Chapter 8
"Take the Good"
I have to say that one of my biggest struggles was my mind. It would wander into the “what if’s” or the “could be’s” being uncertain of just how far or how long my journey would be. I tried to enjoy every moment but it was a weakness I had and I have to share it. My willingness to walk the path He was leading me didn’t mean I would not get to some points where I felt like it was too much to bear.
Rain falls because the clouds can no longer handle the weight. Tears fall because the heart can no longer handle the pain.
Would I break at some point? How difficult would it become? I constantly had to renew my mind with His word and just believe that everything would turn out for my good. My children now knew of Marco and Ivette and would there be others to find out what was going on? I was discrete with my situations, but those “what if’s”, I had to surrender daily. I had to walk one day at a time, finding the peace that surpassed all understanding.
My brother had borrowed Marco’s car for a couple of days. I got a call from him to come over. He literally lives less than five minutes away. My brother and I have a very close relationship and he is one of the best human beings I know. So I drove over and he was standing outside with tears coming down his face. I quickly got out of the car and ran to him. “Is everything ok? What’s wrong?’ I said. He replied, “I can’t believe this.” Almost in an angry voice saying “what is this?”, holding a picture of Ivonne in his hands. He continued to say, “I was driving and I put the sun visor down and this falls on my lap. What is going on?” Then, his crying intensifies and I am at a loss for words. Oh God please help me. There were all these emotions in the air, betrayal, anger, and sadness all at once and I needed to do something. I felt God guide me and I grabbed his shoulders, looked him in the eyes, and said, “I am so sorry you saw this and I know you are upset. I love you with all my heart, but please know it is all going to be fine.” instantly my brother’s face went to a “yeah, right, sure” face. So I continued, “Look at me (keeping a calm and positive attitude) I am going to be fine. Don’t be mad, just trust me that all this is going to work out. I am taking care of it.”
This was my first encounter with a family member being affected. It hurt and I was embarrassed. Would he understand why I was still with Marco after all this, or would he judge me as being weak and stupid to put up with it. That was an insult I was willing to take and I did often. I couldn’t protect him, only trust God he would heal him too. My brother wiped his tears and said, “OK, I am not going to say anything, but it's not right.” I agreed, we hugged, and I left.
The moment I got in my car and turned the corner I cried so much. All I could do was praise God and thank Him. I had learned that praising Him through these trials brought me comfort. It was the complete opposite of what my flesh wanted to do, but I was trying my best to walk in the spirit of God and by faith.
In the meantime, Marco’s relationship with Ivette was getting stronger. He had met all her family and they adored the kids. All of this I knew because Marco didn’t mind sharing with me all the details. I just quietly listened and smiled, always trying to be happy and encouraging. I was learning that my happiness and strength no longer came from my circumstances or surroundings, it came from God, my new Love. So I made sure to show this no matter what I was listening to or no matter what was happening.
My relationship with God grew stronger as he continued showing His faithfulness to supply my every need. It may not be what I wanted all the time but I lacked nothing. Every chance I had, I met with my two friends, my sisters in Christ, and my prayer partners. We formed a 3-cord together and God really knew we needed each other. We held each other up in times of weakness and always kept our focus on God. No matter how much I wanted to lean on them, they always guided me back to the true source of strength, God and His word.
I don’t remember why but I was driving Marco’s car and heading to Lina’s apartment. Rosa was already there. We would get together often to pray, share His word, and fellowship. We cried and we laughed. We did it all. It was a beautiful friendship like nothing I had before. I got to the parking lot, parked the car, and without thinking twice I put the visor down to use the mirror so I could put some lipstick on. I flipped it down and there staring at me was the picture of Ivonne. I had completely forgotten about that picture being there and my heart sank. I quickly closed it back up. I became sad, went upstairs, and knocked on the door. Lina popped the door open with her BIG HELLO!!! She saw my face and quickly brought me in. I blurted out, “I just saw a picture of Ivette in Marcel’s car. I never really saw her and now I had stared at her picture. My heart hurts and I don’t know how much more I can take this.” Well, Lina and Rosa jumped for JOY! What?? YES, Joy! Did I really expect anything different from them? You see, one of the many sayings they lived by was, “Lota, you have to take the good and throw away the bad.” But what GOOD could this possibly bring?? Oh but rest assured Lina and Rosa always found something good in everything and this wasn’t going to be any different. It brought a smile to my face and I was learning that every trial brought a blessing and a breakthrough. So I said, “Lord what are you trying to show me today?” Then it came to me, I needed to forgive Ivonne and see her with God’s eyes. Not only did I need to forgive her, but I also needed to love her and pray for her. Rosa and Lina got excited because they knew this moment was exactly for that.
So I ran downstairs, opened the car, and grabbed the picture. As soon as I got back to the apartment we started praying. God was leading us. I fell on my knee and truly asked Him to help me forgive her for all that was going on including all the pain I was feeling because of her involvement with Marco and the kids. I needed to recognize that blaming or holding resentment would do nothing for my situation and I had to love and forgive everyone. That included her. When we finished it was miraculous. I can say I felt His love in me for her and I was free.
The beautiful thing about God is that He knows everything and that includes the future. He knew that what I just experienced, needed to happen to prepare me for what was about to come.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11
Soon after we finished praying and we were having a bite to eat, my phone rang. It was Marco. I answered, “Hello.” He says, “Hi there, I know I was supposed to stay with the kids tonight, but we just finished a movie and Ivette wants us to go out alone for a while. Is that ok with you?” I replied, “Sure, but I am Lina’s apartment.” He answered, “oh no worries, I can drop them off there. I am not far and will be there in 20 minutes or so.” We hung up and told them my kids would be joining us soon. They didn’t mind. Lina had two girls and Rosa had two boys. With my kids, it was a bunch of six and they all got along and enjoyed the company.
At about 20 minutes later Marco called, so I answered, “hey if you are here just send the kids up and I will meet them at the elevator.” He says, “no, I want you to come down and get them from the car. Besides I am with Ivette and I want you to meet each other.” AHHH, What???? Why?????? I didn’t say that but I screamed it inside. What I did say was, “ok, give me a few and I will be right down.”
My friends saw the look on my face and it changed in an instant. I hung up and said over and over, “I can’t do this, I can’t do this..” They said “What?? Can’t do What??” I replied, “Marco wants me to go downstairs to get the kids and meet Ivonne, like face to face. Why is this really necessary?” Then Lina grabbed me by the shoulders, looked at me straight in the eyes, and said, “you can do all things through Christ that strengths you.” Then Rosa added with excitement and confidence, “besides God already prepared you, Duh, why do you think all this just happened right before.” I thought YES, I must pass this test and show Him that I did forgive her. So I started my walk down to the parking lot. My heart raced but I did not take the smile off my face, telling myself, I got this because God is with me. Then the moment happened. The kids came running out of the car as soon as they saw me coming out of the elevator. I got such big hugs and kisses that day from them and oh how I needed that. As I approached the car Marco got out, then Ivette. I swallowed hard and smiled as I said hello to Marco, giving him the opportunity to introduce us properly. He said, “Lota, this is Ivette, and Ivette, this is Lota.” As politely as I could, I said, “It is so nice to meet you.” and I shook her hand. She replied, “likewise.” That was it. Marco finished it quickly saying, “ok, we are leaving now, and sorry for this unexpected drop off.” I said, “it’s no problem at all, have fun.” I turned around with my children, each holding my hand, one on each side walking to the elevator. I did not turn back. I felt like I was walking on clouds. I never thought I could do what I just did, but I did it and I knew Who was behind it, my Love, thank you.
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