RYR 16 “Verbal Vomit”

Just the other day I got a long email reeking of “verbal vomit.” You know what I mean—most of you have received these emails yourself or had a conversation with someone on the phone, or in person. But the worst part is that many of us, or should I say most of us, have been on the vomiting end of these horrible situations.

When I got my email, I must confess, I was so devastated at that hate, and accusations that were just WILD… I actually trembled when I read it.

Praise God that I have learned to seek the Lord immediately. And, in my seeking the Lord, He kept telling me that NONE OF IT was valid; however, I just knew I had to be at fault. Over and over again the Lord comforted me with the same words that it was not my fault. Both the Living Lessons “Accuser” and“False Guilt and Forgiveness” certainly would have helped, but I was ignorant of them and their principles at the time.

I knew I needed to go back to my prayer closet to seek Him more deeply, and after that, I kept to my room, silent for the rest of that evening. My greatest desire was to have Him help me through this so I would know how to help other women who face this sort of thing, which I know happens all the time! Pain, shame, confusion, it was surrounding me and could consume anyone.

What I did next was to ask for WISDOM, to let me know what was going on. That’s when the light came on and I was no longer in the dark about why this was happening. “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of the giving God [Who gives] to everyone liberally and ungrudgingly, without reproaching or faultfinding, and it will be given him” (James 1:5 AMP).

The first piece of wisdom He revealed to me was that this precious person in my life is hurting. She is known for verbal vomiting and rather than being disgusted or angry to realize that this sweet thing has hurt all her life. This person, like many of us, believed that marriage would take away the pain, but it only managed to make it worse. How many of us can relate?

Then the Lord reminded me that this sort of letter and these cutting cruel words were basically vomited over everyone, regularly—not just me! He brought to mind vicious fighting that had happened right in front of me, and how often other accusing things would be thrown out at everyone; again, not just at me.

The Lord showed me all this to uncover so I could see the poor wretched soul that now wanted to blame me, or whomever because she believed that I was who had made her so painfully sick—to the point—that her only relief would be to verbal vomit it all over me and get it all out.

With this newfound wisdom, my heart naturally turned to compassion and understanding, rather than thinking of how it was hurting me. Finally, I was able to respond kindly and without a defensiveness that most of us naturally take. At this point, it was easy to take all the blame, when she accused me, taking on the full responsibility, then nailing that to His cross!!

For many days I did not hear anything back when the next wave of fear came when I realized I was supposed to meet a close friend of hers for coffee, eek! And this someone was who I believed was at the root of this rumor and lie. My goal, therefore, would be to remain fearless and not allow any more “confrontations” since they never bring about PEACE, but continue to stir up hatred and more horrible feelings! So I chose to tackle this offensively, rather than defensively, again, fearless. By coming in determined to be loving, kind, and positive in nature.

Then, when He led me to open my Bible for His promises on comfort, I read...

“This I know, that God is for me.

And I kept reading...

 
In God, whose word I praise,

         In the LORD, whose word I praise,

 
In God I have put my trust, I shall not be afraid.

         What can man do to me?

Your vows are binding upon me, O God;

         I will render thank offerings to You.

 
For You have delivered my soul from death [time and again],

         Indeed my feet from stumbling,

         So that I may walk before God

         In the light of the living”

—Psalm 56:9–13

All I could do was to weep with joy knowing that HE cares so much for me, how could ANYONE live without HIM!!! How can anyone go it alone??? But we do know most "cope" through drugs, alcohol, and sex, which only adds hurt to more hurt.

Dear one, many of us are devastated when someone we know and love dearly cannot help but verbally vomit all over us. When they do, we do not need to stand there—instead, simply step aside—then later help clean it up as the Lord led me to do. We also cannot take it personally, even though we have been blamed (unless it IS our doing, but that is not what this chapter is about).

Yet, there are many of you who continue to do the vomiting. Your heart is sick and you believe that by vomiting those hurtful or hateful words that somehow you will feel better—but you never do. Because the one who is behind all this heart and soul-sickness is the enemy who will succeed in following up your verbal vomit episode with guilt, shame, and condemnation. You know I am right since this has been a pattern in your life for far too long. Today is your Appointed Time to be set free!!

What can you do? Well, go back and reread chapter 6 “Tell it to Your Husband" since He promises to help you and heal you. The Lord will let you get it all out, telling everything and anything that hurts, to Him. Your Husband will also hold your head when you feel you could die, then He will gladly clean up the mess, and sit with you while you rest. Your Husband is there for anything and everything that ails you. Trust me, He has been there for me through everything and He promises to be there for you, too.

Personal commitment: to not allow verbal vomit to spew from my lips. “Based on what I have learned from God’s Word, I commit to pouring my pain out to the One who will help me get out all my pain, hold my head and clean up my mess—ridding me of the guilt, shame, and condemnation—while saving my loved ones from catching my illness.”