He Healed Me
Chapter 6
"Be Perfect"
"Be ye therefore perfect,
even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.ā
āā¦one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass
from the law, till all be fulfilled.ā
Perfectionism
Quick 3-minute read
The need to be perfect is growing every dayāmore women, especially young women, and teens, can see what they believe is perfection creating an obsession. Yet, the need to be perfect is nothing new. Not realizing how much I was imprisoned by this lie, this belief that I needed, no, I must be perfect, imprisoned me until I realized He was Healing Me from perfectionism!
How did I fall into this pit? āHe brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a Rock, making my footsteps firm.ā P402 How did I fall for this scheme? "See that āno advantage would be taken of us by Satan, for we are not ignorant of his schemes." 2C211
The enemy even used scripture in the deception to reel me in, so I used these to begin this chapter. "Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.ā āā¦one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled.ā
When I first started my Restoration Journey, it was because I'd been cheated on. So part of the enemy's scheme is to have us focus on the other woman and feel pressured to try to be perfect because, when we are, our husband or partner or boyfriend will want us again.
For younger women who've not yet married, the enemy often uses being perfect to fit in, be part of the popular group, and maybe have a boyfriend. The enemy doesn't care what he uses to twist and use to imprison us, "steal, kill and destroy" us, which is why we must not be "ignorant of his schemes" and do what we can, as He Heals us to share the truthāas we are set freeāfree others who are locked in with this lie of perfectionism.
What's amazing is how perfect a Therapist, our great and mighty Physician, the Lord is (and who, hopefully, is your Husband). There are dozens of reasons, but mainly because He heals us without us even knowing it's happening! My Lover, my Therapist,Ā HLM "He Leads Me" to do, or should I say not do, things I have always been doing "religiously" for as long as I can remember. By simply following His lead and not doing them, I watch as I feel more and more free, a burden lifting, feeling happier, freer!
Let me give you just one example; I was shocked when HLM to leave my bed unmade. The first time, I confess, it was really, really hard not to make it, but I knew He wanted me to leave it. Then guess what? I found it was fine. I wasn't less of a person. I didn't disappoint anyone. A few days later, without thinking, I got up and made it. That part of my therapy, which literally is defined as a "method of healing," was done, and at some point, He led me to do something else, like leave dishes in the sink.
Before being set free from the perfection in my home, being set free from appearing perfect began with my deep love for one of my DILs. Unless she's fully dressed, has been awake for a while, and has her makeup on, she stays away from anyone seeing her. So, to help her feel free, I determined not to wear makeup when I saw her so she could see it doesnāt matter. I wanted her to be able to relax and know she was beautiful, even just rolling out of bed.
What's interesting is I am not sure if what I did "for her" sake helped or encouraged her at all. Yet, because I was doing it for someone else, He used it to heal me. How far I've come is remarkable, but there is still a way to go on my perfectionism journeyābut guess what? I don't care how long it takes because I enjoy the journey! I'm not on a Restoration Journey; I've let go and now enjoy what my Beloved died to give me, the Abundant Lifeāa journey that is so delightful I never want it to end.
So, like me, your healing from perfection probably expands and reaches into every area of your life. So even though I have no clue where I am going or what we will be discussing nextāI love that you're here so together we can understand more about feeling the need, the desperation to be perfect when the only One who is perfect, is Him.
Join the Encouraging Women's blog conversation #Perfect
Perfectionism Defined
Quick 2-minute read
Let's read the definition of perfectionism because it may surprise or even shock you: "the refusal to accept any standard short of perfection." I figured that but now read this: "Philosophy, a doctrine holding that religious, moral, social, or political perfection is attainable, especially the theory that human moral or spiritual perfection should be or has been attained." Surprised? I was. It's a religious doctrine, and now we can see why the enemy is so keen for you to worship something other than the true God.
It's true. We do things "religiously," like making our bed, putting on our makeup, and never leaving dishes in the sink. The thing is, I taught my children and kept our home extremely neat, clean, and tidyābecause it was important with a family of nineāespecially when we lived and worked and homeschooled in a very small house. Workers@Home is designed to make a woman's life, her family's life, easier and more enjoyable. It's when it becomes obsessive, "out of balance," which means we are "leaning to our own understanding," and the cure is conveniently included in that promise "in all your ways acknowledge Him" because His "narrow" "straight" path, His "yoke is easy and light!"
