♕ Today's Promise: “For your Husband is your Maker, whose name is the Lord of hosts [Which by the way means He is a warrior]; and your Redeemer [meaning He pays any outstanding debt in your life: emotional, mental, spiritual and physical] is the Holy One of Israel, Who is called the God of all the earth." Isaiah 54:5
~ Katherine in Guatemala
Dear Bride,
I fell into an abyss of pain and guilt, and I felt far from my God. I felt that I no longer felt His forgiveness as well as I used to with Him when before I felt that presence that automatically took away all responsibility. I simply would not know what happened to me but I felt it when I went with Him. I would commit something and I just went to Him and it was as if it was burning and I already felt clean. When I remembered my past ugly feelings began to bloom in me I began to look for solutions to this pain, to this fear, this trauma, to these attacks on my mind.
I failed by looking for other ministries, because I wanted a cure. I started going to people to ask for forgiveness and it just didn't end. I saw everything extensively, I couldn't let go of my past. I would say something and after a while one more memory came to my mind, one more guilt. I saw His words of forgiveness and they were as if they did not enter my heart but He gave them to me and when they were given by Him it simply calmed my fears for a little while then that fear followed me. I was wondering why I don't get better, why not?
And today this chapter ["They Don’t Have It"] encouraged me saying that it is not something fast, that it does not happen overnight. I was afraid that it did not improve and I told my Lord I am wrong and I wanted to go again to ask people for forgiveness, but I know more than anyone my Beloved wants me to leave my past behind. That is my constant struggle because I cannot do it. It will be His love that will lead me to ignore any more accusations from my past. I am encouraged to say that He has been with me giving me words in my mind and my heart in moments of crisis and although I don't feel my Beloved as before, I know that today they encouraged me in this chapter.
Knowing that He does respond and that it can take time, that His word cleanses me and He healed me because this means a lot to me. I have told Him He can restore marriages and I can attest to that. I came to RMI (Restore Ministries International) and found hope for my marriage but I was asking Him, can you heal what is happening to me now? Is there really hope for me?
And of course there is, today this chapter encourages me to know that I am not the only one who goes through this because I told my Beloved I do not understand what is happening to me. I felt that inside I was dying from all those feelings. However, He's been here, and I know He tells me don't be afraid when I tell Him Love I'm afraid. If you feel that nobody understands what you feel, it's true nobody can understand it, keep it to yourself, I thought I should say it, you know and humanly it can't be explained. There are so many feelings or fears within oneself but go tell God, no one but Him knows how you feel. Read this chapter because I am encouraged to know that He understood the crisis that I am going through and more than that it will be a testimony of healing with which He can help someone else, someone who has kept their pain or their fears, or accusations that come to their mind,
I never thought I would go through this and now I know that it is a testimony that He will use to show His glory and His power, which I know will take time but I know that He will do it for me. The best thing is that He will take away all the lies that have entered my mind and knock down all my fears. This chapter encourages me to tell Him what I need. In my case I need a pardon, a forgiveness that pierces my heart and heals my pain and my fears, then I need a Savior that is only the Lord. Now I can tell my Savior you are all I want, My Savior you are all I need, My Savior you are all I live for.
Being confident in His forgiveness towards me, asking Him to help me forgive others and help me forgive myself. Also to stop waiting for a forgiveness from others but for a forgiveness from Him, since people get tired but God does not. I know that now I can ask Him to be my Savior again, because at the beginning I knew Him as my Savior, then I asked Him to be my Heavenly Husband. Now I know that I need Him to be my Savior, only Him and no one else.
"Fear not, for you will not be put to shame; and do not feel humiliated, because you will not be dishonored; but you will forget the shame of your youth, and the disgrace of your widowhood you will remember no more." Isaiah 54:4
“For your Husband is your Maker, whose name is the Lord of hosts [Which by the way means He is a warrior]; and your Redeemer [meaning He pays any outstanding debt in your life: emotional, mental, spiritual and physical] is the Holy One of Israel, Who is called the God of all the earth." Isaiah 54:5
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