My restoration journey began when I found RMI after my divorce was already filed. I finally had reached a point where I just gave up on her marriage, but God spoke to me, placing a desire in my heart to believe God for restoration. My Abundant Life Journey began when I found true love at last, and then became the L@L minister.
My passion is helping women in SA and around the world who are suffering— to find the peace and assurance that I found by becoming His bride.
How did your Restoration Journey begin? What brought you to RMI's encouraging women?
My journey started three years ago, actually when I think back it started seven years ago, but I did not realize then that the Lord was trying to get my attention. I was a Christian but God was not my Lord, I read the Bible (some days), prayed (if I could stay awake), had myself baptized and went to church fairly often. But I did not know Him and through everything, I tried to save and fix everything myself that came our way. Three years ago, at the beginning of the year, I reached breaking point, I was a wreck and a nasty human being.
For five years I had to live with Kevin's adultery, with the same OW. After I first found out about the affair five years ago, they "stopped" it but I had my suspicions and the signs were there that it was not over.
Kevin told me during this time that he no longer loves me and pointed out all my mistakes over and over. A bit more than a year before the divorce, he confessed that the affair was still going on, and from then on he just wanted a divorce. I held on, begged and tried to change, but he just wanted to get away, his heart was completely turned away. There were times he tried to work on our marriage but his head was there, not his heart.
Three years ago, at the beginning of the year, I kicked Kevin out of the house and was done with it. I was more than willing to give him the divorce he wanted. My heart was as hard as a rock and I became a horrible human being over the 5+ years. I felt sorry for myself and played the role of victim, I thought I was the one who forgave every time and wanted to keep trying...
But despite my hardened heart, I broke down one night, begging the Lord to just give me something to help me get over everything and move on with my life. The Lord gave me Ezekiel, I could not understand it, and left it there and thought it was my imagination. Later He gave it to me again and confirmed it with an older lady who shared her restored marriage testimony with me. The Lord also gave her Ezekiel, it was years ago and they were happily married until her husband's death.
It put me off a bit, because in my head and heart I was done, trying to save my marriage was not an option. I did research on Ezekiel and the message was; “the people will be scattered and the city will be destroyed, look at your sins, people will be brought back and there will be a new city and covenant”. When what He was trying to say to me sank in, I was sitting with a problem; how did I get the will and courage again after all the years I “tried” and HOW? I then started searching the internet and saw there are marriages that have been restored by God. I then came across "Standers Ministries", followed them for a while and I started to change a bit. Kevin started getting closer to me again but did not stay in the house. And then all of a sudden, after we started to get along again, he filed for divorce.
Meanwhile, I started searching again because the other ministries did not give me what I was looking for, something was missing and I did not always feel comfortable with everything. Then I got Restore Ministries International.
I immediately started with C1 and read the Restore Your Marriage book, it was then that I realized; I'm looking at my own sins, I'm seeing myself with 20/20 vision and the picture is not pretty!!! But I also got hope, and He started working in me, started changing me and I started knowing Him and His heart for me.
Meanwhile, the divorce was finalized during the end of that year. Although I had already read some of the principles in the Facing Divorce book, I lost heart when the divorce was finalized and I stopped doing the courses. So a few days after D-Day, however, I got the feeling again to start with C1, all over again.
And this is where my journey, with my HH, began. Before that, my journey was more about my marriage and less about Him, but with Kevin "out of the picture", I could start focusing on Him. But then the tests started to get difficult, like the day I found out Kevin did leave me for the OW and then introduced my kids to her. Over Christmas, my kids went on vacation with Kevin and the OW. And the list goes on and on. At present they are still together and my children are building a relationship with the OW (other woman) as well.
Kevin and I started to get along very well at the beginning of the year, after I asked for forgiveness again. He couldn’t stay away from me and we had good times together with the children. Then he withdrew again and moved to another town.
In the whole process I lost EVERYTHING financially, I gave up my job to help Kevin in his business, which failed. I am now a single mother of 2 beautiful children. BUT just as bad as it may sound, I have found happiness, I have found peace and I will not trade this path I have to walk for anything. I also started working for RMI and then the tests really started, but I am determined, and with His strength, that I will follow where He wants to lead me.
I met my Heavenly Husband and I absolutely love Him! A few weeks ago He led me back to Ezekiel and Ezekiel 36: 26 NIV stood out to me:
“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” When I think back this is exactly what He is doing, He started breaking my heart that was stone and is giving me a new heart, a heart of flesh, a heart without bitterness and a heart that forgives easier. He also gave me a new spirit.