Here's your meditation prescription:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
āEnter by the NARROW gate; for the gate is wide, and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and many are those who enter by it. For the gate is small, and the way is NARROW that leads to life, and few are those who find it.ā Matthew 7:13-14
āTake My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light.ā Matthew 11:29-30
āI will go before you, and make the crooked path straight. I will smooth the way, lower the heights, break down bronze doors, and cut through iron bars." Isaiah 45:2
Mistaken Guilt
Quick 3-minute read
I'm not entirely sure where to add this new revelation, but I'm confident it needs to be shared. Like most things I write, it's something my Husband personally taught me; oftentimes, it comes from having been given the opportunity to minister to someone else. Such is the case when we foolishly try and actually believe the lie that we need to perform as Christians perfectly. It's impossible. We are human, and it's our mistakes that make us both real, relatable and the most reliant on our Husbands and the place we live in order to remain humble. Yesterday, I was contacted by a sweet, practically "perfect" RMI minister who felt "convicted" (could it be condemned) of an infraction. For many reasons, I wasn't sure about replyingāprimarily because if GOD doesn't give me the wisdom or my Husband tells me what to say, I haven't a clue.
True. I've been ministering for over three decades, and the Lord has been my best friend since I was seven years old. If I don't know, I haven't a clue. Who does? No one! That's the point. God clearly says all of us"fall short of God's glory" (Romans 3:23), and when we say we "have no sin, we deceive ourselves." (1 John 1:8-10).Ā Nevertheless, after leaving it marked "unread" and closing my computer, I returned moments later to type what He said and was saying to me. After leaving a second time, periodically, my Husband began to reveal or remind me of so much I felt lighter and freer (like the cover picture), so I'm grateful for the opportunity to share it with you and, first, the RMI minister. So first, check to make sure it is a transgression, a sin before you so quickly and willingly take on a weight of guilt you were never meant to carry.
Now, I'm not sure this chapter of the Living Lessons covers the truth that if we take the burden of guilt someone else is going to carry, we've robbed that other person of repentance, getting right with God, which could even mean whether or not they join Him in heaven. What always works well with me is when it's not about me, when it's about doing something or thinking of someone else, well, it's where I'm the most comfortableāand if I had to guessāit's the same with you. So it helps us to want to get it right, not for our sake, but for the sake of someone else.
LL 13 āFalse Guilt and ForgivenessāĀ ā ā ā ā ā
False guilt is also often rooted in pride. Are you surprised? Well, so am I.
It's a branch or sister to self-righteousness, which my Husband is currently helping me work through. It's not your typical form of self-righteousness (and I hope my statement doesn't catapult me directly into the pit of being self-righteous!). Both my Husband and I are having a laugh, so lighten up. It's a byproduct of trying so hard to be good that it alone has you walking dangerously close to being self-righteous, and it makes it easy to judge others. Just how many people feel judged, not just by "Christians" but by everyone? And very often, most often, it's true.
āFor God did not send His Son into the world
to judge the world,
but that the world should
be saved through Him.ā
āJohn 3:17
In the example that prompted me to write this part of "Be Perfect" is what happened yesterday that my Husband took a day to explain. It was false guilt she was experiencingābrought on by this desire, no obsession, to be perfect. I'm not sure if it was brought on by the confession of another RMI minister who had done something she should have quickly confessed to but failed to. This is just one more compensation built into her finally confessing because you, we, can't lose with God. As His bride, He's got us covered far more than we'll ever realize.
Now stop to look at the cover of this book. Don't you feel like you could float in the air? If not, read this part again until you do take flight!
Ā 
Be Ye Perfect
Quick 3-minute read
While discussing the origin of perfectionism, meaning how many of us got stuck in this pit of trying to be perfect until it became a burdensome obsession, I instinctively asked God when the origin of my perfectionism began, and surprisingly, it began during my RJ "Restoration Journey." Why ask God and not my Husband?
āBut if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God...ā James 1:5 Very early in my Restoration Journey, long before I knew there was such a thing as an Abundant Life Journey, I took to heart what every word, God's Word, said and did my best to follow it to the letter. "For truly I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not the smallest letter or stroke of a letter shall pass from the Law until all is accomplished!" Matthew 5:18 I learned this in 1991 when I had my EH's KJV that said, "one jot or one tittle," and took it to heart. Sometimes, speaking to your Father is what you really need at the moment, so don't forget you don't just have His Son, your Husband. You also have God the Father. Okay, let's get back to what He revealed to me.
When I was growing up, even though I enjoyed tidying my room and laying out what I needed for school, my uniform or outfit, homework, school books, ballet bag, or synchronized swim back, my Husband assured me this wasn't an obsession or something I needed to be healed from. He reminded me that I lived happily and calmly in a house full of disorder (because of my wonderful, free-spirited mother), so I was blessed to learn contentment in "every circumstance."
