"God causes all things to work together for good
For those who love God,
For those who are called according to His purpose.”
In our last chapter, we discussed that our "Trust Training" was far from over and that we were just getting warmed up. Boy, was He right. I finished the first draft yesterday and was tormented by wondering if this chapter would offend or hurt the women I'm closest to who will be reading it. Yet, I left it and realized it because I trust He knows what He's doing. Besides, I keep this promise close to my heart: "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28).
In this chapter, we will discuss something I have been asking my Precious about for the last few hours. I should have been doing so many other things I was eager and excited to do, but then my heart broke to the point of having to stop to recover, He led me to begin writing this living lesson in order to help me understand.
"By WISDOM a house is built, and by understanding it is established..." (Proverbs 24:3).
This all transpired because I'd asked Him early this morning to help me understand what I'd witnessed during a text meeting. I'd asked a group of ministers, who, quite frankly, I would deem an elite group of women, most of whom I know personally, away from the ministry and consider close friends. So when they began to share their hearts, as I'd asked, they wonderfully did (or this chapter and my understanding of this topic would never have been possible). They expressed how something made them angry. They didn't say frustrated or exhausted, which is how this task I mentioned had affected me.
When I asked for wisdom about the emotion of anger, which I honestly rarely, very rarely, feel, my Friend reminded me of a mutual friend. I met this close friend at one of the lowest points in my life and her life. We met when our family moved from Florida to a remote farm in Missouri. And if you've been here or explored enough of our resources, you'll know that when I moved, it was with permission from the Florida judicial system. The charges for taking the life of my very own mother (okay, now I am having trouble typing due to my eyes filling with tears) had been dropped. But unfortunately, I was still being charged by another government agency for "abuse, neglect, and exploitation of an elderly person." At the same time, the woman who is now a lifelong friend, my neighbor who lived on the adjacent farm, had just lost her middle child, a teenage son, to a drunk driving accident.
Years later, when I moved back to another adjacent farm, a farmhouse her husband gave me (but now her youngest son and his family live there), we finally spoke about the grief she and I had been living through. It was so painful, dear reader, that neither of us could utter one word about it. Not a single word! Yet we both knew that the other understood how our lives and emotions had been shattered. We both clung to Him, me as my Husband and her as her Father—each discovering and filling our unique void.
When we finally spoke about it many years later, she told me she'd finally been able to let go of the anger. She told me that she didn't feel the pain as acutely when she was angry. As time healed her wounds, wounds I could never have imagined, she slowly could forgive and feel, and the anger was gone—replaced with a broken or maybe a fractured heart that is still healing through the love of her grandchildren and her deep, intimate relationship with her Father.
Dear reader, we don't feel hurt when we are angry.
In this day and age, when being a strong woman is now the norm, more and more women get angry. Few women react with tears and brokenness, so we feel like there's something wrong with us when we feel these emotions. My NarrowRoad Publishing Team will tell you that it took months for me to get over how broken I became after I believed they didn't care about the cover content of this book as much as I thought they did. The truth is, this is probably only my perception of what was causing what I'd discovered. Nevertheless, brokenhearted, I had to leave the project altogether for several months.
Created Male and Female
In A Wise Woman's "Helper Suitable," there's a section called "Created Male and Female" that my Savior reminded me about. He then led me to find Chapter 6, "The Angry Man," in the A Wise Man book. To be completely honest, I didn't want to go to the men's website or look at anything in the men's book. I know He used me to "author" that book and the men's RYM (but I've only ever been His typist). It just felt like going into a place where only men should go. Of course, I went without any hesitation and quickly grabbed what He wanted me to take, which was the chapter's opening verse, "He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city" (Proverbs 16:32).
This chapter is unique to the men because the chapter that coincides with it is our "Contentious Woman." The reason it's unique is that God created women differently than He created men. Men become angry, which leads to battling or fighting. The problem is when the anger is not directed at the enemy to protect his wife and children, and it's turned towards her (could it be due to wives becoming more like men, not the "gentle and quiet spirit" that wins "without a word"?). Yet, why or how can men today protect who God said was created as the "weaker vessel" (and who is, in fact, weaker no matter how you want to ignore facts and truth)? What do men do when fighting against the person God created them to protect? Women no longer "allow" men to protect them. Therefore, they can't, they won't, and they don't. So maybe the reason domestic violence has skyrocketed is because the enemy is inside the home?
And whether or not you've forgiven your earthly husband or ex or have taken the path to embrace females only—until you allow God to give you a much-needed internal makeover, which begins with Him, breaking you and then healing you (see the book He Heals Me), you'll miss feeling like the woman God created each of us to be. Only as a "gentle and quiet spirited," not an angry woman, can we help be an example and guide our daughters and sons, giving them the life He created them to have.
Nonetheless, let me warn you, even though feeling female and experiencing the love and protection my Man gives me is literally "to die for," there's a flip side when there will be times, though very, very, very few, when you will feel hurt, though never, even by Him. But due to being female and allowing yourself to be a female, you will be left with a broken heart that takes time to heal.
