⏰ Quick 3-minute read
The need to be perfect is growing every day—more women, especially young women, and teens, can see what they believe is perfection creating an obsession. Yet, the need to be perfect is nothing new. Not realizing how much I was imprisoned by this lie, this belief that I needed, no, I must be perfect, imprisoned me until I realized He was Healing Me from perfectionism!
How did I fall into this pit? “He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a Rock, making my footsteps firm.” P402 How did I fall for this scheme? "See that “no advantage would be taken of us by Satan, for we are not ignorant of his schemes." 2C211
The enemy even used scripture in the deception to reel me in, so I used these to begin this chapter. "Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.” “…one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled.”
When I first started my Restoration Journey, it was because I'd been cheated on. So part of the enemy's scheme is to have us focus on the other woman and feel pressured to try to be perfect because, when we are, our husband or partner or boyfriend will want us again.
For younger women who've not yet married, the enemy often uses being perfect to fit in, be part of the popular group, and maybe have a boyfriend. The enemy doesn't care what he uses to twist and use to imprison us, "steal, kill and destroy" us, which is why we must not be "ignorant of his schemes" and do what we can, as He Heals us to share the truth—as we are set free—free others who are locked in with this lie of perfectionism.
What's amazing is how perfect a Therapist, our great and mighty Physician, the Lord is (and who, hopefully, is your Husband). There are dozens of reasons, but mainly because He heals us without us even knowing it's happening! My Lover, my Therapist, HLM "He Leads Me" to do, or should I say not do, things I have always been doing "religiously" for as long as I can remember. By simply following His lead and not doing them, I watch as I feel more and more free, a burden lifting, feeling happier, freer!
Let me give you just one example; I was shocked when HLM to leave my bed unmade. The first time, I confess, it was really, really hard not to make it, but I knew He wanted me to leave it. Then guess what? I found it was fine. I wasn't less of a person. I didn't disappoint anyone. A few days later, without thinking, I got up and made it. That part of my therapy, which literally is defined as a "method of healing," was done, and at some point, He led me to do something else, like leave dishes in the sink.
Before being set free from the perfection in my home, being set free from appearing perfect began with my deep love for one of my DILs. Unless she's fully dressed, has been awake for a while, and has her makeup on, she stays away from anyone seeing her. So, to help her feel free, I determined not to wear makeup when I saw her so she could see it doesn’t matter. I wanted her to be able to relax and know she was beautiful, even just rolling out of bed.
What's interesting is I am not sure if what I did "for her" sake helped or encouraged her at all. Yet, because I was doing it for someone else, He used it to heal me. How far I've come is remarkable, but there is still a way to go on my perfectionism journey—but guess what? I don't care how long it takes because I enjoy the journey! I'm not on a Restoration Journey; I've let go and now enjoy what my Beloved died to give me, the Abundant Life—a journey that is so delightful I never want it to end.
So, like me, your healing from perfection probably expands and reaches into every area of your life. So even though I have no clue where I am going or what we will be discussing next—I love that you're here so together we can understand more about feeling the need, the desperation to be perfect when the only One who is perfect, is Him.
⏰ Quick 2-minute read
Let's read the definition of perfectionism because it may surprise or even shock you: "the refusal to accept any standard short of perfection." I figured that but now read this: "Philosophy, a doctrine holding that religious, moral, social, or political perfection is attainable, especially the theory that human moral or spiritual perfection should be or has been attained." Surprised? I was. It's a religious doctrine, and now we can see why the enemy is so keen for you to worship something other than the true God.
It's true. We do things "religiously," like making our bed, putting on our makeup, and never leaving dishes in the sink. The thing is, I taught my children and kept our home extremely neat, clean, and tidy—because it was important with a family of nine—especially when we lived and worked and homeschooled in a very small house. Workers@Home is designed to make a woman's life, her family's life, easier and more enjoyable. It's when it becomes obsessive, "out of balance," which means we are "leaning to our own understanding," and the cure is conveniently included in that promise "in all your ways acknowledge Him" because His "narrow" "straight" path, His "yoke is easy and light!"
Here's your meditation prescription:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
“Enter by the NARROW gate; for the gate is wide, and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and many are those who enter by it. For the gate is small, and the way is NARROW that leads to life, and few are those who find it.” Matthew 7:13-14
“Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:29-30
“I will go before you, and make the crooked path straight. I will smooth the way, lower the heights, break down bronze doors, and cut through iron bars." Isaiah 45:2
🚧 Content below is UNDER CONSTRUCTION 🚧
Each weekday, I ask my Husband when I get my Reminder IF He wants us to work on it. We usually reread what was written, revising as we go, until He lets me know it's finished and it's time to post.
Be Ye Perfect
⏰ Quick 3-minute read
While discussing the origin of perfectionism, meaning how many of us got stuck in this pit of trying to be perfect until it became a burdensome obsession, I instinctively asked God when the origin of my perfectionism began, and surprisingly, it began with my RJ "Restoration Journey."
Even though I enjoyed tidying my room and laying out what I needed for school, my uniform or outfit, homework, school books, ballet bag, or synchronized swim back, my Husband assured me this wasn't an obsession or something I needed to be healed from. He reminded me that I lived happily and calmly in a house full of disorder (because of my wonderful, free-spirited mother) so that I was blessed to learn contentment in "every circumstance."
What drove me into the deep hole of perfectionism was one principle that I read in the KJV that said, "Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect." Please note: I specifically used this very "religious" version of the Bible for a good reason that I will explain later.