What drove me into the deep hole of perfectionism began with one principle that I read in the KJV that said, "Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect." Please note: I specifically used this very "religious" version of the Bible for a good reason that I will explain later.
First, I have remained living in this often-all-consuming desire to be perfect because I believed it was a command, not merely a suggestion. Nevertheless, it was just today, after returning after 33 years of ministering, that my Husband knew it was time to be set free.
Why did I have to wait so long? Well, He explained it's because it wasn't burdensome, not really. My nature is more of enjoying and naturally finding pleasure in getting things organized. However, when one minister and then another shared how they were struggling with this intense need to be perfect, and it began to appear as a malady (illness, sickness, ailment, complaint), my Husband began to lead me towards breaking free from it in order to help others.
My Husband showed me what the principle actually means and is connected to "My grace is sufficient" because God is perfect, and He is the one who completes us (through grace) when we are joined and are ONE with our Beloved.
In Greek, the original language the New Testament was written in, the word perfect į¼Ī³Ī±ĪøĻĻ (agathos) is the same word that is defined as "complete" when used in other passages. And to confirm even more, consider these promises He reminding me of:
"Apart from Me, you can do nothing..."
"Our righteousness is nothing but filthy rags..."
This is just one part of how He's healing me and also helping me get into balanceāno longer "leaning to my own understanding," which the enemy has used long enough in RMI. We are just beginning to break free from the RMI Religion, which was using His truths that were pushed to extremes, and then going to the opposite ditch where we all began our RJ, contentious, without having a "gentle and quiet spirit."
The schemes we are no longer IGNORANT of, by keeping us there so long, pushed us further, so we began to feel very comfortable and safe by having a "gentle and SILENT" spirit, not just the "gentle and quiet" spirit that pleases God. Instead, this shoved us into religiously and weirdly living in such a way that any sane woman would run from and refuse to live like that.
Balanced
There are far more references to living a life of balance than I'd first thought. Let's explore these, shall we?
"Whenever the king consulted them in any matter requiring wisdom and balanced judgment, he found them ten times more capable than any of the magicians and enchanters in his entire kingdom." This might be my favorite. It's exactly what RMI needs now, moving away from RMI Religion and securing ourselves in the loving, understanding, and patient arms of our Beloved. It's by being with Him we are made perfect, not a means of being accepted by Him.
"My dear friends, you have been warned ahead of time! So don't let the errors of evil people lead you down the wrong path and make you lose your balance." Wow, this one spoke volumes to me. How true! We were pushed farther and farther into taking things to extremes because of the influence of the unbalanced ideology of the many odd standers who flocked here for one reason: they were unbalanced and obsessed with getting their husbands back at all costs.
Later, however, when they realized it was not our focus and never has been, they'd leave. But we all know, or if you didn't know, Proverbs warns us to "Leave the presence of a fool, or you will not discern words of knowledge." It left a wake of imbalanced behavior. One that my Husband brought to mind was a recent post in Encouraging Women that had many comments. Because having a restored marriage became an obsession, it left one of His brides vulnerable to what is not only accepted but encouraged by Standers.
Now you see a crazy acceptance of a man with several wives, "Sister Wives," and next came a woman with several husbands. God help us to find our way back to Your truth. Moving on...
"My life constantly hangs in the balance, but I will not stop obeying your instructions." Again, we see we need to be sure we are not leaning to our own understanding. Even so, if we do need to lean, we must be certain we are leaning on Him.
"Your life will constantly hang in the balance. You will live night and day in fear, unsure if you will survive." My goodness, how many of you can relate to feeling like this? If you are vulnerable to this state of fear, it will lead to depression, and that leads to medication, which is designed for you to never get off of! Be sure you read Thankfulness TherapyĀ so it becomes part of your daily routine.
Ladies, I do this every single day. Even before my morning coffee, I shower in His promises. I read at least a dozen and have some HLM āHe Led Meā to have some that come up weekly. Amazingly, whatever promise it is, sometime during the day, I will use that exact one! Okay, let's keep learning from God's own Words about being balanced. We're almost at the end.
"Do you know how the clouds are balanced, Those wondrous works of Him who is perfect in knowledge?" Isn't this beautiful? Imagine how we need to be like this, suspended in His arms, floating just like the cover of He Healed Me! And again, āDo you know about the layers of thick clouds [and how they are balanced and poised in the heavens], The wonderful works of Him who is perfect." Can we all shout AMEN?
