you hear stem and originate in those people who did not trust God alone, and/or did not follow His principles. Unless you are willing to let go of what you have and have the protection of others instead of trusting in God alone, then you, too, will experience defeat instead of a blessing!

Dare go before the unrighteous versus saints? “Does any one of you, when he has a case against his neighbor, dare to go to law before the unrighteous, and not before the saints?” (1 Cor. 6:1). This is a very firm Scripture. Would we dare God? If you merely show up in court, you are standing “before the unrighteous.”

In most legal courts you do not violate the law if you don’t show up in court if you are served with divorce papers—you merely lose your case by default. Some make you sign a waiver that you will not appear, and in some courts you neither have to sign the papers nor show up in court.

Seek the Lord, then check thoroughly what is required. Don’t just take one person’s word for it if they tell you that you “have to” do anything. I took this verse literally, the first time my husband divorced me, when I was served my divorce papers. I didn’t sign the papers, nor did I show up for the hearing—and God delivered me! Had I gone to an attorney or shown up in court, I would not have seen the mighty deliverance of the hand of God!

The second time the Lord had me trust Him further by signing the divorce papers which included agreeing to joint custody without any child support (six children lived at home), taking all our family’s and ministry’s debt, and giving my husband half of the equity of our home (he wanted it all but his attorney said the judge would not agree even if I did sign the papers and agree). The Lord blessed my life and the lives of my children. We did not go under and lose our house (though others, including my husband told me we would), but instead we began living an even greater lifestyle so that God, alone, would be glorified and proven true!!

All I did was to trust Him by not resisting the evil and then seeking Him for the blessing I was needed to give by turning the other cheek, walking the second mile, and giving my coat (my protection), when I was sued for my shirt.

These principles are totally ignored by most Christians who fight in court just like the world does. Even if they do their best to not fight, you will see that they all short of the blessings that they would have inherited had they simple chosen to bless their enemy.

In instances when parents chose to use the tough love approach with a son or daughter, taking it as far as to call the police and even have their child thrown in jail—the results were sickening. In our church, about three years ago, they showed a testimony video of parents who called the police on their son (in a reenactment) who began coming to church soon thereafter. When I watched it I wanted to cry, but it did make me question if I was right about not using tough love; maybe I was wrong.

It took about two years to find that the tough love approach was only a temporary fix when we heard that this young man had gone back to his old lifestyle, and it was even worse than before. All of his friends, and the pastors hoped that talking with him and reasoning with him would turn him back. Then the most horrible tragedy happen; my son called me to tell me that he had died. In his backslidden condition they found him dead one morning. His mother came in to wake him up since he was sleeping so late, only to find him cold.

My blood ran cold that day I heard. I know that the Lord allowed me to hear this tragedy so that I could boldly share the truth of tough love with everyone who reads my books. It does not work! It is not scriptural. The only persons that Jesus was harsh with were the Pharisees!! He was ridiculed and mocked by the religious leaders of his time for eating and fraternizing with sinners—remember? But it was the power of loving the unlovable that broke the chains of sin that had the greatest sinners bound, like Mary Magdalene and tax-gatherers like Zacchaeus. Why do we listen to other Christians rather than following the Lord and His example?

How God Feels about the Court System

We shall judge angels. “Or do you not know that the saints will judge the world? And if the world is judged by you, are you not competent to constitute the smallest law courts? Do you not know that we shall judge angels? How much more, matters of this life?” (1 Cor. 6:2–3). In these verses God is mocking us, showing us how petty and insignificant the matters of this world are in comparison to our life with Him and our trust in Him alone.

Matters of this life. “If then you have law courts dealing with matters of this life, do you appoint them as judges who are of no account in the church?” (1 Cor. 6:4). Most courts systems do not follow biblical teachings; as a result, we have rulings and burdens placed upon believers that neither God (nor America’s Founding Fathers had in mind). If you choose the courts to help you, you will choose their judgment over God’s protection and provisions.