As He often does, this time, when I spoke to Him, He had me close my computer and begin doing mundane workers@home tasks. Home tasks are intended to calm us and bring about a sense of peacefulness, which is why the enemy has schemed to have us forced out of our homes to work.
Once I found peace in ordinary, peaceful tasks around my home and was feeling better, He lovingly led me through a massive mess of notes to begin writing this new Living Lesson chapter as I listened to Him explain the difference between being Angry and Brokenhearted.
So what would living the lesson be exactly?
First, do not accept the "strong woman" persona and never push its demise on your daughters or other women in your life. It's a lie to rob you and other women of living the abundant life.
Second, this living lesson is about immediately going to Him as a woman because He has all the answers and the comfort you need. If He is your Husband, He will “live with you in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since you are a woman; and [He will] grant you honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life...” (1 Peter 3:7). You must go to Him immediately before you believe there's something wrong with you. "Why am I about to cry over something like this?" Or you feel tempted to join the crowd going in the opposite direction. "Just get angry, get mad, fight against this." Remember, He asks us to stand by and watch (to witness and report) what He can and will do when you ask Him to help you live the lessons you learn. "You need not fight in this battle; station yourselves, stand and see the salvation of the Lord on your behalf . . . Do not fear or be dismayed . . . the Lord is with you” (2 Chronicles 20:17.)
Finally, let's face facts—we can't change ourselves; He's the only One who can change us, and I believe the change happens from hanging around Him more. I've had the same Best Friend for as long as I can remember. I was only seven when we met and became instant Best Friends (because I was desperate for a protective big brother). Then, after being Best Friends for ever so long, we fell in love, and one day, I became His bride—and I'm forever grateful because He really was my First Love! And just like all couples, we began to look and act alike, and often, we don't need to say a thing to know what the other is thinking. And now I hope the same for each of you.
Dear reader, if you find you are more likely to get angry rather than be hurt or brokenhearted, leave a comment and simply confess the truth. “Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed . . .” (James 5:16). If you're reading this in book form, ask God for someone to tell it to. The first person that comes to mind—contact them. Don't reason; just do it because He knows why.
“Most gladly therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, that His power may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for His sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong” (Philippines 12:9–10).
Read PRAISE 
that Encouraging Women post on our Encourager about having a Heavenly Father #HF.
Unleashing the TRUTH
“Stay away from a fool, for in him you will not discern the words of knowledge.” P147
“Join the company of wise men, and you will gain wisdom; join the company of fools, and you will be ruined.” P1320
“Coincidentally” today we shared in the restoration fellowship about chapter 6 “Contentious Woman” from the book “A Wise Woman in Waiting.” Now that I have read this chapter, I realize how strongly the influence of other people has worked on me. I didn’t notice it before, but as the saying goes “a picture is worth a thousand words” and it is that a picture is recorded in my mind more easily than words. I mean, seeing so many conflictive women in my life and on television led me to act that way, and to assume that way of being as what is expected of a woman.
Recently my Beloved guided me to watch a romantic miniseries I talked about in a worship service. This type of content impacted me so much that some attitudes stuck with me. I am embarrassed to tell you this, but I think HE wants me to share it. A couple of days ago, after reading Janine’s praise report about a living lesson focused on getting out of your comfort zone, I was prompted by my Beloved to go visit some friends who HE blessed me to share about Him with. When I arrived, they weren’t there, but this woman’s ex was (when I arrived I found out that they had just separated), after leaving there, I laughed with my Beloved on the way home because HE made me realize my behavior, I had greeted him with reverence (like the Japanese people) although not so pronounced, but I did it several times at that point I burst out laughing because I felt somewhat strange as if it had been someone else and not me, I laughed with HIM and now I understand how He wanted to show me that many times we react in the wrong ways when we have been exposed to the wrong influences, the best influence we can have is our Beloved. I agree with Erin that the best medicine is always to spend more time with HIM. If I spend time with fools I will copy their behavior consciously or unconsciously as happened to me in this little testimony, but if I share it with my Beloved from whom all wisdom comes then I will act wisely.
Also while I reflect I have to thank my Beloved for transforming my heart so much, I used to be an angry woman, everyone who made a description of my personality would say “I have a bad temper” because it was easy for something to bother me or to feel offended (in this I see Erin’s point, it is different to feel hurt than offended which leads to anger—in my case) for anything (my pride was very inflated). Honestly, only He and His transforming power worked in me to make me soft and gentle, I remember that since we were dating my husband always told me “Leave the bad temper,” with a tone of exhaustion for my contentious attitude (the bad face and angry expressions), but since we have been restored, I have not heard him say that to me ever again. All praise is for my Beloved, I am glad that He always shows me the path that I need to follow; we are all different, and that is why HE knows what works best for each one, in my case, it is easy to follow the example when I have one, so I thank Him for the thousands of praise reports with which He has formed me and for bringing me to RMI to learn from wise older women. Without a doubt living with you in some way in the fellowships has molded me in some way to copy your softness and sweetness, yes, I know that I still have a long way to go because I am not very sweet hahaha, but I do know that I am sweeter than before, because I was too bitter 🙂
Anastasia, I agree that the people around us can have a big influence on our behavior, whether we realize it or not and that we need to be mindful of the company we keep. It’s great that you were able to step out of your comfort zone and He gave you the ability to interact with your friends’ ex in a respectful way! I love to hear how our Beloved can transform our hearts.