Conclusion
Enjoying perfection is not badāunless it becomes burdensome or results in you expecting others to be perfect (which is something He never had us discuss here, so if this is you, have that conversation with your Husband and maybe go ahead and ask God, your Father, for wisdom). Being balanced is where He wants us to be, which will keep us in the center of the narrow path, not being pushed from one ditch to the other.
So much truth in this chapter! Since I am also in the process of being restored from perfectionism, I have found myself in that position of moral superiority derived either from false guilt or from the conviction of real sin, that desire to be perfect in everything and I believe that it inevitably leads me to judge others, as always, identifying the negative point in everything and wanting to take measures to prevent that from happening again. And yes, people easily feel judged for our excessive behavior. Sometimes I find it difficult to connect His grace with falling into disobedience or religiosity, that balance is what I want to find.
This guilt derived from perfectionism robs us of our freedom and happiness and can damage relationships (no one wants to be next to someone who judges them), because being so attentive to every detail of behavior, being excessively introspective, makes us stop enjoying ourselves and frequently going to the extreme of seeing everything as bad and not wanting to talk or interact with other people, which is rejecting them, it seems to me that this behavior was typical of the Pharisees. I believe that this point at which the enemy twists the scriptures by using them against us requires much more wisdom and is where we can move to be Pharisees and become enemies of God who, instead of loving those who are in sin, reject them. That was not Jesusā behaviorā¦ and today I am encouraged by the way HE prayed for me:Ā https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Juan+17&version=NASBĀ If He didnāt let the disciples lose, would He let me get lost?
As I was talking about what you shared with my Husband, He pointed out that the challenge you face is to be willing to accept His unconditional loveābecause āif you canāt, who can?ā Readers may not know how physically beautiful you are, and unless they have worked with you, they have no idea how wonderfully talented you are, too. So, if youāre unable to feel adequate, you must try harder (even trying hard to be humble). Well, I see His point. Can you?
Part of the healing Iāve been experiencing lately is not worrying about my makeup or clothing, saying things the perfect way, and especially wonderfulābecause of ageā I have the opportunity to embrace getting old and rather than fearing (wrinkles and looking youthful) my Husband told me to be fascinated by it instead.
Anastasia, imagine if you were able to open yourself up to His love so you could really help other women, young and old, do the same thing! Itās one reason this is such a huge passion for me, one thing I want to get right. However, I canāt. Not in myself. It needs Him to do it for me, through me, and the same will be for you, too!
Watching you struggle is one of the main reasons I continue to press forward, knowing how much this is going to matter to you and to all those you will inspireātethered and relying on the One SourceāHim!!!
If you want all of this to stick, just be sure to
Post your Praise using your HHM BNN
But before you leave, comment BELOW and Encourage the Author of this post and this chapter.
Testimony: Repented and Wrapped in Love!
I am a member of your Restoration Fellowship and have been for quite some time. A friend recently reminded me of my neglect in praising God for my blessings.
At Christmas, this same friend let her own mouth become the cause of some "destruction" in her restoration path - and she was looking for some encouragement. I told her the story of my own husband, who left me on Christmas Eve. (I had always loved Christmas and now the sight of colored lights makes me want to throw up; however, I am being healed from this as years go by).
Through RMI's teaching of God's word, I quickly learned that this was to be the most important Christmas present of my life! The world saw a husband abandon his wife, but they did not see the contentious horror of a wife he was running from. Thank you RMI and Praise Jesus for showing me that log in my eye.
Even though my husband and I are now wonderfully restored, the devil tries to remind me of that awful night, starting when the decorations go up in the stores. He reminds me that my husband has never said he was sorry for the hurt ā blah, blah, blah.
The first Christmas after he had been gone for one year, it took all I had to put up the lights for the kids. I had to buy new ones because I threw the prior yearās tree into the woods with the lights still on it! The next year, I foolishly wanted him to know how badly he had hurt meāhe didn't even remember that he left on Christmas Eve, but that was because I had been praying Psalm 9:6 that he would forget that night! He was already spending more time with us than he was away from us. And as far as I knew, he had not had contact with the OW for months. He was almost home and we had a wonderful Christmas.
Unfortunately, I let my flesh take over as I mention/remind him of what he had doneāoh, how our mouth can kill and destroy! My words drove him right back into the arms of the OW and into a spiritual battleā the likes of which I never want to see again. I repented and wrapped myself in the arms of Jesus.
In the midst of my nightmare, I dove back into His Word and learned to step out and just "believe" that our marriage was going to be restored. Whatever happened along the way did not matter!! Two months later, he was home for good, and four months later, we were restored!