Before unbelievers. “I say this to your shame. Is it so, that there is not among you one wise man who will be able to decide between his brethren, but brother goes to law with brother, and that before unbelievers?” (1 Cor. 6:5). When the church began to ignore the biblical teachings, they also began to ignore the church’s correction. This is true in regard to church discipline when there is sin in the member’s life.

I have never heard of a man who turned from his sin of adultery after being confronted by the church. The same holds true for parents who used the church to deal with their son or daughter. In many cases the husband, son, or daughter temporarily changed, but in all the case that I am aware of, the person returned to their sinful ways!

The worst situation I heard turned to tragedy when parents used the church and the law (by calling the police) to deal with their son. His testimony made me wonder if tough love did work after all. It wasn’t until my son told me that he had again fallen away and died that God once again proved His ways are the only way.

Please don’t ask your pastor to talk to your husband or send a youth leader to reason with your son or daughter. Instead, allow God to turn and soften the heart of the person you love. In addition, asking your pastor or anyone else to speak to your husband, son or daughter will most often result in his or her heart being hardened toward you for setting the meeting up. Just remember, it is his or her heart that matters.

Rather be wronged or defrauded. “Actually, then, it is already a defeat for you, that you have lawsuits with one another. Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be defrauded? On the contrary, you yourselves wrong and defraud, and that your brethren” (1 Cor. 6:7–8). God says it is better that you are wronged and defrauded (cheated or tricked) then to try to get help by the courts. The good news is that each and every time that you taken advantage of, instead of getting what you deserve, you will receive double!! “Instead of your shame you will have a double portion, And instead of humiliation they will shout for joy over their portion Therefore they will possess a double portion in their land, Everlasting joy will be theirs” (Isa. 61:7).

Most women that I speak to who are in the process of divorcing are so caught up in what they’ll get, how much money for support, and how many possessions. If you don’t allow yourself to be wronged, your husband will end up angry and bitter, and worse, you will miss God’s blessing and His provisions. If you don’t allow yourself to be backed up to the Red Sea, you will never see God’s power of deliverance! Remember that the “cares and riches of the world will choke the Word!” (Matt. 13:22).

Yet when you seek first, and only, His kingdom and His righteousness for your situation, all these things, will be added to you! The second time my husband divorced me, because of my increase in faith, I didn’t question or fight when my husband refused to lend financial support for our six children still living at home. The reason I didn’t flinch is because I knew my husband’s resources are limited, whereas God’s is UNLIMITED! This trust in God has meant greater blessings for us, and greater glory for my Lord!

We are told that Demas left Paul because the “cares of the world choked the Word from him.” The following verse tells us how . . .  “And the one on whom seed was sown among the thorns, this is the man who hears the word, and the worry of the world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word, and it becomes unfruitful” (Matt. 13:22). Scripture says specifically says that Demas walked away from the call on his life because of “worry” and because of “riches.” Don’t worry about or get caught up with money or possessions. It’s easy when Jesus is all you want and all that you need!!

Do you believe that “my God shall supply all your needs,” even when your divorce papers say that your husband doesn’t have to pay enough child support (or any at all as it was in my case) or when it doesn’t “look” like there will be enough money for you and your children to survive? Many have fallen from their faith and missed the call they had on their life (and even their children’s lives) because the Word was choked out.

My divorce papers the first time stated that I wouldn’t get nearly enough money to support my four small children and myself at the time. But God softened my husband’s heart because I trusted the Lord. I didn’t even need to ask for more or tell him my plight. God placed in my husband’s heart the desire to pay all of our bills until he came home!

Then, because God wanted a greater glory, He refined me to the point that I could trust Him even more since He wanted my testimony to encourage other women. My financial situation looked completely hopeless because my entire ministry had been founded on my restored marriage.

When my husband divorced me, it seemed inevitable that my ministry (and our family’s only means of income) would be destroyed. This would mean that we would lose our home, in addition to our reputation in our community and in our church.

However, when you and I put our entire trust in our Heavenly Husband, and care more about Him than anything else (He is all that we want and all that we need), then all these things will be added unto us!