First, I have remained living in this oftentimes all-consuming desire to be perfect because I believed it was a command, not merely a suggestion. Nevertheless, it was just today, after 33 years of ministering, when my Husband knew it was time to be set free.
Why did I have to wait so long? Well, He explained it's because it wasn't burdensome, not really. My nature is more of enjoying and naturally finding pleasure in getting things organized. However, when one minister and then another shared how they were struggling with this need to be perfect, and it as a malady (illness, sickness, ailment, complaint), my Husband began to lead me towards breaking free from it in order to help others.
My Husband showed me what the principle actually means and is connected to "My grace is sufficient" because God is perfect, and He is the one who completes us (through grace) when we are joined and are ONE with our Beloved.
In Greek, the original language the New Testament was written in, the word perfect ἀγαθός (agathos) is the same word that is defined as "complete" when used in other passages. And to confirm even more, consider these promises He's reminding me of:
"Apart from Me, you can do nothing..."
"Our righteousness is nothing but filthy rags..."
This is just one part of how He's healing me and also helping me get into balance—no longer "leaning to my own understanding," which the enemy has used long enough in RMI. We are breaking free from RMI Religion, being pushed to extremes, and remaining in the opposite of the ditch where we all began our RJ, contentious, without having a "gentle and quiet spirit."
The schemes we are no longer IGNORANT of, by keeping us there so long, pushed us further, so we began to feel very comfortable and safe by having a "gentle and SILENT" spirit. Instead, this plunged us into religiously and weirdly living in such a way that any sane woman would run from and refuse to live like that.
There are far more references to living a life of balance than I'd first thought. Let's explore these, shall we?
"Whenever the king consulted them in any matter requiring wisdom and balanced judgment, he found them ten times more capable than any of the magicians and enchanters in his entire kingdom." This might be my favorite. It's exactly what RMI needs now, moving away from RMI Religion and securing ourselves in the loving, understanding, and patient arms of our Beloved. It's from being with Him we are perfect, not a means of being accepted by Him.
"My dear friends, you have been warned ahead of time! So don't let the errors of evil people lead you down the wrong path and make you lose your balance." Wow, this one spoke volumes to me. How true! We were pushed farther and farther into taking things to extremes because of the influence of the unbalanced ideology of the many odd standers who flocked here for one reason: they were unbalanced and obsessed with getting their husbands back at all costs.
Later, however, when they realized it was not our focus and never has been, they'd leave. But we all know, or if you didn't know, Proverbs warns us to "Leave the presence of a fool, or you will not discern words of knowledge."
"My life constantly hangs in the balance, but I will not stop obeying your instructions." Again, we see we need to be sure we are not leaning to our own understanding. Even so, if we do need to lean, we must lean on Him.
"Your life will constantly hang in the balance. You will live night and day in fear, unsure if you will survive." My goodness, how many of you can relate to feeling like this?
"Do you know how the clouds are balanced, Those wondrous works of Him who is perfect in knowledge?" Isn't this beautiful? Imagine how we need to be like this, suspended in His arms, floating just like the cover of He Healed Me! And again, “Do you know about the layers of thick clouds [and how they are balanced and poised in the heavens], The wonderful works of Him who is perfect." Can we all shout AMEN?
Testimony: Repented and Wrapped in Love!
I am a member of your Restoration Fellowship and have been for quite some time. A friend recently reminded me of my neglect in praising God for my blessings.
At Christmas, this same friend let her own mouth become the cause of some "destruction" in her restoration path - and she was looking for some encouragement. I told her the story of my own husband, who left me on Christmas Eve. (I had always loved Christmas and now the sight of colored lights makes me want to throw up; however, I am being healed from this as years go by).
Through RMI's teaching of God's word, I quickly learned that this was to be the most important Christmas present of my life! The world saw a husband abandon his wife, but they did not see the contentious horror of a wife he was running from. Thank you RMI and Praise Jesus for showing me that log in my eye.
Even though my husband and I are now wonderfully restored, the devil tries to remind me of that awful night, starting when the decorations go up in the stores. He reminds me that my husband has never said he was sorry for the hurt – blah, blah, blah.
The first Christmas after he had been gone for one year, it took all I had to put up the lights for the kids. I had to buy new ones because I threw the prior year’s tree into the woods with the lights still on it! The next year, I foolishly wanted him to know how badly he had hurt me—he didn't even remember that he left on Christmas Eve, but that was because I had been praying Psalm 9:6 that he would forget that night! He was already spending more time with us than he was away from us. And as far as I knew, he had not had contact with the OW for months. He was almost home and we had a wonderful Christmas.
Unfortunately, I let my flesh take over as I mention/remind him of what he had done—oh, how our mouth can kill and destroy! My words drove him right back into the arms of the OW and into a spiritual battle— the likes of which I never want to see again. I repented and wrapped myself in the arms of Jesus.
In the midst of my nightmare, I dove back into His Word and learned to step out and just "believe" that our marriage was going to be restored. Whatever happened along the way did not matter!! Two months later, he was home for good, and four months later, we were restored!
I am nothing special and I messed up a lot more than this. I will not share all the other details for fear it may plant seeds of destruction in my life and/or yours. I will just say that God did for me, He wants to do for you!!!
This Christmas, my husband surprised me with a very big, "real" diamond wedding ring. He said, "Leaving you was the biggest mistake of my life and this ring is a symbol of our new life together!"
I never had a real ring before, and it pleased him so much to please me! God is so merciful and full of grace!
My husband went on to say that he planned to become a better servant of God, and a better husband and father. These are the exact prayers I have prayed and believed God for—for years.
Ladies, He is just waiting for you to let Him be God, OBEY and BELIEVE!