I am nothing special and I messed up a lot more than this. I will not share all the other details for fear it may plant seeds of destruction in my life and/or yours. I will just say that God did for me, He wants to do for you!!!Ā
This Christmas, my husband surprised me with a very big, "real" diamond wedding ring. He said, "Leaving you was the biggest mistake of my life and this ring is a symbol of our new life together!"
I never had a real ring before, and it pleased him so much to please me! God is so merciful and full of grace!
My husband went on to say that he planned to become a better servant of God, and a better husband and father. These are the exact prayers I have prayed and believed God forāfor years.
Ladies, He is just waiting for you to let Him be God, OBEY and BELIEVE!
~ Michelle
Post your Praise using your HHM BNN
Note: This comment has been moved up to be included in the book.
So much truth in this chapter! Since I am also in the process of being restored from perfectionism, I have found myself in that position of moral superiority derived either from false guilt or from the conviction of real sin, that desire to be perfect in everything and I believe that it inevitably leads me to judge others, as always, identifying the negative point in everything and wanting to take measures to prevent that from happening again. And yes, people easily feel judged for our excessive behavior. Sometimes I find it difficult to connect His grace with falling into disobedience or religiosity, that balance is what I want to find.
This guilt derived from perfectionism robs us of our freedom and happiness and can damage relationships (no one wants to be next to someone who judges them), because being so attentive to every detail of behavior, being excessively introspective, makes us stop enjoying ourselves and frequently going to the extreme of seeing everything as bad and not wanting to talk or interact with other people, which is rejecting them, it seems to me that this behavior was typical of the Pharisees. I believe that this point at which the enemy twists the scriptures by using them against us requires much more wisdom and is where we can move to be Pharisees and become enemies of God who, instead of loving those who are in sin, reject them. That was not Jesus’ behavior… and today I am encouraged by the way HE prayed for me: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Juan+17&version=NASB If He didn’t let the disciples lose, would He let me get lost?
Note: This comment has also been moved up to be included in the book.
Beautifully written, Anastasia!
As I was talking about what you shared with my Husband, He pointed out that the challenge you face is to be willing to accept His unconditional loveābecause “if you can’t, who can?” Readers may not know how physically beautiful you are, and unless they have worked with you, they have no idea how wonderfully talented you are, too. So, if you’re unable to feel adequate, you must try harder (even trying hard to be humble). Well, I see His point. Can you?
Part of the healing I’ve been experiencing lately is not worrying about my makeup or clothing, saying things the perfect way, and especially wonderfulābecause of ageā I have the opportunity to embrace getting old and rather than fearing (wrinkles and looking youthful) my Husband told me to be fascinated by it instead.
Anastasia, imagine if you were able to open yourself up to His love so you could really help other women, young and old, do the same thing! It’s one reason this is such a huge passion for me, one thing I want to get right. However, I can’t. Not in myself. It needs Him to do it for me, through me, and the same will be for you, too!
Watching you struggle is one of the main reasons I continue to press forward, knowing how much this is going to matter to you and to all those you will inspireātethered and relying on the One SourceāHim!!!
I thought about this lesson a lot. I made a promise to myself when I was much younger that I will never let perfectionism destroy me like it did my mother (that was my thought process back then). I do like order in my house and how things are done, but I tend to stay on middle ground. The reason I made this promise to myself was because I grew up with a mother who was an extreme perfectionist. She gave up on so many things because she couldn’t achieve the high standard she set for herself and eventually it also contributed to her depression. For us it felt like we could never make her happy because we always fell short in everything, and it caused us to rather withdraw. When I had children, I also let go of any ideas of perfectionism. Yes, I want order in my house, and I want it clean and neat, but I do not want to go to the same extremes my mom did because I want my children to feel like they are home, not in a showcase.
I do relate to trying to be perfect after I found out about my fh’s adultery the first time, comparing myself to the OW, but the more I tried, the more I pushed my fh away because they can see it’s not real. In the end I got so tired of trying that I just gave up and went in the complete opposite direction. But when my HH stepped in and I went on my RJ, He healed me of everything. Lessons like “https://loveatlast.org/fc/living-the-abundant-life/chapter-14-youre-beautiful/”, https://loveatlast.org/finding-the-abundant-life/chapter-6-they-dont-have-it/ and https://loveatlast.org/finding-the-abundant-life/chapter-8-who-are-you-listening-to/ really helped me on my healing journey. He placed me on the Potter’s Wheel and worked on so many of my faults and weaknesses that really needed changing, not because I was told to change. I know He loves me and that is all that matters, I still fall short and still make mistakes, but in His lovingkindness, He gently corrects me and help me to overcome.