Our family and ministry did not go under, instead it but prospered as we gave more than what was asked because we did not fear what man or the courts could potentially do to us.

A defeat for you. “Actually, then it is already a defeat for you, that you should have lawsuits with one another. Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be defrauded?” (1 Cor. 6:7). This is your answer: if you go into court with your husband or in regard to your children, it is already a defeat for you. You may get the money or the possessions or custody, but you will lose what God intended to bless you with— you will lose the inherited blessings of the Lord!

The greatest fear you may be facing has nothing at all to do with possessions or money, but are in fact a large piece of your heart—custody of your children. I knew that this time the Lord would call me to face this crisis in my life in order to be able to fully understand how the women I minister to feel, and also to prove God faithful to His Word and principles.

Without going into lots of details, rather than resisting, or getting an attorney (which by the way never once entered my mind), as I trusted the Lord, and blessed my enemy, I saw the Lord do the impossible! My children are all now living with me, and the more that their dad pursues them (and the things of the world), the more their hearts are turning to the Lord to be their Father.

No one will see the Lord. “Pursue peace with all men, and sanctification without which no one will see the Lord” (Heb. 12:14–15). If you wish to act as Christ acted (Jesus was totally innocent) remember that He “opened not His mouth in defense,” (1 Pet. 2:23). God can begin to work in every life that is around you because you are planting seeds of life by your trust and obedience, and no longer giving the enemy fuel for destruction.

Do you want our others to see Your Beloved in you? We quench the work of the Holy Spirit when we do the things we “want to” instead of what we “ought to.” Do it God’s way! It’s powerful, and besides that it brings about not just peace, but joy!!

Put away. “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away with all malice” (Eph. 4:31). If you have a lawyer, slander and wrath will always take place. This is what divorce and litigation is all about. You must put this all away from you. It doesn’t matter if you have a “Christian” attorney or not—all “deliverance by man is in vain,” it says so in Psalm 108:13.

Deliverance by man is in vain. “O, give us help against the adversary, for deliverance by man is in vain” (Ps. 108:12–13). I have heard countless accounts of all the ways that people try to deliver themselves, only to find that even though the judge executes a judgment of a certain amount of money or a means of protection, the courts can’t make anyone pay nor can they protect you from vengeance or even physical harm!

There has been much media attention given to those who don’t pay child support. You have heard stories about men who come after their wives for physical revenge—and law enforcement can’t help them! Allow God to turn your husband’s heart (Prov. 21:1). Your husband doesn’t need stricter penalties, but a heart for you and your children. You have His promise: “When a man’s ways [your ways] are pleasing to the Lord, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him” (Prov. 16:7).

And in the area of child custody, who hasn’t seen the faces of children on milk cartons and fliers of parental abduction? How foolish to fight when the wisest man, Solomon, proved who the real mother was when he said to cut the child apart whom they were fighting over saying the child was theirs? The real mother was willing to give the child to the one who was lying in order that her child was not destroyed.

This is what recently happened when my ex-husband told me he was going to take custody of my children in an email I received on “what would have been” my 25^th wedding anniversary. In the email he told me my children needed a father and “a mother” (what he and his new wife would be when he married his high school sweetheart he left me for), so he was going to take custody of our three youngest children after the wedding. To which I enthusiastically agreed since all I wanted and all I needed was the Lord; therefore, I would simply trust Him and not resist the evil. I also went the extra mile and asked my children to trust the Lord and put their decision of where they wanted to live on God’s altar.

The opposite of what should or could have happened was the result—my children (for the first time) opened up and shared their heart about the situation and told their father that they did not want to live with their father, nor were they comfortable with him and his soon-to-be wife. Even though my youngest chose to live half a year with her father and half with me (who was naïve to all that was happening since I never voiced any objection to anything that her father did or about the other woman), she remained living with me.

