For Your righteousness, O God, reaches to the heavens,

You who have done great things;

O God, who is like You?

—Psalm 71:19

 

Just a few minutes ago, I said goodbye to my children as they headed off to church. They really have no idea how much I think about it each week—about not going with them. I really thought that I had come to the place that it no longer mattered, but then to my surprise, just last week the Lord had me go to two services. A well-known evangelist was speaking, someone my older boys said I shouldn’t miss. Honestly, I thought I surely would “miss it,” but I asked the Lord, and surprising me, He said go. So I went, was blessed, and was given the opportunity to give a substantial amount of money as an offering (the main reason, it seems, for my going to this evening service).

My children, I know, used to question some of the crazy things I did. Most of their questions stemmed from the reputation that their father had painted about me. No doubt it was one of the things that drove him more into the world and the things of it to make him happy. I’m sure, now looking back, it was simply his way of giving him an exit since he’d been planning to reconnect with his high school girlfriend for years, each planning to divorce spouses. At the time, however, I had no idea that he was sharing his thoughts and opinions with the older children, and honestly when I found out I was sure that my reputation with them may never recover. Yet, God has promises for us that far outweigh the negatives of this world.

“In You, O LORD, I have taken refuge; Let me never be ashamed; In Your righteousness deliver me” (Psalms 31:1).

“They looked to Him and were radiant, and their faces will never be ashamed” (Psalms 34:5).

“In You, O LORD, I have taken refuge; Let me never be ashamed” (Psalms 71:1).

“The sons of those who afflicted you will come bowing to you, and all those who despised you will bow themselves at the soles of your feet . . .” (Isaiah 60:14).

“Peter said, ‘Behold, we have left our own homes and followed You.’ And He said to them, ‘Truly I say to you, there is no one who has left house or wife or brothers or parents or children, for the sake of the kingdom of God, who will not receive many times as much at this time and in the age to come, eternal life’” (Luke 18:28–30).

It took the Lord putting me in a very ominous situation within weeks of my divorce, by traveling and financial craziness, to turn the tide, and my reputation with my children also began to turn. As I’d said in earlier chapters, I am just learning how we must expect that we will go through greater, crazier feats when we decided to believe God for great things.

That’s what I hope to explain to my children later today at lunch. I want to tell them that all these incredible and crazy things that I am doing now are simply because I am determined to believe God for great things.

Just a week ago, I had the opportunity to share with all of them (some individually), that in myself I haven’t a prayer of making it with all that has come against me and continues to do so. It is only the Lord who will be able to pull this one off. Today I want to also tell them that He has so lovingly given me incredible testimonies in my own life over these past eighteen months, in order for me to meditate on and keep focused on, to believe that God will certainly bring me through this time as He’s done before.

“God is not a man, that He should lie, Nor a son of man, that He should repent; Has He said, and will He not do it? Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?” (Numbers 23:19).

“Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh; is anything too difficult for Me?” (Jeremiah 32:27).

“Ah Lord GOD! Behold, You have made the heavens and the earth by Your great power and by Your outstretched arm! Nothing is too difficult for You, who shows lovingkindness to thousands, but repays the iniquity of fathers into the bosom of their children after them, O great and mighty God The LORD of hosts is His name; great in counsel and mighty in deed, whose eyes are open to all the ways of the sons of men, giving to everyone according to his ways and according to the fruit of his deeds” (Jeremiah 32:17–19).

What He reminded me of while meditating and reflecting on the above promises, is that the eagle that flies alone and is so rare, that it gets our attention—eagles, like powerful Christians, are on the endangered species list. That’s why it’s been my desire to breed more eagles for the Lord: beginning with my own children, as well as each of the women I am blessed to encourage through my ministry and also RMI. Ha, my ministry. This is just one more area that the Lord is having me trust Him for as I watch it dying a slow, quiet and painful death.

Yet, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit” (John 12:24). It could be that my ministry and my life as I know it now, has to die for it to bear the fruit God intended. This means I will need to believe God through the death until it’s time for my life and ministry to be resurrected again.

Precious one, are you determined to believe God for great things right now? If you are, then you must expect to be faced with great and seemingly destructive opposition. Your reputation, the world as you know it, they will all have to be put on the altar day-by-day and moment-by-moment. Your reason for trusting God may change, as mine has, or maybe you are way ahead of me and have had the right reason from the start. For me, I reach this level of belief first, because it was like my very life was on fire like a burning building. I knew that I needed to follow the Lord radically in order to save my children and the women in my ministry.

Once I was safely out of that fire (the divorce), I began radically living for love. I was His new bride, and love was my motivator—the “in love” variety. By the time I was traveling internationally, which meant leaving my children for weeks at a time (remember, too, that their father was also gone and I was leaving them alone), I knew that radical, obedient living was what it was going to take to push my family through to what was waiting on the other side for their future. Not only what my zealous life would do for them, but what influence that they might derive from witnessing it.

Just this morning though, I have come to understand my motivation to be a bit different. Today, I see what it’s going to take to reach that pinnacle that the Lord is urging me to climb through—His love for me. If I want to believe God for great things, this, my dear, is what it is going to take, and what drives me upward, which has always, and will always be, His love for me and my devotion to Him; this is what matters—it is all that matters.

“I’m asking God for one thing, only one thing: To live with Him in His house my whole life long. [Where] I’ll contemplate His beauty; I’ll study at His feet” (Psalm 27:4, MSG).

“There’s no one quite like you among the gods, O Lord, and nothing to compare with your works. All the nations You made are on their way, ready to give honor to You, O Lord, Ready to put Your beauty on display, parading Your greatness, and the great things You do—You’re the One, there’s no one but You!” (Psalm 86:8, MSG). Let me be the first to give You the honor and love you deserve in return for all you’ve done for me, no matter what I lose.

Journal