I am now at the point where I do not know if I want my marriage restored, but I also know that I have to lay down my own will for His will.
My life is in His hands and I can not wait to see what His plans are for me, I just know, it's going to be GOOD !! He is all I want, He is all I need and if I have Him, I have EVERYTHING !!
What did RMI and / or Encouraging Women do and what did it mean to you?
The courses offered by RMI completely changes us, from the inside out. It appeals to you, as you work through the courses you see all your own sins, sometimes you can just fall to your knees and ask for forgiveness. All the Bible verses, all the knowledge, all the insight, washes you clean. You change, you climb on the potter's wheel and give yourself to the Potter so that He can shape you.
And then through the courses, you meet your One True Love, your First Love, your Heavenly Husband.
The moment you meet Him, everything changes. Your circumstances no longer matter, your earthly husband no longer matters, the hurt becomes less and less and the heart of stone becomes more and more flesh. You also get the plans for your new house, your new house is built from the rubble of the old house, on the Rock of Jesus. This new house can withstand the storms and also the attacks of the enemy.
There is so much to learn and so much hope; first in His Word and then in the courses and books. The daily devotions, My Beloved and “Streams in the Desert” is the best way to start your day, along with the Psalms and Proverbs as recommended by RMI. The daily blog posts on the Encouragingwomen site are also fantastic. It's so encouraging to read about other women's travels, struggles and victories, how our HH (Heavenly Husband) works in everyone's lives.
How have you and your life changed since you learned the promises and applied the principles of RMI?
The principles we learn in the RMI courses are basic principles that can be found in the Bible. At the beginning I had to "work" really hard to try and make the changes. But the more you seek Him, get washed with the word, move closer to Him, and later fall in love with your HH, all the principles begin to become part of you and you do not even have to think about applying them. It becomes part of you as you become part of your HH. People can and will see the change. And you can feel it, you feel lighter and lighter every day, with every burden that falls away, every step you take, takes you further away from the prison of pain and sorrow.
There are so many wonderful promises for every person in His Word. We need to spend time with Him in His Word every day, let Him guide you and show you what He wants to show you. Every Bible verse in every course and every RMI book shows and teaches you something about Him and His great and wonderful love and grace!
"How God Can And Will Restore Your Marriage" - this is a great promise but God is a God of restoration, of miracles, of healing and nothing, but nothing is impossible for the Creator of Heaven and Earth.
Why are you interested in becoming a minister?
Because of what I went through I know how it feels; I know the pain, the hopeless feeling, the rejection, the insults, the depression, the tears that flow regularly and the will to not live anymore. My heart bleeds for everyone who is there.
I walked the path and came through many difficult circumstances and trials and more than survived with Him. He was with me the whole time and caught every tear in His bottle. Without Him I would not be able to be here today, happy and full of peace. There are still trials and things that hurt every day, but I have learned to praise Him for it and then take the things that cause me hurt and pain and give to Him, it is His to deal with.
Here where I am now on my journey, I want every broken woman to be able to come and meet their True and First Love, to be held and comforted by Him. To be able to take refuge in Him while the battle rages around her. To become His Bride, to learn who they are in Him and to experience the peace and joy that only He can give. To look to the future and radiate!
I want to be a Titus woman, an older woman who can teach younger women. And we must be able to encourage and comfort others with the same encouragement and comfort we have received from Him.
Who is FIRST in your life? How did it happen?
I have always wondered how one can put the Lord first in one's life, especially after I got married and had children. But this is what He expects and if nothing else works, He takes away what is in His rightful place. It’s a difficult path to let go of all that is before and above Him, but if you have lost it anyway, it is the most wonderful thing that can happen to you.
He is first in my life now and it's easy. He is always there. I can talk to Him all day long about everything. I can ask Him for advice on everything from what I wear to what I buy. He also helps me with my children and with other relationships in my life. Everything that bothers or hurts me now I can give to Him.
Are you currently "seeking" restoration for your own marriage? Why or why not?
I'm in a place where I doubt if I want to get my marriage back because I'm in a good place with my HH right now. I can only walk the path forward with Him without fear of the future.
But now I also have to start looking at my own heart, is it because I now want to follow my own will again. I must lay down my will for His will. If He wants to raise my marriage from the dead for His glory and to give Him a testimony, then that's what I'll do. But if He wants me to stay alone with Him, then that's what I'll do.
Which resources helped you the most? What is your favorite?