Yet I knew, even then, that the Lord loves to take us from glory to glory. I knew that child custody and many of the other evils that are part of divorce would continue to rage. About six months later it appeared that my youngest would live with her father. Once again, I did not resist but encouraged her to go. There were times of complete panic that tried to come over me, but I simply had to continue to trust the Lord and remember that every thing that comes against any of us is ultimately God’s way of blessing us when the dust has settled—which results in double what we lost!

After several months my daughter was again home, and after a few weeks was again herself and even better than prior to her leaving. Today we have a closer relationship and she has a testimony that she can share with others as she grows.

“Instead of your shame you will have a double portion, and instead of humiliation they will shout for joy over their portion Therefore they will possess a double portion in their land, Everlasting joy will be theirs” (Isa. 61:7).

Take refuge in the Lord. “It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man” (Ps. 118:8). A lawyer or counselor is no substitute for the protection and prosperity that the Lord can give. Can a Christian have both a lawyer and God’s protection, or are they actually in opposition to one another? Here is your answer; the Bible says, “Cursed is the man who trusts in mankind and makes flesh his strength. Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and whose trust is the Lord” (Jer. 17:5–8).

We have found in the area of divorce that you can either be blessed or cursed by trusting God or what you and an attorney can do. You must ultimately decide. I realized early in the area of divorce that I really would lose if I tried to fight against my husband, which ultimately would also destroy my relationship with the Lord since He clearly says not to fight AND to give more than is asked for. So I chose to put all my trust in the Lord and bless my enemy— the result was more than I could have imagined!!

Cease striving. “Cease striving and know that I am God” (Ps. 46: 8–10). Put each dilemma in God’s hands. Stop wringing your hands or worrying about it; and please don’t discuss it with everyone since you are only making it harder on yourself when everyone wants to give you advice about what to do. Just be still! If your husband has already begun divorce proceedings, and you have already humbled yourself by dismissing your attorney and have decided to trust the Lord, then follow these steps:

Called us to peace. Tell your husband that you no longer want the divorce (if you were part of it initially), and that you certainly don’t “blame him” for wanting to divorce you. That you never would want to stand in the way of his happiness (Ps. 1:1) and that you, of course, will not contest or try to stop or prolong the divorce either.

Next, go the extra mile by offering to sign the papers (if this is something he has asked you to do, then pray and ask the Lord for how He wants you to bless him). Finally, thank him for everything with a smile on your face and then just be still and quiet. “Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave . . . but God has called us to peace” (2 Cor. 7:15).

Sweetness of speech. When matters of child support or alimony comes up, kindly tell your husband that you trust him and know from his past that he will be more than fair, and that you know that he will do what he believes is right for you and your children. The only way to win the war that is raging against your marriage is with kindness and refusing to fight! “Sweetness of speech adds persuasiveness” (Prov. 6:24). Again, be sure that if you have a lawyer, tell your husband that you will dismiss him or her.

If your husband chooses to pay you nothing for support, then you are the most blessed. This means that God has turned his heart away (or even hardened his heart as He did with Pharaoh) so the He can bless you as His bride as He has done so graciously with me! God only shows up at the Red Sea to part it when the enemy has backed you into it with no way of escape. As believers, instead of panicking this is when our faith and trust in the Lord rises up and takes center stage for our enemies to witness God’s deliverance and His glory!

After two years I have found countless blessings in not receiving child support—the most exciting is that I can bless my children radically and my ex-husband has nothing to say about it. Here is the truth, if your financial welfare is tied to your ex-husband than you are his slave, you are not the head, but the tail. If he chooses to be late, then you will be forced to take him to court. If the cost of living goes up, or your child needs something beyond what you feel you can “afford” you need to appeal to a man who no longer cares for you, and most likely, has a new life of his own; therefore, he will treat you badly without any understanding or compassion.

However, if you choose to release your ex-husband from this burden, then you can then open your heart to unlimited blessings as we see here in this verse. “And my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus” (Phil. 4:19).