I am back to come and confess, because I know this is something I can not leave. “Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed . . .” (James 5:16).
A week ago I heard that my coworker (at my outside job) and I were nominated for a reward (because we have a shortage of personnel and we are doing a few members work and we are really working very hard) but then later I was told that I was never nominated. I saw that my coworker was nominated for work that I was doing and for initiatives I gave.
And I have to admit I was so hurt that I cried and I also have to admit I didn’t give it over to my Darling and replayed it over and over in my head. I felt so very sorry for myself and I have to confess it went over in feeling cross and hurt and self pity mixed all in one. And in the same way I didn’t want something done about it, because I knew it wouldn’t let me feel better. And I didn’t have peace until I was sitting and talking to my Darling and He said to give it over to Him, because “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” J29:11
This is something I don’t want to leave and had to confess, no matter how shy I feel to confess it, because I want to be healed of it and never ever feel it again.
Janine, I bet at first it must have been very hurtful to be nominated for a reward and then have your name taken off and to feel hurt when you see your coworker being nominated for work that you’re doing. But we know that He works all things together for the good of those who love Him. “Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back” L6:30 💕
Forgiveness and faith in Him has helped start the healing process.
My anger started many years ago with just one person. I was so angry because I couldn’t believe he would lie to Me, treat Me badly, and not listen to Me because I obviously knew better.😑 I would become angry because I didn’t want my broken heart to show, I didn’t want to be taken advantage of and used. I thought, “Why should I care when he doesn’t?” It was all about me, me, me. Anger turned into bitterness, which is like a poison.
Now, I try to be more like my Beloved and remember that He loves me and He is love. I can still get angry with this person, but I hope not to let my heart become hard like before. I just want to rest with my Love. I have learned that even if I fail, He still loves me and that I can go to Him, cry, and let it all out. He can quickly change my anger into peacefulness (though only if I go to Him to listen to and comfort me.) I don’t let anger take hold of me for days and take root like it used to. It can still pop up, but He can uproot it. Seeing how some ladies here can rest in His love continually, I have felt embarrassed to have these emotions still in my life sometimes, but I also see that He is and has helped me progress and that I do not act on it as much.
oh this is how I was for years. I grew into an angry teenager and allowed so much hurt and bitterness to fuel my anger. I can relate to so many that said they tried to be strong. but I wasn’t. I was faking it and broken. so I love the part where my love will care for me as the weaker vessel. He doesn’t care that I am weak and emotional and hurting. or crying over things. But He wants me to come to Him alone!
Today I confess before you because I know that you are older and wise women, my earthly husband was out of work for a month so he was home the whole time which was a great blessing because I felt that union of friends and husbands. My Beloved Heavenly Husband has given me promises that I would not cross the road where the other woman lives again and I know that it was He who arranged for the job he is at now to cross there often, I know that He is in control but I must confess that I got angry and it was felt in my attitude towards my husband instead of feeling heartbroken. I have gone to my Beloved Husband because I know that He wants something from me, He wants me to learn something, He wants me to not fight against His will but to accept it, He wants me to keep my faith in Him, that even though everything says otherwise I know that He is Faithful who gave me the promise, Or on the contrary it is just the enemy playing with my mind making me believe the opposite. I have asked for forgiveness because He is my Husband and He is always with me and my eyes must be on Him and not on my earthly husband.
Hoy me confieso ante ustedes porque sé que son mujeres Mayores y sabias, Mi esposo terrenal duro sin trabajo un mes así que estuvo en casa todo el tiempo lo cual fue de gran bendición porque sentí esa unión de amigos y esposos. Mi Amado Esposo Celestial me ha dado promesas de que no volvería a cruzar por el camino donde habita la otra mujer y sé que fue Él quien dispuso que el trabajo en el cual está ahora cruce de seguido por ahí, sé que Él tiene el control pero debo confesar que me enoje y se sintió en mi actitud hacia mi esposo en lugar de sentirme con el corazón roto. He acudido a mi Amado Esposo porque sé que quiere algo de mí, quiere que aprenda algo, quiere que no luche contra su voluntad si no que la acepte, Él quiere que mantenga mi fé en Él, que aunque todo diga lo contrario sé que Fiel es quien me dio la promesa, O por el contrario solo es el enemigo jugando con mi mente al hacerme creer lo contrario. le He pedido Perdón porque Él es mi Esposo y está conmigo siempre y mis ojos deben de estar en Él y no en mi esposo terrenal.