The Restore Your Marriage Book: To Have You Look At Yourself, Give Hope, and Restoration Guidelines for Marriage
The Wise Woman Book: To Help You Build Your Home on the Rock of Jesus.
Facing Divorce and Facing Divorce again books: to help you face the divorce against you, His way, to appoint Him as your lawyer so that He can fight for you. Also for encouragement and hope.
Finding the Abundant Life and Living the Abundant Life books: to learn what a life can look like with your HH (Heavenly Husband).
"By the Word of their Testimonies": to build faith and learn how great and good He is.
My Beloved - to be encouraged and nourished daily.
All the courses, daily encouragement blog, the “Church without Walls” and the “Be Encouraged video” series: everything helps to encourage you on this journey and build a greater love and closer relationship with your HH.
What do you want to say to a woman who reads your BIO to help and encourage her?
Dear Broken Woman,
You do not have to stay in the broken place. You no longer have to be trapped in a prison of pain, despair and depression. There is hope and His name is Jesus.
He wants to make you His Bride and His Beloved, He wants to lift you out of your circumstances and show you how to lead the abundant life for which He died. He wants to heal your broken heart, fill your heart with His abundant love. He waits with open arms for you to say "YES" to Him.
With Him as your HH you have nothing to fear and no one, you can just stand next to Him and watch as He fights on your behalf, as His bride. You can look to the future and be radiant!
**Update: As of this year, my children are no longer staying with me but with Kevin and the OW. It all started during last year with the impact that Covid lockdown had on businesses. His hours were reduced and Kevin thought that the best option would be to stop all child / spousal support (we didn’t fight in court during the divorce, everything Kevin paid is what he offered to pay, I didn’t have a lawyer) and then the kids had to go stay with Kevin and I had to go stay with my brother.
But because of the settlement agreement from the divorce, I had custody of the children and they could visit Kevin every second weekend. I never withheld the kids from Kevin and he was always welcome to visit the kids or take them for a night or two whenever he wanted to. But because of the agreement, we had to change it again for Kevin to get custody. At first I wanted to fight, my aunt even paid for a lawyer, but because I wanted to be obedient to her, but more so to my HH, I just prayed that He would stop the appointment with the lawyer my aunt paid for. His will. Well I went on the day of the appointment, I drove there, but the lawyer didn’t show up!!! At the last minute my HH stepped in and showed me that He doesn’t want me to see a lawyer!!
We still had to go and see Kevin’s lawyer for mediation, and even though that was not what I wanted to do, Kevin insisted. His lawyer suggested that we take the children to a “Voice of the child” at a psychiatrist, and even if I was against it (I don’t believe in psychiatrists), I kept quiet and just agreed.
After the kids saw her twice, Kevin and I had to go see her together. She had already spoken to Kevin which I was not aware of. But what came out of it was what the kids wanted, and still want; to be with both of us and her suggestion was that wait untill the end of the school year to make big changes in their lives. Kevin was agreeable and said they could stay with me until the end of last year and never mentioned anything again. So I prayed about it and told my HH that His will must be done, I would prefer my kids stay with me, but His will…
About 2 months ago, Kevin raised the subject again, and thanks to the book Facing Divorce Again, (even if this is not a divorce but it is a huge trial coming against me), I was agreeable and enthusiastic about it (but my heart broke inside). There is now NO contract or legal parental plan, but that is okay, my trust is in my HH. Kevin’s heart was also softened by my reaction, which I think he didn’t expect, and he told me several times its not to take the children away from me or keep them from me, or because I am a bad mother (one thing he always said is that I am a good mother), but it’s “better” for the kids because its a better school etc. But my HH was also preparing my heart for this and I was able to let go. It's not easy to let go of your children, especially when you know they will also be living with the OW.
But I also know that my children wanted to try out the new school (a private Christian School the OW’s children attend). I stay just 30 minute’s drive away from them so now I see my children 3 weekends per month. I pick them up on a Friday after school and take them back to school on a Monday morning.
Kevin wants me to go and live in the same town as them (where we also stayed and everything happened) and then we follow a 1 week, 1 week parental plan. But I told Kevin that if the Lord wants me there, He will make a way for me to move there. He is even prepared to help me with a deposit on a new place but at the moment I am waiting on my HH.
I am at peace, I know there is a reason for this season as well and it’s part of His perfect plan for me. I did go through a very difficult time just before my children left, but I took it all to Him. And He showed me the story of Abraham taking Isaac to the altar twice during this time. And I know I cannot protect my children, I can’t be with them everywhere, but their Heavenly Father is always with them and that is what I also told them before they left…