Do you see that it clearly says “my God” shall supply all your needs, not “my husband” or even “my job” so keep your mind fixed on this promise and keep it hidden in your heart because, my dear, it is true!! Though I should have lost everything, instead I am still living in our home and have found that my children and I live at a higher level of comfort financially than when I was married! If you want to have the faith to be able to trust God like this, then logon to our website and read Breaking Free from: The Poverty Mentality.  

I hate divorce. The first time my husband divorced me I was so careful to tell him that I didn’t want to sign the divorce papers, and that I really didn’t want the divorce because I didn’t want to be an “accessory to a crime against God.” However, this time around I never felt the need to tell my husband either of these things. First, I knew God knew my heart. He knew I did not want a divorce and that no matter how horrible the marriage was, I would never divorce my husband because I know how God feels about divorce.

Secondly, this time around it was necessary for me to sign the papers so that my husband would not have to pay child support for our children, that I would agree to take all our family and ministry debt and also so that he would be awarded half the equity in our home at the end of five years’ time. The first time I did not have the faith to sign the papers and felt it extremely necessary that I was very clear that I didn’t want to participate. However, God had changed me, and I also had witnessed other women, who by faith, allowed the Lord to lead them to sign papers when their husbands insisted.

These two women gave me the faith to happily agree and to do so without fear or trepidation. It is the testimonies of others who have walked the walk in faith before us that will help us overcome fear. “And they overcame him because of the blood of the Lamb and because of the word of their testimony…” (Rev. 12:11). (If someone tells you that it is wrong to agree, then take a moment to read the portion of “Wives, Be Subject,” under the heading “Sarah’s Obedience: Submission unto Sin?” in A Wise Woman.)

Nothing is impossible. If you have participated in divorce proceedings, or it was you who initiated them, don’t let guilt plague you. Simply ask the Lord’s forgiveness (and then your husband’s forgiveness if you haven’t done so already). Just be sure that you drop any and all legal action or protection (including your attorney and trust this promise: “With God nothing is impossible” (Matt. 19:26).

Whenever things begin to come against you, read this verse to build your faith in the Lord, “Lord, there is no one besides Thee to help us in the battle between the powerful and those who have no strength; so help us, O Lord our God, for we trust in Thee, and in Thy name have come against this, O Lord. Thou art our God; let not man prevail against Thee” (2 Chron. 14:11).

Harder to be won. If you have already been through a divorce, bitterness and resentment and extreme anger are probably what your husband feels toward you now. Pray that God will forgive your transgressions and blot out the bad memories he has (Ps. 9:5) and replace them with good thoughts. When you have an opportunity to see your ex-husband, just speak kindly and sweetly to him (again, sweetness of speech adds persuasiveness). Don’t focus on trying to make things right, but instead just keep your eyes on pursing the Lord. Remember, “When a man’s ways are pleasing to the Lord, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him” (Prov. 16:7). Pursue God with a passion, not your ex-husband who has left you.

Then I could bear it. If you wonder if you are all alone, trust me, God does understand what you are going through. Read some of Psalm 55—He’s speaking directly to you. Beginning in verse 6, “Oh that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest. Behold, I would wander far away, I would lodge in the wilderness. I would hasten to my place of refuge, from the stormy wind and tempest.” Verses 12–14: “For it is not an enemy who reproaches me, then I could bear it; nor is it one who hates me who exalted himself against me, then I could hide myself from him. But it is you, a man my equal, my companion and my familiar friend, we who had sweet fellowship together . . .”

Being rejected by your husband or son or daughter can be very painful, but it doesn’t have to be. Just begin to tell the Lord that He is all you want and all you need until that is the way you feel in your heart. I promise that very soon you will no longer feel any pain, but instead your heart will burst with joy at your newfound Love! If you want to learn more about this kind of intimacy with the Lord, be sure to read the two Abundant Life books available on our website.

Steal, and kill, and destroy. And for those of you have “flown away” (as it says in the verse above) go back home. The enemy is in his glory because he has again managed to divide and conquer. Remember, he is a thief and will use our fear or even anger to get us to do what we “thought” was right. “The thief comes only to steal, and kill, and destroy; I came that they might have life, and might have it abundantly” (John 10:10). Give God the victory and the testimony by turning this around for His glory! Instead of throwing away “your cross” (your troubled marriage or your wayward son or daughter), pick it up again and follow Him!

Take up his cross daily. “And He was saying to them all, ‘If anyone wishes to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me’” (Luke 9:23). Be sure that your cross isn’t heavier than He has designed for you; take off all your unforgiveness that leads to bitterness. It’s a heavy weight to carry and, eventually, you won’t be able to continue to carry it. You may not even be able to lift it up now, so go ahead and forgive, then forgive again! How many times should you forgive your husband, your son, and/or your daughter who sinned against you? Seven times? Jesus told us, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” That’s 490 times. (See Matt. 18:22.)

Lighten your cross tremendously by taking off any “works of the flesh.” The flesh will wear you out and break you down. Let go of all the problems you are facing, pursue the Lord and let God restore your relationship. Use this time to fall in love with the Lord with a passion! If your cross feels too heavy to bear, there are burdens on your cross that you have put there. He does not lie and He has promised that He wouldn’t give us more than we could bear! “Take My yoke upon you, and learn of Me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your soul. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light” (Matt. 11:29–30).

There is no one besides Thee. Now let us together pray as Asa prayed in 2 Chronicles 14:11: “Lord, there is no one besides Thee to help in the battle between the powerful and those who have no strength; so help us, O Lord our God, for we trust in Thee, and in Thy name have come against this multitude. O Lord, thou art our God; let not man prevail against Thee.”

In conclusion, don’t follow the world’s way; trust only in Him. Fall in love with Him. And I promise you that the Lord will never let you down and will provide for all of your needs: financial, physical and emotional. “I have been young and now I am old, yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken or his descendants begging bread” (Ps. 37:25). Only as you compromise what you know is right, or look to the flesh for strength and protection, will things go awry.

Still, it often takes going through the fire of endurance (with Him) to reach the victory He has waiting for you. How much faith do you have? Do you have enough to take the next step to allow the Lord to fight for you without a lawyer?

My beloved, release your attorney, and take the hand of your Beloved.

All of this Happened for a Reason!!

“My husband had moved out and was living with the OW, a coworker. He was not happy and felt unwanted in our 20+ years of marriage. Prior to deciding to trust the Lord for my marriage, I had sent him emails quoting Scripture and pointing out his sins and faults. That was the wrong way to handle things! He has since shared with me that it just made him mad and confirmed for him that he had done the right thing by leaving!

After approximately six weeks of separation and moving toward divorce, I realized that divorce did not have to be the answer. That’s when a pastor friend across the country referred me to the Restore Ministries website. I immediately ordered their books and read them within a couple of days.

I did not immediately release my attorney. I had a hard time with the thought of dismissing my attorney, but I prayed about it, and within a couple of days I knew that I needed to follow through. Immediately a burden was lifted from me once I released my attorney! Everyone, you have to take that step! My outlook changed immediately!

I knew that God was the only one who could restore our marriage; it was only a matter of days before I began to see changes in myself and would stop to think about what I had done to change. I realized it was not me—it was God working in awesome ways! The changes came after I began to realize all the things I had done wrong, prayed for God to change me, and prayed for God’s will for our marriage. I had to turn it all over to God and trust Him completely.

My husband began to notice little changes when he stopped by briefly for the kids or the mail. A mutual friend was also telling him how much I had changed. I asked my husband to forgive me for my contentiousness in the past. Getting past those ways was a relief to me; it is so much better to live a non-contentious life! Life is much more enjoyable, and I am happier, too. Of course, this also comes from having the Spirit of God living within me!

My husband couldn’t imagine that the changes were real and that I wasn’t putting on a front, trying to get him back for the wrong reasons. We did not talk much but would occasionally email to discuss the kids. Just as Erin mentioned in her book, he tested me at times when he talked to me. I felt this happen on several occasions where he would say something to see if I would react. I did not react, as I would have in the past, which showed him that I was really a new person.

There were several different events coming up over the holidays, and I hoped that we would attend them together as husband and wife. It didn’t happen. The kids and I were with my family in a resort area for Christmas, and I had invited my husband, letting him know he could join us at any time during the week. I prayed that he would show up on Christmas—it was the only thing I wanted! I went to bed crying and praying, but also realizing that it would happen in God’s timing, not mine. Once I acknowledged to God that He alone could know when we were both ready, that’s when restoration happened.

It was December 28, and my husband showed up at the resort. I did not expect it, and my husband didn’t know until 30 minutes prior to leaving our hometown for the resort that he would return home! He wasn’t sure why he was there, but I assured him it was God who had brought him.

Ladies, be sure to turn it all over to God. When you are waiting and having a rough day, pray, and pray some more! If it weren’t for my faith, for our awesome God, and for prayer, I would not have gotten through! Do not fight in the flesh—it will only frustrate you and slow your restoration. I found that so many things happened just as Erin said they would in the Restoration and Wise Woman book. I followed her advice, read the Scriptures, and prayed, and that is what got me through. It will get you through also.

“If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.” All of this happened for a reason. God had a plan, and now my husband and I are so much happier. We are living for God, we have a great marriage, and it just gets better every day!

Thank you, Erin, for your ministry. It is so awesome how you have helped so many marriages, ours included! God is wonderful, and what a gift He has given you!

~ Lydia in Colorado, Fellowship Member, now RESTORED!

Back Together After 19 Months! 

This donation comes with praise to God for what He has done! My husband and I are back together after having been separated for 19 months! After we had been separated a year, my husband filed for divorce, stating that there was no way he was ever going to get back together with me.

I had read your books and listened to your tapes and I must say, I was very skeptical about some of the things you had to say—they seemed pretty radical—especially the part about letting my lawyer go. But, during the months of separation from my husband, I clung to God, really pressing in to seek Him with all my heart. God was so faithful to me, carrying me through the incredible trials of separation and provided so completely for everything I needed!

At the time of our separation, I had two small children, ages four and two, and I was three months pregnant with our third child. Also, my husband had cut me off from our bank account, so I had no income. It was incredibly stressful and difficult, but as I look back, it is so amazing to see how God lovingly took care of me through everything I faced. He protected me and brought me to a place of rest in Him.

In February, after 15 months of separation, I finally decided to let my lawyer go. It was completely an act of faith because my husband was extremely hostile toward me. Also, the divorce case was impending, and we had not agreed to any financial or marital settlement. I was trusting in God to provide for me.

I felt incredible pressure from my lawyers not to do what I was doing. I don't think they were purposefully trying to scare me—I'm sure they felt like they were just trying to do their job and look out for my interests—but they gave me very stern warnings that I was leaving myself unprotected and that my husband's lawyer would try to take advantage of me. In spite of the pressure and the fear, I went ahead and let the lawyers go. I told God that I would give Him any money that was returned to me from the legal retainer I had paid.

So—praise be to the Lord!—this money is from the legal retainer. Had it not been for the wisdom I received through your ministry, I might not have ever let my lawyers go (and I would probably have ended up in divorce court). Within a month of my letting them go, my husband pulled his divorce suit! And now, finally, after an incredible journey, my husband has moved in with me and our three children. God has completely turned my husband's heart back to me. Praise God—I cannot praise Him enough!”

~ Darlene in Virginia now restored.

**Please note: Both these testimonies were taken from our book Facing Divorce, Again. If you or someone you know are going through legal battles, you need to read the entire book that will encourage you to trust the Lord alone so that the results will bless you rather than destroy you!

Once again, for more help, I would highly encourage you to get our Facing Divorce, Again book, available on our site for FREE.

Personal commitment: to trust God alone. “Based on what I have learned in Scripture, I commit to trusting the Lord to fight for me in this and any future battle. I will never seek the help from law enforcement against my loved one and will release my attorney (if I have one) and promise to not show up in court if I am sued (unless I will be in contempt).”